Husband left for woman half his age.

[Apricot10]

Just that really.
He has left me for a 25 year old. He is 40 next month.
We have two children 6 and 9. My DS is Autistic. So I have been left with two children who can't understand why he has gone, especially my DS.
He has moved in with her, so I said I wasn't happy with the children visiting his place as they need more time to adjust to us being apart before he introduces anyone else.
So he is taking them to their grandparents when he has them.
He told me all of this by text. Won't give me her name said I might stalk her. (Like I have the time if I wanted to)
We were together 18 years married 11. I am totally devastated. Just been wrapping presents crying my eyes out.
I just feel so helpless and desperate.
I can't look at him, I feel sick when I do. I loved him for so many years. Why do they do this? What can he surely have in common with this girl?

Do keep that log of lateness and missed visits and all the reasons given.
This man is crying out for something to come and bite him hard in the ass.

He is pissed off because I won't hang out with him anymore. We were best friends and that could still happen according to him.
Ask him why you should consider him your friend.
If this comes up face to face just tilt your head to one side and say 'You cannot be serious'.

Please tell the DCs' school what has happened.

Do you have a joint account?
Is there enough in it to see a solicitor?

Yup it's fine to use the joint account for legal costs if you have one.

Nope no joint account. Kept all of that separate. Just going to have to tighten my belt a bit and see what next month brings.
Math that's what I said to him, if one of my friends even made me feel half the pain and misery he had done I wouldn't consider them a pal anymore. He just thinks he can rock up have a good laugh with me then swan off to his little bit at his flat.
When I used to hear people say they felt like they didn't know their husband anymore, I really do understand that now. He even looks different to me, the change is immense.
Had a nice day with the kids today though. Going to catch up up some tv tonight. At least I don't have to see him until Sunday now.
Urgh, this is shit.

Many legal firms will start divorce proceedings with the bill paid at the end once the assets are split.

Get your first free half hour with the lawyer, where they will assess your case and give you an outline of what you can expect. As Gutterton says, many firms collect payment once the settlement is finalised at the end of the process.

So get going with a lawyer ASAP.

Okay thanks everyone, will sort it out.

Wishing you the best, OP

Christ on a bike OP.. respect to you for dealing with all thus thus far.. what bastards his family are.. and Him too.. they are SCUM

I just need to get this out there, I am not in a great place atm. My depression is absorbing me, although I am booked to see someone next week to talk through stuff I really need to get this out. My relationship is almost 22 years with husband, we have 3 kids. We have never been great at our relationship, always putting ourselves last over the kids of course. We haven't been intimate for probably 2yrs and currently I don't even want to share a bed with him anymore. We had an argument after Christmas, we were all exhausted and emotionally done. I have come from this realising that over the years my husband had taken controll over everything. This is hard to explain so please be open minded. He does everything Finances, meal ideas, shopping ect. (Because he like to do it)He is very particular about how he likes things done and over time with his constant input and 'help' I have given up trying. I have become really unmotivated when around him. He is hard to please, complains all the time, is tired all the time and walks around the house stating 'he does everything. I of course work 4 days, clean the house, share cooking and hang out with the kids while apparently he does everything. I have previously counted my blessings having the help but, something in me has changed and I see how controlling it has all become. He tries to make jokes but it's always about me. I have explained to him, my emotional bucket is empty and when he comes along and jokes or 'helps' ( suggests a better way) I have nothing in my bucket so I just feel empty. This has been happening over years and years and I am only just realising the toll it has taken on me.
I am worried how I am going to go back to work as I have been an emotional mess at work for the last 6 months.
I have suffered from deppression and anxiety for 12 years and although I know it has been hard on him, I realise he has always been like this and I don't think he can change.
I am so down atm. So done.
I feel like I sound crazy complaining about a husband who actually does stuff around the house.
I don't know what to do with myself, I can usually pick up and just get on, this time feels different.
Thanks for reading if you got this far xx

So sorry youre going through it Teastar but it would be better if you start a new thread - c+p what you've written here into a new thread where you'll get some good support

I am so sorry I just messed up and posted my crap on someone else's conversation. So so sorry. It's 4am. Sorry!!!!!

Aww 💐🌸💗

Have an appointment, a few weeks away though. I get 20 mins free. What do I need to gather up? Shall I write it all down? Not sure where to start. 😬

Don't worry toaster, I hope you are okay. I too suffer with depression and anxiety too so I know how draining it is.

Teastar

Sorry my phone auto corrected it.

OP it sounds like you are doing incredibly well - by that I don't mean that you are always feeling ok - of course you are going through hell and rightly feeling a huge range of difficult emotions, but you are surviving. You have got through one of the hardest times of year. You are taking practical steps forward. You are redefining your boundaries and adapting. You are being there for your kids and modeling honesty and helping them to adapt. You are holding onto your self respect and your integrity.

You are not stupid- not at all. You had every right to trust him and he abused that trust. It is on him. And he is not even close to taking responsibility. You are right he probably never will and you will probably never have the answers..... but I do know you will move through this and be ok. You and the kids.

I admire you very much and am wishing you lots of good things for 2020.

Goldie

Thanks for being so kind and understanding🌼 apricot10 and springydaff🌼I am glad you have got support on here apricot10, I am sorry for what you are going through. You are right deppression and anxiety is exhausting. I wish you all the best. 🌻🌻🌻

Get bank statements, pension statements, any other financial information.
Don’t go in to vent as you spend valuable time with them just listening.
Go with specific questions on a list that you can make notes on.

Thank you Goldie I appreciate that very much. Good advice weenurse.
Yes, I must remember to be business like and not get emotional and take up time on that. It won't be easy as I am a cryer! 🙄
Had a good chat with my friend and boss last night she came over with a bottle of bubbly. Feel good waking up this morning. I will enjoy the next few days off with the kids then I will get down to business and write down everything I want to find out from my meeting.
Thank you again everyone for the moral support it really is helping.

Are you kidding?? I blubbed my head off at my first appt with my lawyer. Don't worry about it, you'll get the info out even if it's through a lot of snot.

Oh God there will be so much snot I can see it now.

Go for it, be the snot queen 👸

Good luck

Urgh, been really struggling the last few days. It's like the anger has subsided and now its just sadness.
My DS has been really upset begging me to call him and ask him to come back, it has been very very difficult. Ex says it's because of me this upset is happening because I have called time on "family days" and I am not thinking of the kids. Obviously I know this is crap, but watching my little boy sob his heart out for his dad is killing me.
I am missing my family, I don't miss him so much I miss us as a family. My daughters birthday is coming up in 2 weeks and she has asked if we can all done something together. I will have to, I can't say no and I will put on a brave face for her.
God, i feel in a real funk over it all. I think Christmas was so damn traumatic and I was just pulling through it all now it's done normality has resumed and I just feel so sad.