Husband left for woman half his age.

[Apricot10]

Just that really.
He has left me for a 25 year old. He is 40 next month.
We have two children 6 and 9. My DS is Autistic. So I have been left with two children who can't understand why he has gone, especially my DS.
He has moved in with her, so I said I wasn't happy with the children visiting his place as they need more time to adjust to us being apart before he introduces anyone else.
So he is taking them to their grandparents when he has them.
He told me all of this by text. Won't give me her name said I might stalk her. (Like I have the time if I wanted to)
We were together 18 years married 11. I am totally devastated. Just been wrapping presents crying my eyes out.
I just feel so helpless and desperate.
I can't look at him, I feel sick when I do. I loved him for so many years. Why do they do this? What can he surely have in common with this girl?

@Weenurse yep, that's the plan right now.

He wants to look like he’s putting effort in and you are thwarting it all. Dick move. It’s all provable.

Just wanted to say I’ve just read the whole thread and you are absolutely amazing OP

Loving your strength apricot, total admiration

@justilou1 yes, he accused me of changing the goalposts. How I have done that I don't know. He accused me of picking sundays for him because that was OW day off work. I had no idea when she worked, she didn't factor into my decisions making funnily enough.I gave him sundays because me and the DC do a puppy class with our dog on a saturday morning. It was that simple. But no I am trying to get revenge apparently.
@Inforthelonghaul @Dhalandchips thank you, I had another wobble his morning though. Woke up and instantly burst into tears.

Every time you cry you are that little bit closer to healing. You're still processing everything and sometimes you just need to let it out. Get the kettle on and enjoy puppy class. You're doing great

Sunday is a lot of people’s day off work though, isn’t it?.

You ARE going to have dips apricot, and why wouldn't you? You've had the rug pulled from under your life! It's OK to be stressed, confused, frustrated, sad, angry, you name it. But you have a remarkable resilience and KNOW that you're doing the best you possibly can for your kids. They know that they're your priority and that's the best way for them to feel secure and loved. You are a good person x

Tell him to start talking to your DD, and talking in an appropriate way to DS. He shouldn't be treating them like babies and expecting you to do all the communication. He ought to ask them what they'd like to do on their days with him and he'll soon find they don't want to hang around the park for a few hours. What a coward he is. He's opting out of parenting.

He is projecting, as everyone is saying. Men just can’t ever handle being the bad guy. They’re great at pointing out everyone else’s flaws. (Especially to other women...) They can never see themselves through real eyes.

Thanks everyone, me and DD had a lovely walk out with the dog this morning did puppy class and went for a hot choc. DS has gone to soft play with his best friend, when he is gone it makes me realise how "on it" I always am when he is here, he is exhausting. I adore the bones of that boy but he is exhausting.
I do feel a bit better every day, then the level of betrayal hits me and I kind of spiral a bit. I just feel like everyone around me are just pushing me to get over it as it makes it easier for them.
I am meeting up with my good friend next week to have a catch up she has known me and ex for many years, so she is great to talk to.

You are an absolute inspiration Apricot and you are showing your dd that her dad's behaviour is unacceptable which will do her good when she's in her own relationships in years to come.

Keep buffering on my dear. You are amazing.

Buffering?! Buggering!

@HettySunshine thank you I will do. Waiting again for him to turn up to pick the kids up. 40 mins late and counting. 🙄

Stop waiting about for him. Go out.

I second that op, don't wait give 15 mins grace then go out, it concentrates the mind, don't move your boundaries, he isn't your friend anymore.

God I wish I could've today. I think I have food poisoning,bloody typical. If I hadn't been doubled up with stomach cramps I would've gone out.

I agree with other posters. Set him regular times and dates. If he can't turn up on time go out and refuse to move or budge at all. Keep all emails around this and any lateness or not turning up back up with a further email. Then if needed you can take to family court to set up access and can prove he's not reliable at all and that you have been more than flexible with him

I’m fairly new to this thread and read the OP and more recent updates only.

You sound amazing - you’re focusing on what’s best for the kids. Not everyone can do that when they are dealing with so much pain - they can lose sight of it. Keep on going - your kids will know exactly what do have done for them.

Good luck with everything - I’m sure it will turn out well for you.

You've handled this really well. Sorry you're going through it

How are you today, @Apricot10?
Hope you’re doing ok.

Felt a bit crappy today @WizardofAus I think the "sorrow" has hit me. I just feel really really sad.
My DS was saying earlier that he was the only boy in the house now and it seemed to really bother him. Day to day I am managing okay, getting on with work etc. I just feel sad and it doesn't help with all of the Valentine's crap out everywhere.☹

Sad is good. It’s making progress - allow yourself to feel and process the grief for the life you should have had, the DH you thought you had, the future you had imagined. It’s painful but embrace it as it means you are moving on from the “bargaining” phase which keeps you stuck fantasying that it will all go back to normal and moves you towards acceptance.

@Gutterton thank you, yes I do think it is a healthy sadness. I am mourning it all now, it really feels like a bereavement. I think what I am struggling with the most is how little he is bothered by the whole thing. Like the pain he has caused doesn't even detect on his radar. If this was me, and I was the one who had left for another man, I don't think I would be able to live with the guilt. Maybe it's just something men can do more easily? I don't know.
I have two coffee dates with friends this week now, so trying to get out and about when I am not at work and with the kids. It may just be an hour here and there but it's something.

Yes it is like bereavement and has stages. Its ok to feel grief and sadness but you will adjust to your new normal. Sometimes you might feel its one step forward and two back but you will get there. Great you have good friends, let them help and support you.

You will be happy again one day you know. I dont think he will!