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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband lied about Christmas party

233 replies

Dominique82 · 12/12/2019 16:29

We were having dinner out on Tuesday night, and I just asked him out of curiosity when is his work Christmas party, as I had not heard anything about it, and wasn’t too bothered to ask earlier. He answered that it looks like they are not having a Christmas party this year as a lot of people are working away or not in town. I did thing that’s quite odd not to have an office Christmas party, but wasn’t really questioning it.
It’s a small/medium newish office, around 30 people, quite international and he is the boss.
It would all be forgotten, except this morning I found a receipt in his jacket from a restaurant from Monday (so a day BEFORE he told me there was no Christmas party this year) for 23covers ‘Christmas deluxe menu’, cost over 2,5k,but the cost is completely irrelevant as that is obviously an expense that he will claim. So there is absolutely no doubt there WAS a Christmas party, which he lied to my face about.
Not only that, but he sent me a message on Monday afternoon asking what time am I going to be home as he needs to work late to finish off a presentation. He got home around 11pm, never mentioned a word about a Christmas party.
I am thinking WTF is this about??? It’s not like he cheated on me, but he lied twice, and made up a story about some imaginary work presentation. Am I overreacting ? I feel actually rather distressed. Could there be a justification to this?

OP posts:
MsPepperPotts · 12/12/2019 21:29

So have you met his family yet?
Do you live in your flat or his house?
Have you met his son yet?

Mesacasa · 12/12/2019 21:35

Girl, you need to :

  1. Get a divorce
  2. Get some therapy to help with your self esteem issues
  3. Find happiness on your own

Only then should you consider dating.

Trust me, you deserve so much more than this

Sunflowersok · 12/12/2019 21:41

I’m sure the last thing OP needs right now is people having a go at her! Can people stick to the issue at hand, she’s asked for support and advice not a digging.

I hope you are okay OP. You are worth so much more than him.

lige · 12/12/2019 21:44

I haven’t read the thread. He could just be a compulsive liar. Some people are. They lie for no reason sometimes.

ivykaty44 · 12/12/2019 21:48

There isn’t much point in having a conversation with a liar 🤥

MitziK · 12/12/2019 21:52

His wife probably enjoyed the party.

Strange how you got married in another country. No family of his. Just people you knew. And you're still being kept secret.

Almost as though he never got divorced from the first one.

kateandme · 12/12/2019 22:01

oh god this isnt the bloke you said you got rid of!!

kateandme · 12/12/2019 22:03

Sunflowersok its not having a go when you were with her through all of this one for a dozen pages or more and she finally got away from him.thats very relvant and all that was going on then is very relevant.if people had know who this guy was on page one of this post im sure the answers would be very different too!

kateandme · 12/12/2019 22:03

Sunflowersok its not having a go when you were with her through all of this one for a dozen pages or more and she finally got away from him.thats very relvant and all that was going on then is very relevant.if people had know who this guy was on page one of this post im sure the answers would be very different too!

GabsAlot · 12/12/2019 22:16

You marrued him wtf? you hadnt met his freind family nothing about his life!

LuluBellaBlue · 12/12/2019 22:27

How strange!
I once dated someone who was a compulsive liar too, even when I had full proof and facts he would still stick with his lie and argue despite it being 100% obvious!!

In fact I recall there’s been a thread on here where someone posted that they couldn’t stop lying even when they knew they’d get caught out.
I do think it must be related to a mental heath condition / trauma.

FlamedToACrisp · 12/12/2019 22:40

It seems obvious that he didn't tell you because he didn't want you to go.

And why?

Again, either he is flirting with someone at work (or having an affair with them) or he took another woman.

MsDogLady · 12/12/2019 22:48

I well recall your previous thread and how you allowed him to take financial and emotional advantage of you. You never mentioned the past lies though.

He is once again stomping on your boundaries.

Although he makes $100,000+ (3x your salary) and has a very nice house/car in another town that he went to on weekends, he massively freeloaded off you during the week. He even inconvenienced you by turning your kitchen into his home office. You were stretched from paying everything and were alarmed over an exorbitant utility bill, but you wouldn’t ask him to pay his fair share of anything. Also, in 3 years you had not met his son, relatives, or friends save one. The very few times that you’d visited him on weekends, he took you out-of-town to socialize. You were basically excluded from his life in that town.

By the end of the thread, you had opened your eyes to his cocklodging and his dodgy ways. You texted him to find alternate lodgings. You were amazed at your courage, as in previous relationships you took years to take needed action. Nevertheless, you married him months later.

OP, he is still the same narcissistic, entitled man who is using you as his supply and expects you to keep him on a pedestal and accept whatever lies he feeds you. Stay with him at your own peril.

DioneTheDiabolist · 12/12/2019 22:51

Oh OP.Crown Sad

Creepster · 13/12/2019 01:29

If you read up on abusers you find that the number of times women leave and they love bomb us into coming back averages seven.

amiapropermum · 13/12/2019 07:40

I hate seeing threads where people harange and scold and tell the OP off for past decisions. We have all made mistakes, we're all human and not infallible and none of us can turn back time.

I couldn't be with a serial liar either, OP. He either has something specific to hide or can't tell the truth in general.

Octothorpe · 13/12/2019 08:43

The thing is, as PPs have said, Dominque82's previous thread is all part of a much bigger story (and very well summarised by MsDogLady above). You do really need to read both to get the full context.

I remember the previous thread too, and I'm very sorry to hear that you didn't manage to end the relationship, OP . He's not trustworthy, sad to say. That's it, really.

amiapropermum · 13/12/2019 09:21

I agree on the context - it's always relevant - and I've read both threads. It's the scolding I think isn't right on a support forum. It's easy to think things are cut and dried when you're reading it on a screen but I know I've made some dubious decisions due to emotions or grief or lack of self confidence. I don't think that telling someone off who can't undo the past is helpful and it could put people off looking for help here which would be really sad.

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 13/12/2019 13:03

I haven't read the prior thread. IMO there's enough about him just on this thread to make me say LTB. To live one's life with a liar is to live the rest of your life never knowing what is 'real' and what is not. It's to live in a constant state of suspicion and uncertainty. Even 'innocent' lies (if there is such a thing) are destructive to a marriage.

MulticolourTinselOnTheTree · 13/12/2019 13:48

OP, I'm not going to join in with the nagging, it's irrelevant now.

I'd say you need to finally disentagle yourself from the man, and it may be worth investigating to see if he actually divorced his ex, to help you get your ducks in a row in sorting the finance, and definitely get some legal advice once you know whether you are actually married or not.

He's such a liar, I'd wonder if he's ever told the truth about his ex. And there will be a reason he didn't want you at the meal, even if it was just as a headfuck to you.

TrueCrimeFan · 14/12/2019 21:09

OP it's such a bizarre thing to lie about!

Racheyg · 14/12/2019 21:31

I don't often reply on these threads but I remember your your other thread op.

I really hope you have the strength to do what right for you

windycuntryside · 14/12/2019 22:13

He’s already/still married, there is a big secret he doesn’t want to be revealed to you.
Or he didn’t go to the Christmas party, therefore not a lie. He met for shaggy time and turned up at the end to pay.

bottlenose301 · 15/12/2019 01:06

Sounds like a compulsive liar.
Not sure I could be with someone like that but I know it's hard