Husband left for woman half his age.

[Apricot10]

Just that really.
He has left me for a 25 year old. He is 40 next month.
We have two children 6 and 9. My DS is Autistic. So I have been left with two children who can't understand why he has gone, especially my DS.
He has moved in with her, so I said I wasn't happy with the children visiting his place as they need more time to adjust to us being apart before he introduces anyone else.
So he is taking them to their grandparents when he has them.
He told me all of this by text. Won't give me her name said I might stalk her. (Like I have the time if I wanted to)
We were together 18 years married 11. I am totally devastated. Just been wrapping presents crying my eyes out.
I just feel so helpless and desperate.
I can't look at him, I feel sick when I do. I loved him for so many years. Why do they do this? What can he surely have in common with this girl?

Ha yes. He will be going around telling people ''I thought it would better for the children if we could be friendly, but'' {confused, rueful shake of his head with simultaneous sad sigh} ''she prefers anger'' and the co-dependents he meets on line will lap it up (to begin with)

He will be going around telling people ''I thought it would better for the children if we could be friendly, but'' {confused, rueful shake of his head with simultaneous sad sigh} ''she prefers anger'' and the co-dependents he meets on line will lap it up (to begin with)

And then they'll start a thread on here.

He wants to keep his options open, OP, and have you available if it doesn’t work out.

Well done for not being a mug

Haven’t read your full thread apricot but just wanted to pop in to say that you sound like one amazing lovely woman

If you are making plans to move nearer your family the time to do it is now in case it goes to court
So much harder when the kids are under cafcass and court orders

As he’s dicking them around now he could play mean and dirty just to get back at you.

Mothers unite is your Fb friend
I sincerely hope he plays fair with the kids but I’ve read so many awful stories

Haha! Yes I can see the conversation now. He has actually said that to me. "The children come first, you not being my friend is destroying them, you being upset is destroying them". Nah mate, you abandoning them destroyed them, but I pulled them out of the depths and we are doing fine now. He is surrounding himself with men who have all done the same thing too, his brother (left first wife for younger woman after affair) a mate who left his wife for younger woman while their child was being treated for cancer!) the only ones who will be telling him how right he is. He told me when it all first came out that the OW "admired him" for wanting to be friends. Oh how I laughed.
Thanks for your kind words, it's very appreciated. Me and the kids are off to take the puppy to the park this morning, have a lovely day everyone.

First dibs

He's crazy. I'd have been tempted to say is the comedian too old for your GF to get the jokes then.

And regarding you not being his friend... well I'd be saying I wouldn't encourage my DC to be friends with someone who betrays them.

Foolish man he is.

The OW admires him for wanting to be your friend!

Ha ha. Nearly spat out coffee on my keyboard there. Hilarious. Nearly hilarious. Probably @Apricot10 you can't quiiiite laugh yet but, you will.

I'd just go for a breezy 'yeh yeh course let's be friends" but only so he can't say you refuse.
But don't give him a gram of friendship. If he asks a favour, say, oh unfortunately I cannot help you out! {Headtilt} hope you sort it out though!

That kind of breezy vibe.

But there is a high boundary there behind the breezy, "well, glad we can be friends through this divorce!"

"You are depressed? You should look after yourself and talk to a doctor right away".

@TheYearOfTheDog Yes, that's the way I am playing it now. A lot and nodding and smiling, not giving much else. The "admire" thing floored me when he first said it, my first reaction was to just burst out laughing and I did. These were all things that were said in the first week or so after I found out about the OW.

@AlexanderHalexander at first I didn't think I was the back up plan, but now yes I think he is lining me up to be that. Nope, not going to happen.
@SandyY2K I wonder how the conversation went about the tickets with the OW? "Hi my ex wife has first dibs on the night out at the theatre, if she doesn't want to go, you wanna go, as my back date?" I almost feel sorry for her. ALMOST.

He is constructing his own narratives that is clear. His Truth is a very subjective murky wasteland.

I bet the OW was busy the nigth of the concerts. Because he hasn't considered what you want or any of your rights or needs in any of this but suddenly you're expected to believe that he has decided that the right thing to do is to put his wife first and the other woman second on this particular night out. ha ha. He thinks you two are sister wives now or what!

Do you know what the best part is? She works at the theatre. So if we stopped for a drink she would probably be behind the bar serving! 😂 I do know how ridiculous this all sounds!

Wait she works THERE?!? Was he perhaps trying to rub it in your face or what by bringing you with him?? I'm just TRYING to find logic in actually asking you to go with him...
Are you for real pal???😂😂😳

It's probably not even that at all.. he's probably legitimately that dim😂😂. Maybe he was hoping you and the GF would hit it off and you could all be friends 😂😂🤷🏻‍♀️. (Slaps forehead/shaking head)

She works at the theatre. So if we stopped for a drink she would probably be behind the bar serving!

It almost would have been worth taking him up on the tickets to see how he handled that.

Is it to try and convince her that you too were living like brother and sister no hard feelings between you both etc to support his version of himself as a great guy.
If u do ever meet her id calmly say it has been such a shock. I tried so hard to make the marriage work ... he has left me with so much responsibility (sn child)

@TheYearOfTheDog Yes I suspect that exactly what he has been saying. The old we were just mates living together, bla bla bla.
My very good friend knows OW well, in fact she used to be her boss. And she was shocked that she is involved in this she said "she thought more of her" so I reckon he is feeding her all sorts. Doesn't make it okay to sleep with a married man though.

Oh Fuck Me! She admires the Great Man who still wants to be friends despite his irrational wife’s refusal to do the right thing for him and their mutual kids. Doesn’t she know it’s their future she’s playing with???
Dolly bird is a fucking idiot. He needs two weeks with the kids at her flat.

Yeh drop off kids while you airb n b the house to pay for SHL

🤪

Not updated for a few days I have had the worst flu of my life! Feel dreadful, my DS has been ill too so it's been a nightmare the last week or so.
I got an email. After I told him we wouldn't be hanging out AGAIN. He emailed me saying that he was sad that I felt it had to be like that, that I was the only friend he really had and he didn't think he would ever have rapport with anyone in his life. So not only has he said we didnt have rapport for 18 years, but also he doesn't have it with the new exciting younger model!
I just said yep so that's the way it is. We were best friends we had a lot going for us but he threw it down the pan for a woman he doesn't think he has rapport with. Seems the novelty has warn off already. What a knob.
My good friend has just dropped off some night nurse for me so hopefully will sleep tonight.

Just read your thread , I think you are a legend op , you got this girl xxx

All that talk about it not being a good marriage, to the point he felt the need to cheat, yet suddenly you have such great rapport and are/were his best friend.

In what universe does a best friend betray you like Judas.

He's off his head. It won't last long with his bit on the side. He's risked his marriage...for what?

The guy thinks you’re as stupid as he is if he thinks you’re going to fall for that kind of twaddle... I hope you feel better very, very quickly!!!

He emailed you? Have you blocked his phone no or is he just afraid to text you in case the GF finds out😂🤷🏻‍♀️. Anyway, shame that he threw away what you both had for (what's probably going to be a phase). Glad you're sticking to your guns 👍🏻. Hope you're feeling better soon 💗

"He emailed me saying that he was sad that I felt it had to be like that, that I was the only friend he really had and he didn't think he would ever have rapport with anyone in his life."

I was having a tiny bit of sympathy towards him. Perhaps he had just fallen out of love, whatever. But you're right right, only a complete knob would write something like this. Given the circumstances he has no right, at all, to try and dictate how you should feel.