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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband lied about Christmas party

233 replies

Dominique82 · 12/12/2019 16:29

We were having dinner out on Tuesday night, and I just asked him out of curiosity when is his work Christmas party, as I had not heard anything about it, and wasn’t too bothered to ask earlier. He answered that it looks like they are not having a Christmas party this year as a lot of people are working away or not in town. I did thing that’s quite odd not to have an office Christmas party, but wasn’t really questioning it.
It’s a small/medium newish office, around 30 people, quite international and he is the boss.
It would all be forgotten, except this morning I found a receipt in his jacket from a restaurant from Monday (so a day BEFORE he told me there was no Christmas party this year) for 23covers ‘Christmas deluxe menu’, cost over 2,5k,but the cost is completely irrelevant as that is obviously an expense that he will claim. So there is absolutely no doubt there WAS a Christmas party, which he lied to my face about.
Not only that, but he sent me a message on Monday afternoon asking what time am I going to be home as he needs to work late to finish off a presentation. He got home around 11pm, never mentioned a word about a Christmas party.
I am thinking WTF is this about??? It’s not like he cheated on me, but he lied twice, and made up a story about some imaginary work presentation. Am I overreacting ? I feel actually rather distressed. Could there be a justification to this?

OP posts:
holte · 12/12/2019 17:16

Maybe he was working - i've had to do that in the past i.e. go somewhere with my card to pay for something even though I wasn't there or turned up half way through. I also missed our Xmas meal today as I was working - so there was an event but I didn't go.

Seems a really odd thing to lie about though but if he's got form maybe its automatic.

notacooldad · 12/12/2019 17:17

I wouldn't describe that meal as a party.
They may have had a drink and been there a long time but to me it isn't a party! I party would be in a venue some where with a disco, bar and dancing.
Maybe different interpretations of the word party?

You know your DH best though

plumbabe · 12/12/2019 17:17

He’s taking the absolute piss. I’d say you need to be having a very good rethink about this relationship. If he lies like he’s breathing air then your life is going to be wasted on this man. Do you really want this fake life? Because that’s what you’ve got. Nothing’s real. My uncle was like this. My aunt became a broken woman and after he died found more lies, including the other women and children he’d fathered. You’re going to spend your life (like my aunt) tying yourself up in knots, trying to work out what’s real, work out if you’re over reacting etc etc. He’s not being fair. He’s not in the right and most normal people would go WTF to a situation like this

cultmaskid · 12/12/2019 17:18

This is crap for you

Spacebowlisback · 12/12/2019 17:19

Was he worried that you’d want to go?

HowlsMovingBungalow · 12/12/2019 17:20

Shame you married him OP, he was a cocklodger in your previous post and now this.
Hmm.

TimeForNewStart · 12/12/2019 17:20

Of course you’re right to be angry!!!

LannieDuck · 12/12/2019 17:21

Odd because it's such a pointless lie. But I've read before that some pathological liars can't help themselves.

Riv12345 · 12/12/2019 17:21

I'm sure there's an explanation!? As you said he got home at 11pm wasn't as if he was out till 4am up to no good!
Let us know but I'm sure it isn't anything dodgy 👍

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 12/12/2019 17:21

Well, he's a liar. So it doesn't matter why he lied about the party, the fact remains that he is a lying liar who tells lies and you cannot trust him.

I wouldn't stay in a marriage with a man I couldn't trust for all the tea in China.

Riv12345 · 12/12/2019 17:22

But I would want to know why he lied, then you will have to see if it all add up.

Savingforarainyday · 12/12/2019 17:23

Are you quite controlling?

Oh dear god.
People lie because they want to lie. It's always because they don't want the consequences- on account of the low moral fibre thing.

NChangeForNoReason · 12/12/2019 17:23

Some people are just pathological liars :

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/women-who-stray/201701/6-reasons-people-lie-when-they-don-t-need

lioness88 · 12/12/2019 17:24

Are partners invited? Could it have been he didn't want you to go to the meal if so?

Gazelda · 12/12/2019 17:25

You can't trust him. He doesn't respect you. I'd honestly be considering ending the marriage due to this and previous behaviour.

IAmBeatrixKiddo · 12/12/2019 17:26

Something isn't right here.

PlatoAteMySnozcumber · 12/12/2019 17:27

Sounds like he was worried you might somehow want to go even though it would be completely out of character. I would wonder what he is getting up to with someone from work.

raisinseverywhere · 12/12/2019 17:29

If he’s anything like my DH, he probably lied because he’s so used to lying to you about about everything in his life, that a lie comes out of his mouth automatically and for no real reason at all. Maybe he just didn’t want you to know as he thought he’d prefer you to think he was working late?

HollowTalk · 12/12/2019 17:29

Is there any advantage to him in being married to you, in terms of financial security etc?

wowfudge · 12/12/2019 17:29

Unless he's a pedant and would have answered yes if you'd asked whether there was a Christmas meal then it's odd. Maybe refer to the meal in passing and see whether he tells you there wasn't one or says something different.

Applepieco · 12/12/2019 17:30

It does sound a bit odd. He would only lie if he was hiding something?!

user1471449295 · 12/12/2019 17:32

I remember your previous thread about him taking the piss OP.
He’s a piss taking odd-ball. Who knows why he lied about Monday. Time to stop letting him walk all over you though

Branster · 12/12/2019 17:34

Technically it wasn’t a party if all they did was have a meal.
Strange that he didn’t talk about it properly though.

LonginesPrime · 12/12/2019 17:35

Do you think maybe other people invited spouses but he didn't want to invite you?

Either he doesn't want you to meet his work people or doesn't want them to meet you.

NorthEndGal · 12/12/2019 17:38

What a shit