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Original poster

Husband lied about Christmas party

233 replies

Dominique82 · 12/12/2019 16:29

We were having dinner out on Tuesday night, and I just asked him out of curiosity when is his work Christmas party, as I had not heard anything about it, and wasn’t too bothered to ask earlier. He answered that it looks like they are not having a Christmas party this year as a lot of people are working away or not in town. I did thing that’s quite odd not to have an office Christmas party, but wasn’t really questioning it.
It’s a small/medium newish office, around 30 people, quite international and he is the boss.
It would all be forgotten, except this morning I found a receipt in his jacket from a restaurant from Monday (so a day BEFORE he told me there was no Christmas party this year) for 23covers ‘Christmas deluxe menu’, cost over 2,5k,but the cost is completely irrelevant as that is obviously an expense that he will claim. So there is absolutely no doubt there WAS a Christmas party, which he lied to my face about.
Not only that, but he sent me a message on Monday afternoon asking what time am I going to be home as he needs to work late to finish off a presentation. He got home around 11pm, never mentioned a word about a Christmas party.
I am thinking WTF is this about??? It’s not like he cheated on me, but he lied twice, and made up a story about some imaginary work presentation. Am I overreacting ? I feel actually rather distressed. Could there be a justification to this?

OP posts:
wherearemymarbles · 12/12/2019 19:46

I reckon he went out with bunch of mates, played spoof for the bill and lost

And doesnt want to tell you he’s two and a half grand down

wherearemymarbles · 12/12/2019 19:47

Or he has footed the bill personally for the party and cant claim it back

everythingisopposite · 12/12/2019 19:52

My first boyfriend when I was 17 would do this. Just lie about stupid pointless things. I asked him why he did it and he said he didn't know. It's weird.

managedmis · 12/12/2019 19:53

what party? Do you mean the set meal for the team?

^

Like randy Andy with the shoot meet that WAS NOT a party

Except it was Confused

everythingisopposite · 12/12/2019 19:58

Can people stop getting at OP for marrying this guy. Life and emotions are rarely so simple and straightforward that a few posts from strangers on an social media site will cause people to disentangle themselves from situations and people they have stong, complicated and contradicting feelings about.

We all fuck up - sometimes colossally. People making themselves feel big by waving their finger and saying 'I told you so' is not constructive.

afterme · 12/12/2019 19:59

Christmas do/meal/party. Does it matter what it’s called? He said he was late because he was doing a presentation.

separatebeds · 12/12/2019 20:05

I wonder if he afraid to tell you about the party because of your reaction? is it easier for him not to tell you?.

You mention that you do have a go at him for the amount he travels - this must be tough for him IF the travel is essential.
Also, you say that you 100% would not attend the party makes me think that even if you were invited you would not go for some reason.... Why is this?

Does he lie to avoid getting it in the ear?

plumbabe · 12/12/2019 20:09

Wow. He told you he was writing a presentation!!! Compulsive liar. Very weird. I wonder what else he’s lied about

Anotheruser02 · 12/12/2019 20:10

Does he lie to avoid getting it in the ear?

People lie because they are liars. It is not the fault of the person they are lying to.

Happygirl79 · 12/12/2019 20:16

Sounds very suspicious
He has lied about the party he has arranged but has gone to it and said he has had to stay back at work for a presentation?
Has anyone new joined the company..? Female?

Artandlove · 12/12/2019 20:23

Firstly, I haven’t read the historic post but I will do once I have written back to this post. I believe whether it was a party, dinner or lunch is irrelevant. If he believes it not to be a party then when you asked he would have said “no not a party this year, just a meal at the restaurant near by work”. This would be the case if he was attending it or not, he’d still volunteer the information. So whatever the situation he’s being dishonest and can’t get out of it by saying “it wasn’t a party!”. I wouldn’t let this drop until he gave you a straight answer on why he didn’t mention it or why he didn’t say he was there or that he was too busy to make it because of his presentation. My gut feeling is that he did go and perhaps there is somebody he doesn’t want you to meet, not necessarily having an affair - yet.

Sorry you are having to deal with all of his nonsense. You are not crazy or overthinking things and deserve to be treated better.

riceuten · 12/12/2019 20:24

he's lied to cover up another lie (ie. cheating)

I think this one hits the nail on the head. £2,500 spent ?? Sorry, this would ring large alarm bells - WHY lie about an Xmas party ? It's not like you were inviting yourself along, is it ? I'd confront him and see where it went. I think you had reasonable grounds for suspicion as well.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 12/12/2019 20:25

It's all a bit "What do you expect from a horse but a kick? really, isn't it?

Of course it isn't your fault that he lies, he may not know why he does it himself. But the unfortunate truth is that you seem to be someone who values truthfulness, and marriage to a determined liar will only bring you misery.

The only step you need to take now is to consider what you want to happen. Do you want to make some sort of (probably futile) attempt at therapy? Are you going to let him talk you round again? Will you split up? Given that there is no happy ending on offer (trust me on that, you will never feel secure if you can't rely on his word), what will cause you the least pain and offer you the best chance for long term happiness?

ShamefulBlanket · 12/12/2019 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KickAssAngel · 12/12/2019 20:36

My first thought on reading the other thread is that he has another girlfriend he sees at weekends.

If I just read this one by itself I immediately think he's got another girlfriend somewhere, and it's probably someone at work. It does sound like he habitually lies, and keeps things from you. Maybe he's just a compulsive liar with no good reason, or maybe he has girlfriend #2 or 3 in the background. Have you met his family yet? His son? If you married in France did you have to prove that he is divorced? Does he still go to his house at weekends without you? Are you linked on social media?

I'm sorry, but this sounds like him being a compulsive liar/fantasist is the best possibility, with other much worse possibilities to worry about.

VenusTiger · 12/12/2019 20:36

Tbh I wouldn’t care about the why he is lying, it’s the fact that he does and still is lying. That’s so disrespectful and he’s keeping parts of his life to himself which is weird and unhealthy in a partnership.

You should tell him this and that you can’t be with someone you simply cannot trust.

MsNobodyHere · 12/12/2019 20:38

Why are people fixating on the pathetic detail that a meal is not a Christmas party? Fgs, he has deliberately lied saying he was working late on a presentation, texted to say he was leaving work and the next day said the presentation went well. All very deliberate lies to cover this Christmas meal. Plus when OP asked about the party he would have just said 'no party but we're having a work meal instead' but no.

OP there's someone else at work. Either everyone knows or she doesn't know about you. Either way he doesn't want you anywhere near his work colleagues.

SevenStones · 12/12/2019 20:38

Also, seriously, it’s not hard to find a poster’s previous threads using AS. If you are posting here asking someone to link it, you’re lazy or need basic IT literacy training.

I've no idea what AS is and have no idea how to find a poster's posting history. I only had the link because someone posted it earlier in the thread. Count me amongst those who are lazy or need basic training!

Bluntness100 · 12/12/2019 20:44

As is advanced search and there is a big button on the top right hand side,

madcatladyforever · 12/12/2019 20:46

I cannot abide a liar, my 2nd husband told continual lies for absolutely no reason other than he seemed to enjoy telling lies. Also a boyfriend before him who was constantly lying and it was always to either cover affairs or to con me in some way.
Your husband has totally broken your trust here and I would leave him if that was me.
Its a sign of massive immaturity. A mature man wold have no problem saying, well actually this is just for staff so yes we are having a xmas do but it's not open to partners (or whatever).
He has taken the easy way out by lying and taken you for a fool at the same time - thinks you are too stupid to find out.
I wouldn't stand for that.

Molly2016 · 12/12/2019 20:46

Have you met his son yet OP?

Loveislandaddict · 12/12/2019 21:02

I’ve never noticed the AS button before either.

Happinessinapeartree · 12/12/2019 21:15

Don't have kids with him.

Repeat that daily.

DON'T

AnyFucker · 12/12/2019 21:17

Op is probably pregnant already

readitandwept · 12/12/2019 21:26

You married this guy in the summer??? In February you hadn't even met his kid after 3 years! And you lived two hours from the guy. Who moved?!

Wow.