I can't take him back even if I wanted too can I?

[mothersc]

Have ds 4 with exp. we have been together for 7 years since I was 18, he is 12 years older than me. He cheated on me when I was 18 within the first 6 months with a prostitution. Young and dumb I took him back with the excuse of we weren't properly together and it would never happen again, he lavished me with gifts of a car and a puppy to say how much he loved me, how serious he was and it wouldn't happen again. 3 years later (happy years) and he said he really wanted us to have a child... I had the security of owning our own home and thought we had a secure relationship, when I was 6 months pregnant I found texts on his phone of him arranging for a prositiute to come to our home when I was away for a night to take Cocaine and he would pay extra for unprotected sex. Was distraught, left my home and had to undergo sexual health screening and ruined my pregnancy and I was left suffering from PND after the birth. He supported me financially, bought me a new house and car, paid maintenance and bought anything I needed for the baby and over the past 4 years we built an amicable co parenting relationship for the sake of my son... about 6 months ago whilst watching our sons swimming lesson he declared he still loved me dearly and felt he would never get over me and deeply regretted ruining our family, how much he had changed ect... I do still love him and thought over the years maybe he had realised what he had lost and has grown up. I agreed to give things another go and slowly start to spend time together as a family again. All was going well and our son got used to the 3 of us spending time together as a family. We then decided to look at buying our dream family home, went to view a house on Friday, he told our son 'mummy, daddy and you will all be living in a house together!' Put a note of interest in on Saturday for the house. Saturday evening he had been watching a football match and phoned me to say he was home, whilst talking on the phone (his mobile) his house phone started to ring in the background, I thought this was odd as when we lived together we never used the house phone, asked him if he was going to answer. He said people called to speak to the people who lived in the house before him and it was probably for them... I thought this sounded like a lie... house phone rang again and he picked it up and said 'sorry wrong number bye' without giving the caller a chance to speak and then rushed me off the phone... I thought the whole thing was odd (plus the fact he hadn't want to come and spend the night with me after watching football) and had a gut feeling... I decided to drive over to his house and see what was happening, I parked at end of the street and seen a woman arrive in a taxi and walk in. I then sat in the car for five minutes and then got out and rang his door bell which he wouldn't answer and phoned his phone which he ignored. He lied and lied the following morning saying he was sleeping inside the house and didn't hear me ringing bell and phoning and saying I was insane and a lunatic until I told him I had been sat at end of the road and watched her come in. Since then I have been bombarded with messesages about he has a problem and needs me to help and support him, how sorry he is, how it will never happen again, how he has messed up ect ect ect... I'm just so devistated. I want to be a family, I love him... I can't go back after this though can I? :(

Jesus what a piece of shit he is. Those messages are appalling, trying to make you responsible for him, make him a better person? Seriously? What an absolute piece of shit he is. Tell me you st least use protection when you have sex with him, as you know he has unprotected sex with prostitutes,

If you take him back op then you need to accept he will do this for as long as he can get it up. If you're ok with that, then go for it. If you're not then hold firm.

Personally I think he's scum

Don't spend Christmas day with him,it would probably make you very emotional,and tempted to take this awful cheating man back. Christmas, and all its trimmings,can sometimes lull people,into a cosy and nice frame of mind,which is what you would like it seems.

But in the new year,you are most likely to be very let down again,and back to some awful behaviour with this man again.

What pretty much everyone else has said.

NO you CANNOT take him back. Not if you want to be happy and not if you want your DS to be happy

He’s a manipulative bastard. Asking you to help him
Be the man he should be 🤮one minute, declaring he’s fine nothing wrong the next. You can’t rebuild a relationship with someone who won’t even admit what he’s done.

He’s lied again & again and his alone knows how many more pristitutes he’s Fucked unprotected.

He was fucking them unprotected, your DS is just lucky not to have had some nasty side effects if that or to be alive tbh. I don’t suppose colossal wanker even appreciates how much danger he placed your unborn baby in - for that alone I couldn’t bear to be in the same room, let alone bed, as him.

Whatever problem he’s got (too much money, not enough morals is probably all it is) it’s HIS problem, not yours to fix. YOU cannot fix him.

Love- it’s hard when you got with him so long, but you just have to trust us when we say this isn’t love & one day you’ll know true love with someone worthy if you - you’ll wonder why you wasted so much time with thus Cockwomble.

He wasn’t thinking about your DS when he was fucking around, he can sort himself out for Christmas Day. IF he can prove himself to be a passable Dad this coming year, you can discuss plans for next Christmas then. This year he’s just shit out of luck. his problem.

Your Dad - fuck knows what he’s thinking, but frankly he’s part of the cause of all this and his opinion needs to be ignored!

don’t do the whole Christmas Dinner malarkey. Just think of something you and DS would really enjoy and do that (buy pizza bases and do your own toppings or sausages in bread with crisps and popcorn or whatever... make it fun and enjoy the day esting Christmas chocolate & playing with DS’s new toys

Please don’t waste any more if your life on captain tosspot, rinse him for all you can. He’s clearly got money to burn. Get a house in your name, mortgage free. At the very least.

Help me get better.
Help me change.
Help me be a better person.

He can't even pretend he's going to try to do it himself.

He's disgusting OP. You won't be able to genuinely feel happy playing happy families at Christmas. Even if you have moments where from the outside he looks like a good dad, you'll then only think god, he would give this all up for some lines alongside an unprotected shag with a prostitute.

He's had more chances than he deserves (ie more than one) and he's let you down time and time again. Unfortunately history has taught him how to get you back and that there are no long term consequences to his behaviour, not really.

If it isn't enough for you to leave for yourself, leave for your son. We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents. He relationships we see growing up act as a blueprint for how we see relationships.

Do you really want your son to think that dipping in and out of a child's life is acceptable?

That using them to blackmail someone you've devastated is acceptable?

That treating your partner like this is acceptable?

That selfishly using women in different ways (including partners and sex workers) with no thought to the consequences for them is acceptable?

Come on OP - you're worth more than this. And so is your son.

@mothersc you deserve so much better! Do you realise that he could have potentially seriously harmed your baby by having unprotected sex as with a prostitute whilst having sex with you! If you won’t take seriously how much he endangered your health then please take seriously the risk he paid to take with your baby!

This is a man who hates women, he sees all women as commodities to be bought! That includes you! He has treated you like a prostitute by buying your love with cars, houses and other grand gestures! He will never stop using women, he is too selfish, so either you accept that he uses prostitutes (women who could be victims of sex trafficking/ enforced labour as a prostitute) and bring your son up believing this is the way men should treat women, or you kick him to the kerb! He belongs back on the kerb crawling, like the lowlife he is!

Christmas alone with your dc will only be miserable if you make it miserable! One of my favourite Christmases was when my Dad was working away for months, my Mum filled our lounge with hundreds of balloons and we had to search for our Christmas presents! We had just moved into a new house and our dining table hadn’t arrived, so my DM put a blanket on the floor and we had a picnic Christmas dinner! It is one of my favourite memories! Your dc will have a great time if you make the effort!

I really think that you need to look at the freedom program! You have very low boundaries and you need to learn how to spot toxic manipulators like your ex!

Embrace being single, far more chance to build a happy life for you and DS without him tagging along.

I have read every message and they are helping

Annoying jt won't let upload pictures or the messages he is sending me, this is his latest message-

Just wish I can make this better. I know you’re saying that’s us done, I’ll be honest I didn’t think I would care as much as I do. I had a few niggling doubts with us, I genuinely didn’t know how much you liked me, part of me thought I was an easy option for you, I was worried about the way we were before, I actually thought yesterday I wouldn’t really care what you said and I would go back to being single and getting (our son) whenever.

That’s not been the case though. I’m actually devastated at what I’ve done, that wasn’t me on Saturday though that’s not the (his name) who just goes for a few pints and comes home that was a different side of me I’ll never see again as long as I live. Since then I’ve realised I do want to be with and you and be a family. I could have easily said I done it as I wasn’t sure about us and was worried about moving in and then let it all go but I can’t do that. I do genuinely love you and I know you’ve said before that we were meant to be together and we won’t find anyone else like us, I belive that I’m just sorry I put these kind of fuck ups and obstacles in our way of being happy and being a family

Forgetting you for a second here my thoughts are turning to (our child) and wish when he is older whoever he meets is a good person who doesn’t daft things like me. I don’t want to be sitting where your dad was tonight having to speak with arsehole and listening to how it all went wrong. He deserves better as you do.

As I’ve said from yesterday I want to fix this I want to see you both on Christmas Day before I go back to work and hope when I come back after 3 weeks you’re not still absolutely raging at me and you can see I’m not a bad person I’ve just made bad decisions that I’ll never go back to. I do love you, people can change. Sometimes things like this make things clearer or they can make or break things

Bullshit.

Keep him out and away from his son. He is a skank, a snake, his words mean shit.

That wasn't me on Saturday? Then who the hell was it then? Fucking Aladdin?

Wow. Grade A areshole

My ex pulled similar bullshit after abusing me and going to sex clubs.

I went back, because I wanted to believe him. Within a few days he was flirting with a prostitute at a bar in front of me, denying it, then a couple of days later insulting my appearance. He BEGGED me to go back, said he thought he had LOST ME FOR GOOD. Promised the earth and delivered the same shit. Several times.

Cut this coke-addled skank loose.

He can't even use grammar correctly FFS.

Please, please stop reading his messages. Whining, self absorbed crap, all of it.

Read it again and highlight how many times he uses the word ‘I’. Poor, poor me. I’m so sad. Now count how many times he apologises to you. None.

Even if he did you should never let him step over your threshold again but hopefully a brief analysis of his messages will help you see it’s all about HIM.

Block his number and provide one email address for him to use for contact arrangements. Engage in nothing other than those arrangements.

Best wishes and so sorry you’ve been treated so very badly.

Honesty don't believe him. He wants a cosy Xmas day and then to disappear for 3 weeks. And you know full well what he will be doing in those 3 weeks.

A man who thinks women can be bought doesn't change. That is his fundamental belief. Women are objects for sale.

He believes he can win you over with words and gifts because he has no respect for you.

He's full of absolute shit. Do not be fooled.

He said I/me 37 times and you 11 times...

Ugh now he's trying to buy you with cheap words. What an ego he has. Twat.

well yes you can take him back.....if you're not bothered that he will be seeing prostitutes every five minutes and constantly lying.
I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot barge pole personally.

He’s a shit who has no respect for you or any other woman.

Be done with him. Don’t have him over on Christmas Day or any other day. You and your son are a family unit, protect yourself from this lousy, weak man. You will never ever change him but you also don’t have to spend another minute of your life putting up with his shit.

I put these kind of fuck ups and obstacles in our way of being happy

Fuck ups and obstacles? He paid for prostitutes, he cheated on you, he put your sexual health at risk. He makes it sound like he did it accidentally - but getting a prostitute over involves deliberate actions.

I’d have left him after the first incident and so would most people. It’s not just about you any more - you have a child who is watching you being abused and crying and he’s thinking this is normal. It’ll screw him up for life. You can’t parent him when you’re unhappy and his father is a terrible role model. For his sake, if not for your own, you need to leave.

Being honest with you, about not being sure about you, but realising now how much he does love you? That's an attempt to make you panic.

He's as grim and pathetic a man as I've ever read about on here. My skin is crawling just reading that self absorbed shit.

Look, he doesn't need you to make him a better person and stop his awful behaviour. It only needs him, and he has had plenty of time and opportunity to do that. He hasn't. Don't be a fool. try meeting other men if you are lonely or get a job if you haven't one, as it's the best way to meet people.

Those are the weasely-est weasel words I've ever read! Prick

theoverwhelmedbrain.com/stop-justifying-your-poisonous-beliefs-the-curse-of-denial/

All this sudden realisation that he loves you and this is due to losing you?

Hahahahaha. So losing you when you split up before didn't make him realise?

he was busy buying your 'Dream Home' but without any thought that he was actually serious about your relationship???

Doesn't really add up, does it?

No - because to him, having you in a serious relationship means he still makes careful pre-meditated plans (and sets up an elaborate deceit around the football match, plans not to come over...) to sleep with prostitutes.

You are right, you can't go back to him, no, because in his mind he has got away with it 3 times so he believes he can get away with it again. Especially because now your DS is older he can use him to guilt trip you to stay. He knows now that he can talk you round and you wouldn't chuck him out for good - so he will never stop his behaviour.

That last message is full of guilt tripping over your DS.

And...he lies. Had you not seen the woman go into his house, he would have lied and lied. And got away with it again.

Hahah - can you imagine him going away for 3 weeks and not paying for sex? This is what he does. You can never trust him again.

My guess is he is addicted to this paid for sex (and porn, too). He doesn't say anything ab out HOW he would transform himself. He has a poor record for it so far. His only solution is that being with you would help him transform himself. Fat Chance, he had two failed attempts.

And I also suspect that you are addicted to him, because you don't know how to live without him.

Addiction is not healthy. It leads to decisions that will damage your life very badly. Don't see him on Christmas Day - he will talk you round, get sentimental...

You are young. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Free yourself.
Heal yourself
Build yourself up
Go out there and find happiness and contentment with a man who knows how to love, and is honest.