Do men prefer submissive and obedient women?

[Swlondon123]

My current boyfriend's longest relationship was 6 years with a woman who worshipped the ground he walked on. I am more assertive and argumentative and I think it's more difficult for me to sustain a realtionship than other women.

I wish I was more obedient as although feminism and equality have become the norm nature is still sexist and men prefer to have a leading role in a relationship. Do you agree with this?

I wish I could bite my tongue, but I am too damn opinionated for my own good which I think is causing realtionship failures on my part.

Is the best way to sustain a realtionship through submissiveness and obedience? Can I please have some thoughts on this matter?

You're picking the wrong men.

Agree with @turkeyontheplate.
My husband is definitely not like this, his brothers however have wives who like something from the 1950s...

nature is still sexist and men prefer to have a leading role in a relationship. Do you agree with this?

Mine would hate me to be submissive and obedient (bedroom is an exception 😁). He likes that I challenge him and won't take crap, not that he gives it mind. He said before he would be bored to tears with a quite little obedient woman. He likes that I'm a bit feisty and it keeps him on his toes. I'm the same back. My ex was happy to let me take the lead in everythingand it just got exhausting and boring. DP challenges me too which I need.

I suspect you need a man similar to yourself. It makes you think more and compromise, otherwise I would walk all over him and thankfully he doesn't let me.

I have no doubt there are men who want the good little wifey at home, ready to welcome her husband after a hard days work with dinner on the table and sex on tap while he does whatever he wants. But they don't all want this.

Hell no.

I agree with pp and you are picking the wrong men if you think you should be subservient in a relationship.

My marriage is a partnership. We look after each other because we see each other as equals. If DH thought I needed to be the little woman and obey him he would not be my DH.

My partner knows I am the boss. He likes to try and wind me up, saying he is the boss, but we all know who is the true boss.

If your partner doesn't like that you have opinions and won't always agree with him, he's the wrong guy for you.

Nah, only controlling misogynists want that. Try dating non-abusive men. Problem solved.

I agree with Turkey. You shouldn’t have to compromise your view or opinions just to satisfy a man.

As for actively being more submissive and obedient for anyone - fuck that for a laugh. I married my husband because I could be myself, opinionated and all. Having said that I do see many of my friends in a more submissive position, especially with the children side of things. So it is definitely still a problem. The only way to change that though is to not accept it, and teach our children that it’s not acceptable.

My longest relationship was 6.5 years with a very obedient man, and I will never forget this wonderful man who let me be the decision maker.

In my current relationship we are both feisty and opinionated and I feel that someone needs to back down and that person will probably have to be me as I earn less and I am younger than him.

I think men have just become tolerant of feisty and opinionated women as they have realised it's impossible to survive on a single wage and for the man to be the main bread winner, but deep down I think they all want a little woman at home who gives them sex on tap and cooks them dinners.

Nope - my brothers, who are married, are married to women who out earn them and tell them what's what on certain things mainly related to their emotional and mental health. My brothers deal with the practical things and both parties deal with finances. They have been married for over 20 years. (My younger brothers aren't yet married.)

There is some compromise otherwise their relationships wouldn't work.

I also work with men who are in similar long term relationships.

Controlling and abusive men want that. Since I assume you wouldn't want that kind of relationship, be yourself as that will weed them out.

We are equal in our relationship and like to live in the 1950's.
Sometimes I'm the dominant one sometimes he is.
Our life together is one big role play though, not just the bedroom.
His teas usually on the table and he usually does all the very dirty jobs that no woman would want to do.
Strange that even though we are equal now, some men still have to do the dirty jobs, the bits equality didn't just reach

I have just sent mine shopping, I prepared the lunch, but he brought me breakfast in bed this morning.

You shouldn’t have to compromise your view or opinions just to satisfy a man.

Well sometimes you will unless your partner simply goes along with everything you say. Its give and take. Sometimes you compromise, sometimes he does, sometimes both. Its being a partnership, you don't tell him, he doesn't tell you, you agree together.

I feel that someone needs to back down and that person will probably have to be me as I earn less and I am younger than him.

What the fuck are you on about?

My in-laws would love me to be obedient and submissive. I'm a naturally polite, calm, introvert, so I think the reason they were delighted when I married their son is because they thought I would just roll over (so to speak!) and do whatever I was told.

My husband is from a culture where submissive wives are still a very real thing.

Thankfully he was very teachable

He's actually not too bad for someone who grew up surrounded by misogyny, but if any "I'm the man" habits start surfacing, I'm quick to shut them down, and he seems to willingly accept there are aspects of his attitude that arise from his upbringing and he's always ready to admit he can and has made incorrect assumptions before.

I honestly think he's happier now, having seen an equal partnership, than he would have been if he'd had a culturally traditional "submissive" marriage.

So no, I don't think men do prefer it. (Unless they're the wrong kind of man)

The men I encounter all seem to prefer dominant, powerful, capable women.

You can't group all men together or all women. It's personal choice.

PlasticPatty- they prefer dominant, powerful and capable women as a single wage isn't enough to sustain a family. I think it all boils down to finances.

Yesterday 23:24 Swlondon123

Most men are arseholes. I'm currently pregnant and considering having abortion as my boyfriend is not being very nice to me. Pregnancy and relationships are not be all and end all. Most people in relationships hate their partners.

You seem to think that someone in the relationship needs to make all the decisions, and someone needs to be "obedient". That doesn't sound healthy at all.

I think it all boils down to finances.

What?

ohwheiknow- Thanks for this and I stand by the comment which I posted last night. I am currently dating a man-child who likes to be the dominant decision maker in a relationship. How screwed up is that?

The wrong type of man does.

If you read Ross Rosenberg's The Human Magnet Syndrome you'll get a really good explanation of how people-pleasing givers are like katnip to selfish narcissist.

I did a lot of work on myself and was turned off this type. But the right type was still turned off by my obliging accommodating people-pleasing side. So, I had to do more work on myself!

So what do you want from us? Everyone to tell you being controlled and abused is normal and to carry on? Or genuine help and support?

Because what you're describing is utterly fucked up and abnormal.