Do men prefer submissive and obedient women?

[Swlondon123]

My current boyfriend's longest relationship was 6 years with a woman who worshipped the ground he walked on. I am more assertive and argumentative and I think it's more difficult for me to sustain a realtionship than other women.

I wish I was more obedient as although feminism and equality have become the norm nature is still sexist and men prefer to have a leading role in a relationship. Do you agree with this?

I wish I could bite my tongue, but I am too damn opinionated for my own good which I think is causing realtionship failures on my part.

Is the best way to sustain a realtionship through submissiveness and obedience? Can I please have some thoughts on this matter?

All men do not prefer the same type of woman. All women do not prefer the same type of man. Such a generalisation. You find the partners that match you.

Abusive nasty men do - read Lundy Bancroft if you want clarity on this.

A relationship is based on being equals - an imbalance of power, or decision making, or a requirement to be submissive, is usually abusive.

That's not to say there aren't power struggles! But I think it's about working out with your partner how to communicate and agree things.

No way i could date someone quiet and submissive - biggest turn off for me

Equally I wouldn’t want to date someone who has to argue for the sake of it and has to have the last word - there is a balance between someone who knows their own mind and someone who wants to own yours as well!

My wife was a sahm for 8 years so i’m not forced to stick with her because i need her salary!

I think that I would like a submissive and obedient husband sometimes!

My husband asks my opinion about everything and always values what I have to say. If he acts like a twat, I tell him. If I act like a twat, he tells me. We are equals. And equally matched too.

My side of the family has always been rather matriarchal. Or what people have described as matriarchal, I mostly just saw it as having a say. I could never put up with someone who wanted me to worship him or anything like that.
It all depends on the man you're with. And what you put up with. I know some people who say they wont allow themselves to be treated badly but then they make excuses for their bloke when it happens.

Men are a group of 3.5 billion individuals, they dont all think the same, or like the same things, or want the same things.

Like women, they are not all the same.

Often times descriptors such as Opinionated, Independent, Strong are just feel good euphemisms for being a complete argumentative, loud, obnoxious twat. I tend to see that people who insist on proving just how Opinionated, Independent, Strong they are are just seeking external validation to counter some internal insecurity. Creating conflict for the sake of conflict, being contrary for the sake of being contrary under some notion that that proves they are confident, independent and strong.

My wife is a very opinionated woman with strong personal convictions and beliefs. Our relationship dynamic is one where she doesn't feel the need to PROVE anything. She's doesn't need to exert her strength because it is ever present, and nothing in our dynamic minimizes or compromises it.

From the outside, I suspect most would look at our relationship and see me as the whipped, submissive husband, and would likewise see her at the exact same time as the good little submissive wifey. Neither of us are anything of the sort. We are just that good of a match, and that in tune with each other. We don't feel a compulsion to prove anything to each other, or anyone else for that matter. Obviously there are times where we have differences of opinion, but I would never characterize either one of us as "backing down"

There is nothing wrong with, or weak about being agreeable when being agreeable is the right thing.

Maybe you are worrying about ending this shit relationship because you think all relationships are like this, all men are like this.

No. They are not. Most relationships, most men and women, like healthy give and take in a relationship, where words like obedience and feisty are alien and submissiveness is a bedroom behaviour not a daily life behaviour.

You have a bad relationship. It is abnormal.

Hunter gatherer societies are actually more likely to have basic equity and sometimes are matriarchal. It's fixed agriculture, not 'nature' that favours physical strength.

My DH had a bolshy Mum, a Bolshevik gran, a bolshy sister and is fairly bolshy himself. He rub along excellently with no one being 100% in charge. He's happier then his friends with subservient wives.

I think it really isn't about gender but personal choice.
Its not the wrong type of man.
Some men prefer women who are submissive
Some men prefer women who are dominant
Some men prefer a partnership of equals.
and in the same way
Some women prefer men who are submissive
Some women prefer men who are dominant
Some women prefer a partnership of equals.
And the above will be true of Men and men or women and women.
If you are clashing over this doesn't mean neither of you is wrong or right but rather you are not suited.

I mean I've been with DP for 6 years and I'm a loud, assertive, ambitious cow. He adores me. While I'm sure he wishes I'd sometimes shut up a bit hed be bored shitless with someone quiet and obedient. That said, it is possible for neither person to be 'in charge' you know.... people often say I wear the trousers but it's totally not true, we share who leads on what as per our strengths and preferences. Mostly we have a lot of conversations and come to a mutually beneficial decision. He lets me speak and I let him. With respect and consideration.

It's not about being submissive or obedient, it's about finding someone who thinks your personality is the best kind to have. Whether that's quiet and passive (also fine) or not.

Also DP could afford to keep me at home... he doesn't want to, he knows I'm capable and ambitious enough to have my own career... he doesn't want a trapped little bird.

Your boyfriend sounds like a loser.

@Drabarni no ones making them do the dirty jobs... they're more likely to be hired for them by other men but they chose that career. Do you consider care work or nursing ('female jobs') to be all clean and tidy?

There's a very happy medium between submissive and argumentative. I wouldn;t want a submissive man. But nor would I want soemone who picks a fight all the time. What's wrong with mutual calm and respect?

Yes I do think many men like to feel that they are dominant / needed. It’s tough as I have lovely brothers, who are not horrible in any way and really respect their wives. However I do think they love being needed in their marriages. They are the main earners, and providers, and they are happiest when they feel that they are able to be so needed by their wives and kids.

One of my brothers has a really difficult grumpy wife, but she does make him also feel totally needed, so I think he has great pride in being the nice stable one who sorts everyone out as if she’s a child. She does behave like a child. But it’s weird to see how much he kind of naturally slots into the fatherly role even for his wife.

And me on the other hand, rarely make my men feel needed! And it’s caused me loads of problems. I just don’t do the girly child thing, I’m a grown woman and know my way around accounts and work and even have opinions! I’ve had relationships with lovely men but I have to admit most men seem intimidated if I know more than them. It’s disappointing

@Warmfirechocolate feeling needed is different to wanting obedience though.

Don't we all want to feel needed? It's definitely true that DP likes to feel like he does things for me, equally I like doing things for him which make me feel appreciated. That's human nature, not Male nature.

No I don't agree. My partner hates if he knows I'm not expressing how I feel. He wants me to be assertive. He would hate if I were submissive.

I wish I was more obedient

Do you really? You're not a dog. Personally I'd rather be single forever than have a "master" lol Luckily "namalt" :p been with my husband almost 20 years and I have alot of opinions

DH doesn't expect me to be an obedient wife. I was brought up by a Mum who liked to be the rebel and liked to challenge gender roles in the home, so there wasn't much chance of me being obedient. I think it depends on the man. I am the bread winner and the planner. DH prefers it that way.

I feel that someone needs to back down and that person will probably have to be me as I earn less and I am younger than him.

Is this real?

I like a competent man - one who can choose and book a restaurant, order from the wine list, remember a birthday, put up a shelf, do the weekly shop, budget and so on. I like that because I'm a competent woman who can do those things; and it's bloody nice not to have to for two people all the time. That's definitely not the same as being dominant/submissive.

Oh god no. DH was brought up with a breadwinning mum and step mum. His dad worked but his step dad was a stay at home dad then worked pt.

When we were younger and I was figuring things out I gave in on some issues I wish I hadn't. DH didn't like it and was quick to point out that no one is going to put my point across for me and he isn't psychic.

Some men like to be dominant, some women do. Same for people who want to be submissive.

I truly believe that you can't change though - if you're naturally opinionated and 'fiesty,' a man who wants someone submissive just isn't the one for you. If you try and keep yourself quiet you'll burst or make yourself unhappy.

My current boyfriend's longest relationship was 6 years with a woman who worshipped the ground he walked on

How do you know this? Did he tell you? He may not be the most reliable witness.

I think it depends on the individual. Some people like a dominant partner. Some people like a submissive partner. Some people don't go in for anything like that.

It's not that anyone is wrong. More that some people are not well suited.

The arseholes do.