Husband left for woman half his age.

[Apricot10]

Just that really.
He has left me for a 25 year old. He is 40 next month.
We have two children 6 and 9. My DS is Autistic. So I have been left with two children who can't understand why he has gone, especially my DS.
He has moved in with her, so I said I wasn't happy with the children visiting his place as they need more time to adjust to us being apart before he introduces anyone else.
So he is taking them to their grandparents when he has them.
He told me all of this by text. Won't give me her name said I might stalk her. (Like I have the time if I wanted to)
We were together 18 years married 11. I am totally devastated. Just been wrapping presents crying my eyes out.
I just feel so helpless and desperate.
I can't look at him, I feel sick when I do. I loved him for so many years. Why do they do this? What can he surely have in common with this girl?

I may have been boring to him and not fun, I was working, and looking after his kids one whom has special needs while he chased skirt. Because I didn't give him enough attention? Give me a break!

These little boys are always, ALWAYS, like this op. The ones who go after the young women in their teens/early twenties, who want to also be great mates with ex as well as still retaining family fun times with the kids AND getting to have their fun shagging times with new little bit on the side. They literally cannot comprehend in their narcissistic little heads that they cannot have everything. Dumbass.

What was he like to come home to? Was he Michael Fassbender but with the personality of Michael McIntyre?

@TheYearOfTheDog everyone calls him Micheal McIntyre! 😂
@YouJustDoYou it is truly pathetic isn't it?

@Beastm0de

From my male perspective I don't think there's any evidence that he was bored or craving attention.

Some men are simply opportunists. He's likely seen this girl, she's shown some interest, and all of a sudden he can think of a million reasons why his marriage isn't working. Judging by what the OP has said (she is totally awesome, by the way) my take is that it's highly likely he'll come crawling back. The day he hears she's got a BF he will cry himself to sleep.

@yepimaman I appreciate that thank you. Now you mention it there has been a fair amount re writing history in recent weeks, we had a happy marriage for the most part, obviously it wasn't perfect but the way he is talking the whole 18 years was a living nightmare. He has just re written the entire marriage, but I guess that helps him sleep at night.

Exactly what @yepimaman said. Women can bend over backwards trying to please a man, making sure their sex life is fulfilling, making sure she keeps herself looking good, making an effort in the relationship, yet these men will always fabricate a reason.

Every marriage has its ups and downs, but (and I'm very ashamedly speaking from experience here) when you have your head turned, you can turn into a complete and utter selfish moron. The reason I posted here is because I recognise the behaviour. I was such an idiot, and I paid the price. Of course, I don't know your exDH, but don't let him re-write history. It's nonsense. It allows him to internally justify his behaviour. Without it, he'd have to accept he's behaved horribly and selfishly to the people who should have been able to rely on him most in the world.

@yepimaman Thank you I appreciate your honesty. I think that is exactly what he is doing trying to justify what he has done in his own mind. I think he is starting to believe his own lies now. I just want it all to be done, I don't really feel anything towards him now, he has killed anything I had left for him. I just want to move on with my life and have him step up for the kids. But I suspect I have a while of this crap to go through just yet.

Definitely keep a diary of every time he misses contact with the kids or brings them home early. The moment you start to get legal with this prick, especially regarding finances, he’s going to get manipultive with them and ugly with you and any family and mutual friends he can. He’s going to try and paint you in as unreasonable a light as he can (he already is...) to justify his bad behaviour. SEE A BLOODY SOLICITOR!

Next time he comes to pick them up, put your coat on and leave the house with them...wave them goodbye and say hope they have a nice time.

He can't just bring them back when he wants if you're not in.

I know someone who did this, but she would get herself dressed up...looking all glam. She only went for a coffee or to see a friend....or browsing round the shops, but she absolutely didn't want him thinking she was sitting around mopping for him.

Have you changed the locks so he can’t let himself in?

Changing the locks sounds like a great idea actually. After all, he's staying with the bit of fluff, I mean new partner, now so...🤷🏻‍♀️.

I actually can't wait to see the day you post that you've started seeing someone else and he (husband) shits himself, because reality will have hit him.

You can't change locks, sorry.

I can't change the locks he owns half the house. Wish I could.

You can’t change the locks if you jointly own the house.

But...if you ‘accidentally’ break a key in a lock, you’d need to change it.

With everything else going on it could quite easily ‘slip your mind’ to give him another key. 😉👍

Technically you can’t change the locks but would he take you to court to reverse this action?

You can though have a chub lock with the key left in or chain on from the inside (go out the back door?). Does he let himself into the house?

Maybe you can electrocute them....

OP, one more reason to get cracking on the divorce and separation formalisation. Once things are formalised, you can change the locks. Discuss this with your solicitor.

You’ll also have the visitation set by court order. Ex own solicitor will explain to Ex that it’s normal to have the children out of your home during visitation and if ex wants 50/50, the DC should have their own sleeping arrangements where he lives. If Ex can’t do that, then perhaps a contact centre could be suggested however there’s loads of things he could do with DC as you pointed out, soft play, cinema, swimming, zoo, parks, children museums etc. Suggest he looks at Let’s Go with Children in whatever county you live in.

On the note of divorce on grounds of adultery (which this is) note there’s a time limit to start proceedings within 6 months if you’re knowing about it.

Helpful and informative post AdoreBeach

I have just read the whole thread and I think you are a fantastic person and a great mum😊. How the hell is he expecting to have a decent relationship with the kids if he’s not allowed to take them to his flat! You are well rid of him.

@AdoreTheBeach thank you that is great advice. I didn't realise the 6 month thing. I have just spoken to my boss and she has told me to take some time to get things like solicitors sorted so I am on it today and tomorrow, get an appointment sorted for next week.
@Powerplant thank you so much. I didn't feel so great this morning when I realised I had forgotten to dry my DD school uniform and it was still in the wash! I was drying tights with a hairdryer at 7.30am! 😂

Wow that's great of your boss!! Fair play. Good luck with the solicitor👍🏻👍🏻

Thank you @LJenn, yes she is brilliant. I am very lucky.

You CAN change the locks, but there’s nothing legally stopping him from breaking and entering his own property. Would he go as far to put a window through to get in though?

@Herpesfreesince03 No he wouldn't do that, he is the tightest person I know, he wouldn't want to pay to fix the window.🙄