Husband left for woman half his age.

[Apricot10]

Just that really.
He has left me for a 25 year old. He is 40 next month.
We have two children 6 and 9. My DS is Autistic. So I have been left with two children who can't understand why he has gone, especially my DS.
He has moved in with her, so I said I wasn't happy with the children visiting his place as they need more time to adjust to us being apart before he introduces anyone else.
So he is taking them to their grandparents when he has them.
He told me all of this by text. Won't give me her name said I might stalk her. (Like I have the time if I wanted to)
We were together 18 years married 11. I am totally devastated. Just been wrapping presents crying my eyes out.
I just feel so helpless and desperate.
I can't look at him, I feel sick when I do. I loved him for so many years. Why do they do this? What can he surely have in common with this girl?

Well done OP! he's a twat.

I’m with a few previous PPs who feel actual hatred for this piece of shit. what an awful, manipulative, whiny, pathetic specimen he is. I hate him more than I hate my own cheating ex, at least he demonstrated a bit of shame.

Keep going OP, you’re the dogs bollocks

He is an absolute fucking dickhead. How he thinks forwarding an email is useful... OMG....😡🤬🤯
You are amazing! Let me guess... these were things Shit For Brains was going to get around to organizing for years? You must feel so much contempt for him.

Wow OP just read this thread from the beginning and would like to add my poms poms to your cheerleading squad. What an utter cliche your STBExH is. An absolute loser.

I was going to echo what PP have said about trying to get him to carry out his parental responsibilities and say don’t contact him about it. You’re only going to feel let down and angry. It certainly is his loss. Accept that you are now a single parent physically and emotionally. An au pair is a good suggestion especially as the DC are school age so she could study in the day and be a real help with mornings and the after school chaos. That is assuming you have a spare room? Does your DS sleep OK? Mine at that age found it very difficult to get to sleep which was frustrating as no time to relax in the later evening. His paed prescribed melatonin which helped. Do you get DLA? I didn’t know about it until my DS was 14!

Although you’re not really getting any ‘down time’, I hope you’re making time for your own healing in amongst the DIY (which sounds amazing!). A nice bubble bath with a few candles. Nice smells really helped me destress when I was going through a really tough time. I used to buy mini scented candles and carry them in my pocket to sniff them . Some cheap but beautiful flowers in a vase to look at? A massage if you can afford it and can fit it in!

This will pass. You’ve been pushed to your limit and you’re getting through it. Respect to you .

@FlamingFreezing thank you. No spare room, I live in small terraced house, so an Au pair wouldn't have anywhere to sleep.
I am doing okay with the kids, they are good as gold so I can't complain. I am currently applying for DLA for my DS, the forms are huge and I don't get much spare time to fill them out so I am slowly working through them. Yes, I feel a lot better now I have come to terms with the fact he isn't going to step up, he has no intention of even having them overnight let alone split custody. His loss.
Things are calm now as we don't speak really. It's much better.

Hey just came across your thread. My word your've really been put through the ringer! so glad to read your in a better place now though. If need help witho the forms there is a non profit called fightback4justice they have helped with my pip forms and esa over the years. They call you get all your details, fill out the forms for you and send themto you ready to be sent off. They are a god send! Hoping your journey continues to get better for you!

I'm hesitating to say this but when I begged and pleaded and cajoled ex to see the kids they didn't see him for dust. But when it became clear I was no longer interested he was all over them like a rash. Just saying.

It worked in every other area too: if I wanted him to go out (on the razz) and it was going to be a quick turnaround, I'd ask him (always chronically very late) to arrive an hour later he'd arrive on the dot like clockwork. It worked a treat the other way too. All I had to slip in was that I was asking for a favour somehow.

God, he was a cunt. But I learned to play him like a violin.

Please don't talk to him. Every time you talk to him you plummet into a nightmare hell. If you just had the kids to look after it would be hard but it wouldn't drain your very soul. It's dealing with him that's sucking the life out of you. He's a dementor. Let him have the bit of fluff and her snake. Your kids need you at peace, that's more important to them than seeing he their dad. Stop talking to or communicating with him lovely. Everything will come out in the wash in the end, you don't have to push the elephant up a hill 🌺💐

*if I wanted to go out (on the razz) - dont know where the 'him' came from, it was me going out on the razz!

@springydaff yes you are so right, he was what was exhausting me. Now I have totally stopped engaging or trying to get him to see the kids. I am have so much more energy.
I have blocked his family too, they kept sending random what'Sapp messages asking how I was and I found it all too much. They don't think they did anything wrong either. I can't be doing with it. I have put up walls all around me and I think it will take a bloody long time to drop those again. But I do feel okay for now, the kids are good. Our Puppy is a total God send she's big bundle of love, and a lot more loyal! Dare I say I am feeling happy.

My life became infinitely better and more relaxed when I stopped expecting my ex to step up and become a good father. Once I realised he'd not be a regular feature in my dcs lives and it was all on me, strangely enough it became easier.

@Apricot10 you definitely seem a lot happier and upbeat. (Lol I've never met you and I'm just reading what you write online) but you DO seem happier👌🏻👌🏻. I'm happy FOR you too. That's it.. keep blocking out that negativity and stay in your happy place. It may take years, but he's definitely going to regret the decisions he's made. And by that time you'll be thinking .. "sorry.. who are you again?" 😂😂😂

Puppy therapy is the best! It totally puts into perspective what was missing and how bloody easy it is. (And that everything is down to the choices that fool man made.) (With the wrong brain.)

You have made such an incredibly, positive, momentous emotional shift in your life by dropping the rope on his games - he can’t yank your chain anymore. That’s freedom. A very smart move too to block his family. They only have his interests at heart. If they need info or want to see their DGC - then that is for him to facilitate.

Offloading his game playing, building your boundaries is an amazing gift to your DCs - they just need their lovely Mum emotionally present in a calm and peaceful home. Along with the magic of a puppy it will be so much better than before.

You really have transformed yourself - what a superhero.

Well done OP 🌺

When you said you'd keep building walls I assumed you meant more DIY! Keep being amazing

Thank you so much everyone. Saw him today and he randomly said about him and OW he didn't think it would last, I laughed and said oh okay and then he said "I am telling you this in confidence". Oh what a privilege.Don't worry I know what he is doing, the best part? I didn't feel a damn thing. What a knob. Gave him the last of his clothes today too so everything is out of the house now.
I am camping in the lounge with the kids tonight.I am waiting for them to fall asleep so I can sneak off to my bed!

Sorry that should say don't worry. I have eaten too many marshmallows i think.

I'm telling you this in confidence .... omg why did I laugh so much reading that?😂😂😂 what a pratt!!!!😂😂 also I felt SO happy reading that you didn't feel anything. When you get to THAT stage of a breakup.. it's like you can breathe again. Keep going OP 🔥👌🏻👌🏻.

@LJenn I think I replied "oh goody" when he said it. 😂 made me laugh so much. Self important knob.

As long as he doesn't think the "o goody" is because you'll be waiting for him!!

Pardon me, i'll wash my mouth out this very minute for even saying such a thing..

Op, you are gorgeous 🌟 🌠✨💫

Oh good grief! He is totally checking to see if his safety net is in place because his dolly is bored shitless with him. He’s not the big hero he claimed to be and she’s looking for greener, braver, younger, funner pastures than he can offer, and he assumed you’d be welcoming him home with open arms and drying his poor little tears. As if!

I tell you something.. I cannot WAIT for the day that he gets handed his papers and it actually hits him... "oh shit.. wait she's actually moving on and not crying in to her pillow?"

Good riddance mate, you wanted something more "fun" with no responsibility.. off you go 👋🏻 . In his demented head, he still thinks you're his "best friend" and he can confide in you about his new relationship like you're both teenagers. As if you're going to pop on the kettle and get the biscuits out so he can cry on your shoulder.

Hope the house renovating/decorating is still going to well OP💐💐

I hope that you are able to savour the exquisite pleasure of that.

You don’t need revenge - because he has done all of that self harm to himself.

It’s all about to be played out right under your nose.

Expect the weeping, wailing, pleading, begging, threatening and promising.

Just block all his communications. You don’t need to see this nonsense you have much more fun and interesting things to occupy your mind, time and life.

The expectation is that you will have him back because that’s what happened with his Dad. So even more reason to keep the ILs blocked as it’s their expectation as well.

So it's finally coming home to roost that he might have left something good for something fake and is trying to pave the way for a reconciliation. However, just in case you reject him he's telling you 'in confidence' as he doesn't want the ow to know just in case you tell him to 'go fuck himself' stupid man

I doubt that you’re an old fart like me, but I can almost visualize him turning up at your door with his hand held up (flacidly, of course...) singing this 80’s song... the chorus has these words

“You’ve evicted me! Love don’t live here anymore.....”

Soggy twat.