Husband left for woman half his age.

[Apricot10]

Just that really.
He has left me for a 25 year old. He is 40 next month.
We have two children 6 and 9. My DS is Autistic. So I have been left with two children who can't understand why he has gone, especially my DS.
He has moved in with her, so I said I wasn't happy with the children visiting his place as they need more time to adjust to us being apart before he introduces anyone else.
So he is taking them to their grandparents when he has them.
He told me all of this by text. Won't give me her name said I might stalk her. (Like I have the time if I wanted to)
We were together 18 years married 11. I am totally devastated. Just been wrapping presents crying my eyes out.
I just feel so helpless and desperate.
I can't look at him, I feel sick when I do. I loved him for so many years. Why do they do this? What can he surely have in common with this girl?

I agree with pp that he is trying to keep you as a plan B as OW is showing signs of not being what he thought. Such a cliche, mid life crisis abandoning his family. I bet he isnt much of a catch for the OW either now, 40 year old father of 2 that doesnt want to go clubbing or whatever she does.

Finally....in a few weeks time, I would place a pair of big muddy size 12 men's boots in the Hallway, and an XXL men's jacket on the coat rack. Don't say a word about this. If he questions you, tell him to mind his own business. Let the little fucker think that another man is in his home. It will seriously knock him off kilter

I like your style @Longblondeandblueeyes.

Do the above... Love that idea

Love you coat and shoes idea @Longblondeandblueeyes

Do this

Yup, I am plan B. It really does hurt, but I won't allow that to be the case. I won't be going back. I won't lie I do miss him, we had really good times together but that was the man I married not the man he is now.
That fact is always at the forefront of my mind.
I made a joke the other day when he was picking up the kids, I don't know why, I kind of do that when I feel uncomfortable. And he laughed and said god I have missed you. I told him to f off and the door in his face.
I am not a fool, I am utterly heartbroken but I won't be going back there.

@Longblondeandblueeyes haha that would be so funny!

Hi Apricot have you seen if you are entitled to any tax credits or working tax credits - his maintenance is additional to this.
Is he paying anything to you.
You are doing well and come across as having clear boundaries.

Best not to engage in talk at all and be business like with him, after all he has made his choice! He is used to talking to you about things as a marriage is also a friendship. Dont give him the satisfaction of getting that from you. It wont last 5 mins with the 24 yr old I can bet on that!

Yes I think you are right. Be business like. I guess it is difficult to switch off that chatty thing when you have done that for so long. It's a big learning curve. Having a bath and early night tonight, kids are pooped from first day at school so they will be in bed soon.

Agree with other posters' take. He doesn't want to engage with divorce talk because in his head, this exciting novel little interlude doesn't have to end in divorce. He'd like you to play the ''pick me dance'' and then when he's done with the 24 year old, or more likely she's done with him, you get back together again but you feel LUCKY.

You are doing well 💐

I made a joke the other day when he was picking up the kids, I don't know why, I kind of do that when I feel uncomfortable. And he laughed and said god I have missed you. I told him to f off and the door in his face

Excellent. He has no right to miss you whatsoever.

Hope you're okay today

The 25-year old woman will have love bombed him and when she's got what she wants out of him she will drop him and move onto the next man that she wants to get something out of
I wonder what he will do then?
I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP💐

@NewYearNewUserNameForMe
Doing okay thanks. Met up with a colleague today who is a child Psychologist and she gave me some good tips regarding the kids. I am worried about my DD she is at a funny age anyway but she has been very moody recently. It could be hormones as she has definitely hit puberty, or it could be she is super angry at him.
We don't really talk about their dad I

anymore. I think the kids are finding their feet with regards to their new life now.
My DS has been asking about getting his dad a cake (as it is his birthday next week), I have told him we won't be getting him a cake but he can make him a card and I helped him do this. The birthday cake thing is really important to my DS, so I thought he would be very upset about it. But he was okay quite accepting of it.
I had great plans for his 40th, and now my present is being dumped for a 24 year old drama graduate. FFS.

@UYScuti I can imagine he is enjoying have some naive girl hang off his every word as well. They are so welcome to eachother.

24 year old drama graduate
she's good at acting then, playing a part, making people believe she is who she portrays
some naive girl hang off his every word
seems to me young women are way less naive these days, she'll expose him for the fool he is

Says it all really - just imagine that they are characters in a tacky pants.....!

*panto

Yeah a Panto pretty much sums the whole thing up. Grubby bastards the lot of them and I include my ex in laws in that too.
I keep fliting from a bit sad, but coping to really really angry, but coping. It isn't pleasant.

I hope his new job closer to home doesn't involve a pay cut, and I hope he won't lie to you about how much he earns.

He’s an asshole.

I hate the entitled male privileged midlife let’s find a young model and leave my wife and children. So common. So cruel. So utterly based and selfish. I think we need to be more critical of this in our society.

My Ex is with a woman 20 years younger. 20 bloody years! Yet society says ‘what a great lad, what a man, look what he can score’ - his family say ‘poor man, without his kids’ and he is still angry and horrible with me on top of it all!

And why do women go for these men? Come on women. These men are not your Daddy. They are not wise and worldly. They are not protective and will not take care of you. They are man children who have abandoned their own kids and the mother of their own children because of their ridiculously huge egos.

Sorry OP. You aren’t alone. Unfortunately. Thousands of us here.

My Dad did the same. I think he’s a weak pathetic man. He hides behind his ‘new’ family who think he’s amazing.

@WildChristmas the more I speak to people the more I realise how common it is. It is horrendous and yes the women who become the OW, what the hell are they thinking? I would not even consider a man who was recently separated let alone married. My dad did the same he left for a woman 24 years younger than him, they are still married now.
His dad had an affair with an 18 year old when he was in his 40's, MIL took him back and they are still married.
He will be portraying himself as the stand up father who is being kept away from his darling children, he will be promising her the world as well. He promised me all the same shit and never delivered.
I don't think I will ever trust anyone again after this.
@Apileofballyhoo he says it's the same or more money, plus he won't be spending £400 per month on fuel to get there. He may start trying to work his way out of it all though. Time will tell.

*worm

His dad had an affair with an 18 year old when he was in his 40's, MIL took him back and they are still married.

This is his blueprint and what he and his family expect to happen.

@Gutterton exactly that. It won't be.