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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband lied about Christmas party

233 replies

Dominique82 · 12/12/2019 16:29

We were having dinner out on Tuesday night, and I just asked him out of curiosity when is his work Christmas party, as I had not heard anything about it, and wasn’t too bothered to ask earlier. He answered that it looks like they are not having a Christmas party this year as a lot of people are working away or not in town. I did thing that’s quite odd not to have an office Christmas party, but wasn’t really questioning it.
It’s a small/medium newish office, around 30 people, quite international and he is the boss.
It would all be forgotten, except this morning I found a receipt in his jacket from a restaurant from Monday (so a day BEFORE he told me there was no Christmas party this year) for 23covers ‘Christmas deluxe menu’, cost over 2,5k,but the cost is completely irrelevant as that is obviously an expense that he will claim. So there is absolutely no doubt there WAS a Christmas party, which he lied to my face about.
Not only that, but he sent me a message on Monday afternoon asking what time am I going to be home as he needs to work late to finish off a presentation. He got home around 11pm, never mentioned a word about a Christmas party.
I am thinking WTF is this about??? It’s not like he cheated on me, but he lied twice, and made up a story about some imaginary work presentation. Am I overreacting ? I feel actually rather distressed. Could there be a justification to this?

OP posts:
pallisers · 12/12/2019 16:57

He is a liar. Some people prefer to lie - even without a reason. As my mother used to say, you can hide your money from a thief but you can't hide from a liar. I also remember your last thread and can't believe you married him.

DBML · 12/12/2019 16:59

Op,

He lies with you as to not upset you. Which translates to, he lies because something he’s done/is doing will upset you.

So he lied about the Christmas party for one of two reasons:

  1. You have form for not liking him going out and get jealous of him going to work parties. Perhaps you question him too much or just make it all too much fuss - so he chose not to tell you.
  1. Those business meetings / trips and now the party, include someone he doesn’t want you to know about.

Sorry OP. I’d have to delve a little deeper to see what reason he has for lying. 💐

LidlDonkey · 12/12/2019 16:59

It sounds really strange OP. I suspect it may be because he's away a lot and didn't want to admit to another jolly so pretended he was working for that reason.

It doesn't sound like he was sneaking around with another woman or anything. But the fact that he lied so convincingly is worrying.

CottonSock · 12/12/2019 16:59

Could he have maybe paid upfront for a meal (Not party) that's not happened yet?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 12/12/2019 17:00

Does sound like he just lies when he speaks!

I too have a vague recollection of your previous posts... I am biting my tongue from saying that many pp here spent a lot of time trying to help ou and may want to shout "Told you so!" at their screens.

I hope you can find a way to work through all of this, before he really hurts you!

PrettyPurse · 12/12/2019 17:01

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3497269-I-feel-like-I-am-being-massively-taken-advantage-of-financially

OP - is this thread about the same man? If so, what changed for you to get back together?

Original poster
Dominique82 · 12/12/2019 17:01

Yes, I married him, I am starting to have such bad regrets now

OP posts:
Equanimitas · 12/12/2019 17:01

Clutching at straws, but might he claim this wasn't a party, just a dinner?

TheQueef · 12/12/2019 17:02

He lies to you all the time really doesn't he?

FruitcakeOfHate · 12/12/2019 17:02

Well, you know he has form for lying but went ahead and married a known liar. What did you think he'd do, stop lying?

damnthatanxiety · 12/12/2019 17:02

He seems like a pathological liar. I would have to talk with him about this. Were his previous lies (honeymoon etc) discussed? Does he have an explanation for why he lies? You found the receipt innocently so you have no reason not to ask him about it

Original poster
Dominique82 · 12/12/2019 17:03

It was all a whirlwind summer, I feel like I had wool pulled over my eyes when he proposed and quickie wedding, was on cloud nine. Literally everything has been perfect until I could he has been lying again

OP posts:
BlaueLagune · 12/12/2019 17:04

Ask him when he needs to do the presentation he stayed so late to finish and whether he wants to practice with you - and see how he reacts. I assume there's no presentation.

Could you get access to any of his work emails eg on a phone? Clearly under GDPR and rules on confidentiality you shouldn't. But you could take a peek if it's possible.

Michellelovesizzy · 12/12/2019 17:05

Ask him?

Original poster
Dominique82 · 12/12/2019 17:05

The main thing is thank you for reassurance that I am ok to feel angry about this lie.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dominique82 · 12/12/2019 17:06

Oh yes, another lie I think- he massaged me on Tuesday saying that the PRESENTATION went well, I just remembered.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/12/2019 17:07

He's a pathological liar and that will never change. How can you, or anyone, be happily married to a person like that? You can't be. You can't trust a word that comes out of his mouth.

OneKeyAtATime · 12/12/2019 17:08

Ask him and watch his reaction. Before reading your updates I was thinking it was nothing to worry about but looking at other things you said about him I would find it worrying.

FruitcakeOfHate · 12/12/2019 17:10

Literally everything has been perfect until I could he has been lying again

No, it wasn't. It never was. He is a pisstaking liar that you took back and then married.

He won't change. But it appears it's what you want in life, sadly.

ConstanceL · 12/12/2019 17:11

This is a really bizarre situation! Were partners invited but for some reason he didn't want you to be there?

WellErrr · 12/12/2019 17:11

That’s a bizarre thing to lie about! What will you say?

ScreamingLadySutch · 12/12/2019 17:11

Hope you moved into his huge house and let out your flat, OP.

Start squirrelling

Original poster
Dominique82 · 12/12/2019 17:13

I am actually texting him right now, I can’t wait till he gets home

OP posts:
Earlgreybee · 12/12/2019 17:14

What would happen if it was reversed? Like if you were all, ‘yep, definitely not having a Xmas meet up with the girls, totally notttttt going for lunch with them just a nice long shop on my own, ya know’... and then left the receipt for a nice boozy lunch with some mates lying on the kitchen counter. What I mean is, would he think you lying like that would be acceptable? Or deceptive and frankly weird as fuck?

I have had an ex who while charming did lie a lot, he was nice but dysfunctional and while I liked him luckily I wasn’t in love with him (fwb). I have gone on to see how he’s had at least two toxic relationships involving deceit and possibly now a third and I feel soooo sorry for those women because I’ve seen them desperately trying to invest their time and emotional energy into a man who just doesn’t seem capable of having the intimacy that trustworthiness and honesty creates. They are/were quite reasonably trying to have a normal partnership but in the end, if it’s built on shifting sands like this, how can it work and not be so stressful and sabotaging of your self esteem?

How long have you been married for?

Daffodil55 · 12/12/2019 17:14

Surely with around 30 people attending this soiree there would be at least one who could let the cat out of the bag to the OP that this event took place? If he is the boss man then I would imagine there is the occasional social event the OP and her husband attend with some of his work colleagues. Maybe not but I was just thinking of any angle to this.

If he is such a good and practiced liar and this was indeed a lie on his part then why was he so lax in leaving the restaurant receipt in his pocket?

Whatever is the truth here he does indeed sound very much like someone who can and does lie easily and often. I hope the OP confronts or even just asks casually what that receipt is all about. I can not think of a single plausable explanation just now which would make him innocent of all accusations.

If only every home had a lie detector machine.