Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband left for woman half his age.

815 replies

Apricot10 · 14/12/2019 18:31

Just that really.
He has left me for a 25 year old. He is 40 next month.
We have two children 6 and 9. My DS is Autistic. So I have been left with two children who can't understand why he has gone, especially my DS.
He has moved in with her, so I said I wasn't happy with the children visiting his place as they need more time to adjust to us being apart before he introduces anyone else.
So he is taking them to their grandparents when he has them.
He told me all of this by text. Won't give me her name said I might stalk her. (Like I have the time if I wanted to)
We were together 18 years married 11. I am totally devastated. Just been wrapping presents crying my eyes out.
I just feel so helpless and desperate.
I can't look at him, I feel sick when I do. I loved him for so many years. Why do they do this? What can he surely have in common with this girl?
Sad

OP posts:
justilou1 · 03/02/2020 23:37

I am very pleased that you know that your reaction is entirely healthy. His behaviour is an avoidance of the guilt you are referring to. It must be gnawing at him constantly like rodents in the walls of his conscience.

Puffthemagicdragartist · 07/02/2020 07:04

Hope you're hanging in there, @Apricot10WineWineCakeFlowersBrew

Original poster
Apricot10 · 07/02/2020 22:41

@Puffthemagicdragartist doing okay thanks. I have been up and down this week, been v busy sorting life stuff out, started doing to major some changes to my house, which has been cathartic. But I don't feel as sad, still been thinking a lot about "them" but not dreaming anymore. I think I am slowly moving forward. Got another solicitor appointment next week. But I am hanging in there.Smile

OP posts:
Weenurse · 07/02/2020 23:11

Great update

WizardOfAus · 12/02/2020 13:52

How are you today @Apricot10?

Original poster
Apricot10 · 12/02/2020 22:16

@WizardOfAus I am doing okay thanks. Been very busy the last few weeks mainly with work. Finally realised ex isn't going to take any parental responsibility and like solicitor said I can't make him. Plus he has rented a one bed flat so of he had then over night the kids would be sharing a sofa bed in the lounge. He never had any intention of looking after then properly. Now I am just focusing on work the kids and we are looking forward to our holiday, have barely seen ex. Kids aren't bothered and neither am I. His loss.
My DS pointed out earlier that I didn't have anyone to buy me flowers on valentine's day (cheers pal Sad) and I just said oh don't worry I don't need any flowers. Not going to lie, the thought of him buying her a load of valentines crap is cutting me a bit and he never really bothered for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Apricot10 · 14/02/2020 17:34

He bought a sodding valentine's card for the kids to write for me, they have just given it to me. I had to fake a smile and thank them when all I wanted to do was chuck it on the fire. Why couldn't he just leave it alone? Hmm
I hate pity.

OP posts:
DBML · 14/02/2020 18:26

Because it made him feel better and clearly that’s all that matters. At the moment at least. Selfish man.

Original poster
Apricot10 · 14/02/2020 18:55

@DBML urgh, I bet he is really high fiving himself at how considerate he has been.

OP posts:
LJenn · 14/02/2020 19:19

Uuuuugh what a twat😑😑.

WizardOfAus · 14/02/2020 19:25

Yuck. What an absolute arsehole.

Original poster
Apricot10 · 14/02/2020 20:22

It's not even just a happy valentine's day! It's a super soppy, you're my one true love type of card as well. My DD handed it over and said this is a bit weird but dad gave it to me to sign. She even thought the whole thing was crap. Anyway, I have put it in a drawer and have been plastering my hallway at this evening a romantic evening on my own! Confused

OP posts:
LJenn · 14/02/2020 21:53

I'm so mad for you 😡😡.
This is petty as F--k but ... I'd nearly get a card, have a friend write on it it (to you) and say something like..
To.. had a really great time the other night, hope to meet up again soon xx
Have it on display next time he shows his face 😂😂.

Original poster
Apricot10 · 14/02/2020 22:27

@LJenn I so nearly went out and bought myself a massive bunch of Rose's earlier. I don't like Rose's though! 😂
I bet he is sat there saying to OW ah I got Apricot a valentine's card from the kids, cause you know I am such an amazing man. Bla bla bla bla. Urgh.

OP posts:
LJenn · 14/02/2020 23:07

@Apricot10 I did wonder about that actually. Then again, she probably admired him so much for being so thoughtful, wanting to help his kids. POS🤮. Your day will come and this crap will be a distant memory 🌈💕

LJenn · 14/02/2020 23:10
listen to this💪🏻
Original poster
Apricot10 · 15/02/2020 08:25

@LJenn I can't believe I haven't heard this song before. Smile

OP posts:
CraicMammy · 15/02/2020 10:44

Brilliant!!

Fluffycloudland77 · 15/02/2020 11:22

I wonder if she’ll dump him in the summer when their outside more & he looks old enough to be her dad?.

LJenn · 15/02/2020 11:32

@Fluffycloudland77 funny story actually... not related to this subject particularly, but my husband is 10 years older than me. Years ago my lung collapsed, I was hospitalised & the doctor went outside to speak to my husband. Approached him and said.. "oh you must be her father!" ... hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂. Needless to say he wasn't impressed.

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 15/02/2020 11:45

It hurts now but with such a big age gap and the cheating their relationship is doomed and when she swaps him out for someone more age appropriate (when she gets broody) and he tries to come crawling back you will be more or less over him and living your best life with your kids.

Original poster
Apricot10 · 16/02/2020 19:44

@yesterdaystotalsteps123 I do hope so. I have felt really crap today. He took my DS to have his haircut this morning, complained he was tired out, that he never gets a day off so he was off to the pub today so couldn't see the kids. Hmm Normally I would've put up a fight, but today I just didn't have the the energy. Day off? F*ck knows what one of those looks like! He has no idea and I doubt he ever will.

OP posts:
S0upertrooper · 17/02/2020 03:51

Hi OP, just popping in to say hi. You've been on my mind and I was wondering how you're getting on. Valentine's day is a load of crap and I've been married nearly 30 years! It's for teenagers who are still starry eyed about love. Keep up the good work ❤👍🥇

Original poster
Apricot10 · 17/02/2020 19:55

@S0upertrooper doing okay thanks. Half term now so juggling work and the kids, but managing okay. Not had any offer of help but wasn't expecting it.
The kids seem to be doing well, we have all rallied together really and are doing okay. No one really talks about ex anymore, the kids don't ask about him.
My DD asked me if he wanted to would I let him come home and I said no and explained why, she had a little cry and we talked it through. She understands but it was obviously something she needed to ask. Smile

OP posts:
S0upertrooper · 19/02/2020 03:04

Your poor DD, I guess she doesn't know everything and doesn't fully understand. You're doing a great job and sound strong, (((hugs))) 🌺