Husband lied about Christmas party

[Dominique82]

We were having dinner out on Tuesday night, and I just asked him out of curiosity when is his work Christmas party, as I had not heard anything about it, and wasn’t too bothered to ask earlier. He answered that it looks like they are not having a Christmas party this year as a lot of people are working away or not in town. I did thing that’s quite odd not to have an office Christmas party, but wasn’t really questioning it.
It’s a small/medium newish office, around 30 people, quite international and he is the boss.
It would all be forgotten, except this morning I found a receipt in his jacket from a restaurant from Monday (so a day BEFORE he told me there was no Christmas party this year) for 23covers ‘Christmas deluxe menu’, cost over 2,5k,but the cost is completely irrelevant as that is obviously an expense that he will claim. So there is absolutely no doubt there WAS a Christmas party, which he lied to my face about.
Not only that, but he sent me a message on Monday afternoon asking what time am I going to be home as he needs to work late to finish off a presentation. He got home around 11pm, never mentioned a word about a Christmas party.
I am thinking WTF is this about??? It’s not like he cheated on me, but he lied twice, and made up a story about some imaginary work presentation. Am I overreacting ? I feel actually rather distressed. Could there be a justification to this?

[eddielizzard]

You can't trust a word that comes out his mouth

[TheBeastInMsRooneysRoom]

Dominique82 Thu 12-Dec-19 17:05:25
The main thing is thank you for reassurance that I am ok to feel angry about this lie.

You are ok to feel angry about every lie he has told you and will continue to tell you. You don't need permission for that - it is not a normal part of any healthy relationship.

Don't have children with this clown.

[midep]

Do you live in his house now OP, or are you still in your flat?

[HollowTalk]

Just read the other thread - what the hell happened in the last few months to make you marry this guy?

[Haffiana]

OP, does he ever take you out to expensive dinners?

I am wondering if he lied because he doesn't want you to question - even to yourself - about whether/when/how often he takes you to a restaurant? That he doesn't want you to know that he has had a night out because he is stingy and mean about taking you out?

[Dominique82]

Ok, so his reply- what party? Do you mean the set meal for the team?
He is trying to play it down now, making me look like a crazy bitch, So... was he working on a presentation, or was he in a restaurant with 23 people?
I think the answer is that yes, he is just on his lie autopilot.

[PaulHollywoodsleftbollockhair]

My first thought - he is having a fling with someone and doesn't want you finding out -or them about you. Worried that someone else might spill the beans?

Could it be his ex attending with him instead and they have reconciled ?

Affair with someone though.

[housebuyer101]

it's so weird because this seems like something a wife would be happy at - no big party, no big piss up, just a nice meal and home. Yet he's lied about it...so so strange.

I genuinely cannot think of a reason other than being scared to tell you / worried about what you would say.

[PaulHollywoodsleftbollockhair]

REPLY- the Christmas party/meal you denied was ever taking place. Why did you lie?

[BercowsFestiveFlamingo]

Oh OP. Get yourself the best Christmas present you can: a divorce.

[HundredMilesAnHour]

Having read your previous thread, I really don't understand why you married this man rather than dumping him earlier this year. Unfortunately you reap what you sow. It's hard to be sympathetic when the red flags were there but you chose to not only ignore them but you then married him. It feels like any advice people give you now will just be ignored, like it was last time.

[housebuyer101]

actually just thought of something - not all companies would approve it so maybe there's a budget and the meal was more than the budget and comes up as his own expense. So maybe it's because he was spending his money on it and knew it would blow up.

Companies have a lot of rules when it comes to expenses...the tax deductible amount is £150 per head, maybe the company has a rule of £60 or something and he knew they'd go over?

[Loveislandaddict]

In one sense, he did answer truthfully. There wasn’t a Christmas party this year.

However, he could have said that the presentation was cancelled and/or they had a works meal afterwards.

Something doesn’t add up.

[Gazelda]

Ok, so his reply- what party? Do you mean the set meal for the team?
He is trying to play it down now, making me look like a crazy bitch, So... was he working on a presentation, or was he in a restaurant with 23 people?
I'd be replying " So you lied. I can't trust someone who lies to me for no good reason. Or who misleads me, or who is economical with the truth. Whatever you want to call it, I can't trust you. We need to talk"

[DarlingNikita]

Really odd.

[Dominique82]

poster HollowTalk Thu 12-Dec-19 17:42:40
Just read the other thread - what the hell happened in the last few months to make you marry this guy

took me on holiday, proposed and we married literally a month later in a registery office in France with like 10 people at the wedding (mostly my family who live in the village anyway)...
Sorry to change subject

[CalleighDoodle]

Goodness, you knew he was a liar. Why marry him?

[RogersVideo]

Of course you are allowed to be angry that your husband is lying to you.

After reading your other thread, I do think you need to have serious words with yourself about what you want. I think you know you've made a mistake, where do you go from here?

[Dominique82]

I KNOW I KNOW, I don’t feel very proud of myself. Totally stupid thing to do, marry a liar, but I was head over heels in love. Completely blinded.
However thank you for replies on this thread. He now stopped replying to my messages.

[Sunflowersok]

I’m just going to put this out there, I’m sorry if this offends OP.

The first thing I thought here was that he was lying because he didn’t want you there - because there was someone else there he didn’t want YOU to meet.

It reeks of a female colleague.

I’m not saying that he is the type to do that I apologise if that’s the case. I’ve had a similar situation before - ExP didn’t want me to go on a night out with mutual friends (his friends who were also inviting their partners). I wanted to go. He put his foot down and said I’m not invited blah blah was really angry, fell out with me, got me all upset and went out anyway. Said o was the one who was controlling.

It turns out his friends girlfriend had invited a friend out with the group - later found out he fancied her and was messaging her.

You weren’t there for a reason OP, whether it’s because of the extremes above or something much smaller.

I’d play this smart and start digging if I was you. Obviously I wouldn’t advise this in a normal, open, trusting relationship but he’s lied before right? So you know you aren’t ever going to get a straight answer.

[Creepster]

You have some decisions to make.
You have been conned by a deceitful love bomber who overwhelmed all your doubts and rushed you into a commitment before you could find out lying and gaslighting wasn't a one off but a way of life for him.
Feeling crazy is basically your future with a man who delights in deception.
I am so very sorry he conned you into a commitment against your better judgment.
There is a book you need to read called "Why Does He DO That" about controlling men and the methods they use.

[ScreamingValalalalahLalalalah]

OP - do you have a work party coming up that he doesn't want you to go to? Could he have been setting the scene to say that he didn't go to one, so you shouldn't either?

[LemonTT]

My take is that he gave a team member the card to go out for their meal whilst he did the presentation. I wouldn’t call it a party either. It’s a fairly mundane explanation for a mundane event. No party, instead a team meal he paid for but didn’t attend.

But honestly this is beyond dysfunctional if that wasn’t seen as what happened. The back story confirms the reason for the dysfunction in what should be a happy period.

[RandomMess]

I think he is just a compulsive liar.

End it sooner rather than later before he drives you crazy

[HowlsMovingBungalow]

Splashed out on your wedding didn't he OP?