Husband left for woman half his age.

[Apricot10]

Just that really.
He has left me for a 25 year old. He is 40 next month.
We have two children 6 and 9. My DS is Autistic. So I have been left with two children who can't understand why he has gone, especially my DS.
He has moved in with her, so I said I wasn't happy with the children visiting his place as they need more time to adjust to us being apart before he introduces anyone else.
So he is taking them to their grandparents when he has them.
He told me all of this by text. Won't give me her name said I might stalk her. (Like I have the time if I wanted to)
We were together 18 years married 11. I am totally devastated. Just been wrapping presents crying my eyes out.
I just feel so helpless and desperate.
I can't look at him, I feel sick when I do. I loved him for so many years. Why do they do this? What can he surely have in common with this girl?

He sounds like my Ex and some men who I know too, really lots of fun when younger but they all get quite tedious now! It’s a shame, but teenage older men are so unattractive. They are boring.

Sorry I know that’s your DH, Ex DH, but I think that helps to start the process of getting over them. They had such potential but they’ve chosen a juvenile self limiting path. He might be slapping himself on the back congratulating himself on being so ‘virile’ and that he just ‘couldn’t help it’ and that he needed ‘something more’ or whatever bullshit he’s telling himself. However it’s really hollow.

My Ex, with the pretty young wealthy GF... it’s strange he’s just so much less than he was when I met him. He should have grown and matured, with me and our child. We had a lot of plans and a lot of fun. But he didn’t. He stubbornly clung to his going out, partying, resisting any responsibilities so I was keeling over with them. And now I just think he’s really unattractive and can’t believe he’s got a pretty GF because I honestly wouldn’t go near him! I think he’s a ‘small man’ now but he could have been someone of more substance, and he could have bought up him child.

Guaranteed the other woman will be gone once he has the kids 50%. You won't see her for dust. A useless 40 year old man and 2 kids?

I think you should keep a diary of the missed access times in case it becomes relevant if you need to make a more formal arrangement.

^

Likewise keep all texts, emails etc.

Reminds me of Tom Cruise... married the older woman first to get himself started and then kept marrying women of about the same age..... 23?

@Apricot10 I shouldn't laugh but your summary of his peaking in school tickled me. In a way I think he's done you a favour by leaving and behaving like such an arse as it's enabled you to see him for what he is without the guilt of wondering what it would have been like if you'd stayed together.

Re: the kids, make sure you're keeping a detailed record of the times he's letting them down, etc. Is there anyone who could look after them for a night or two so that you can have a break for yourself? You need to make sure you're taking care of your own mental health.

@Apricot10 "I think he peaked in school to be honest." 😂😂😂😂 Brilliant 😂😂.

What an immature waste of space he is🤷🏻‍♀️

Hi everyone, sorry only just caught up on the thread.
Not seen sol yet, the free session books up so quickly and I missed it this week, so will get in next week. I have been putting info together for it though and have all of my questions.
He has messed me about again this week with visits. So I am now just ignoring requests to change the night when they come through.
It was his birthday last week and he got some tickets to see a comedian and asked if I wanted to go with him, said I had "first dibs"😳 I politely declined.
In what world would I want to do that? I have literally told him I hate his guts, and we are not friends and he still comes out with stuff like that. I wonder if he needs his hearing checked.😳 the whole thing just gets more bizarre.

Miss Twenttee must have gone out with her pals - and on his birthday too!

Oh dear .. had he no "cool" friends to go out with for his birthday? They were probably all at home LOOKING AFTER THEIR KIDS!!!

Seriously the absolute neck. This guy is in denial. Acting like he can just move on with his life and you're both just going to be friends. Glad you're keeping a record of everything👍🏻.

You’re doing so well @Apricot10
Keep going. See a solicitor soon.
You write the rules. Not him.

What a fucking weirdo he is!!!

It is so odd isn't it? The tickets are for March so asked if I wanted to go then. Erm, nope!

Girlfriend is ALREADY busy??? Interesting...

He is totally deluded. You are well tried of him!!

Well RID of him.

God! What a loser.
He KNOWS he is in the wrong but keeping you as a "friend" and doing family things means everything is ok therefore he has nothing to feel bad about. He just doesn't like being reminded that he is a tosser!
Does OW know he still wants you to be best buds?
If everyone just got on with their lives it would be so much easier for HIM and that is all he cares about. Prrrick.

Also, "first dibs" on the tickets ?!.. lol pretty sure you had first dibs on HIM too but that didn't stop him did it.

PLEASE don't take him back, op. Because that's what he's gearing towards. He has shown you his hand.

You have told him, he doesn’t need his hearing checked, but.......

YOU need to show some ACTIONS.

Don’t be engaging with him - why has he the opportunity to talk to you like this?

Lol at you having first dibs.
He doesnt understand yet that you are not playing the "pick me" dance.

I agree, he's gearing up to coming back to you. Don't fall for it, he's only doing it for pure self interest.

Jesus. I will not be going back there. @Gutterton Unfortunately because of my sons special needs (he is Autistic) it isn't easy to just dump and run as he needs settling, and everything needs to be explained over and over again even getting into the car. And that's when he talks AT me.I certainly don't engage, I just ignore him and carry on doing what I need to do for my DS. As him feeling happy and not anxious is the most important part of the hand overs, it's the difference between my DS being in utter turmoil all day or being settled, it is on a knife edge constantly with him. So I can't not be in his company even for 5 minutes while I sort DS, he can say what he likes though, I will not be going back there. He makes my skin crawl now, amazing how 18 years of loving someone can be switched off within weeks.
I know the whole first dibs thing made me laugh @LJenn. He's deluded.

Then you need to tell your x before he comes that handover is sensitive - that your sons needs are paramount - so you want him to not talk to you as you are focusing on your son.

Seriously need to shut him down and shut him out with clear actions as all of this interaction and details about his GF and their life is not emotionally healthy for you.

What a twat. I hope he enjoys his new life, being the oldest person in the club by 20 years 😂

Tragic.

You sound awesome OP. Just think, you’ve done nothing wrong, you are a good person, you have your kids and you a great mum.

He’s a lazy, lying, cheating man-child. Absolute waste of oxygen, never mind, eh?What on earth is that 24 year old thinking? There will be something wrong with her, that she can’t find a partner her own age.

Sleep well OP, you are amazing

I have literally told him I hate his guts, and we are not friends and he still comes out with stuff like that. I wonder if he needs his hearing checked.😳 the whole thing just gets more bizarre.

He is setting himself up in his own mind as the guy who is still great friends with his former wife. When you turn down his friendship and generosity it's a sign that you are a lesser mortal than he is.

Everything he says and does is completely self referential. Nothing he says or does is about you. It's all ego stroking.