Do men prefer submissive and obedient women?

[Swlondon123]

My current boyfriend's longest relationship was 6 years with a woman who worshipped the ground he walked on. I am more assertive and argumentative and I think it's more difficult for me to sustain a realtionship than other women.

I wish I was more obedient as although feminism and equality have become the norm nature is still sexist and men prefer to have a leading role in a relationship. Do you agree with this?

I wish I could bite my tongue, but I am too damn opinionated for my own good which I think is causing realtionship failures on my part.

Is the best way to sustain a realtionship through submissiveness and obedience? Can I please have some thoughts on this matter?

please have a look at this OP

Some men prefer submissive and obedient women. Conversely, some women prefer submissive and obedient men.

Are you really ''feisty and opinionated'' or do you just want to be allowed to keep your job?

It depends on the man, really.

DH highly respects me and my opinions even though in his culture women are taught be obedient, quiet, to be seen but not be heard so to speak. I couldn’t have married him if that was his view on women.

MIL is also a foreigner who came to this country and was expected to walk behind FIL in the street and not speak her native language with her children because FIL couldnt understand it.

I appreciate she’s from a different culture and those were different times but I felt disgust and disbelief when I heard about this.

In my current relationship we are both feisty and opinionated and I feel that someone needs to back down and that person will probably have to be me as I earn less and I am younger than him

I earn less and i'm younger than my DH. This doesn't stop us being equals in our relationship.

Dump.

Are you pregnant?
Is he trying to get his way by shouting at you?

I think men have just become tolerant of feisty and opinionated women as they have realised it's impossible to survive on a single wage and for the man to be the main bread winner, but deep down I think they all want a little woman at home who gives them sex on tap and cooks them dinners.

I remember a male friend of mine saying to me that what everyone (men and women) want is some one who will put up a bit of resistance enough to not be a doormat and so you feel like you are equal but will ultimately let you have your own way in the end. There is probably some truth in this.

People are selfish at core - it's an essential survival mechanism. It's nice to always get your own way but if its too easy, you won't respect someone.

We had a bit of a laugh about it at the time because obviously you can't live like this and he was being tongue in cheek! It's probably got a healthy element of truth in it.

I earnt less than my x and he made me give up my job and stay at home to look after DC. Then I became financially dependent on him and because he was a domineering type, he believed he could make all the decisions because he earned all the money! That was a terrible situation. Over a decade ago now, and I l left obviously, but you would be better off leaving immediately. If he is going to force you (through bullying) to give up your job on the grounds that you earn less, then the sooner you leave the better.

I'd like sex on tap and my dinner cooked every night...does that make me a man?

They probably do, but who cares?

Not at all. I think men are more likely on average to hold some more sexist views than women because they live with male privilege but that if they aren’t misogynists they will be open to having those views challenged. There are also many men and women who are sexists and who are feminists.

My dad holds some sexist views but will always discuss my views with me and often changes his mind based on things I tell him. He likes that I am a feminist as he feels I am more thoughtful, determined and driven than if I held more traditional ie sexist views

My dp is a high earner and could easily date someone who just does what he wants and never challenges him. On one of our first dates he made a comment that I thought was a bit sexist, I told him so and why. He looked a bit taken aback, thought about it and agreed that I had a point. He likes that I have opinions and goals and we work together to achieve them. We don’t try to dominate each other but we are a partnership. We both prefer it that way. He earns more than me but if he lost his job I could still support us both and that’s important to me. It is most definitely not the most attractive thing about me to him though

I dated a guy like this when I was younger and I started to do things to avoid arguments or judgements from him. I realised when I left how much I had strayed from who I was, in order to become who he wanted me to be. I'm now very happily married and there is no control from either side, we make decisions mutually and very rarely argue about anything. I think that's how it should be. He's not your boss he's your partner.

Fucking hell, it makes me despair.
some men may prefer to take the lead in a relationship, so what? Doesn’t mean a woman doesn’t get a preference or has to go along with it.

You’re on a wind up though aren’t you? Obedience is for dogs not grown women.

Nope op.
I'm a second wife. Very opinionated and not at all submissive.

Previous wife was a lovely little housewife who by all accounts just looked to DH to manage every aspect of their life. He obviously didn't like it as they got divorced. (She's a lovely woman- they're still friends!)

@Staysexyanddontgetmurdered
If that makes you a man, I'm a man, too.
@Swlondon123
I deliberately left out 'with earning power' because I thought people would think me too cynical.

What's the view like from under your bridge OP?

You have a bizarre view OP.

You seem to have a model of relationships where one person makes the decisions and the other submits. Or where being feisty means not compromising etc.

Relationships need to be based on two people being compatible. If you want a relationship of equals then you need to find a man who wants that and crucially in a relationship of equals there will be compromise on both sides.

I'm a woman and my husband cooks all my meals 🤷🏻‍♀️

He'd have a nervous breakdown if I became submissive and dependant on him.

I think approaching relationships or describing past relationships using the word "obedient" to describe either person's characters is all kinds of bizarre.

Adults compromise. That means they discuss and then ideally find a mutually happy outcome. If they can't find that then it's up to them both to either go ahead with one person's choice knowing the other one isn't happy about it, or if it's a deal breaker and there's no compromise then they are incompatible and not right for each other.

Some men like submissive women. Some women like submissive men (you yourself described your ex as "obedient" which doesn't sound nice at all)
Some men don't, some women don't.

I think instead of splitting people into cold, hard categories of submissive versus dominant, you could approach it as easy going and go with the flow versus confident and even stubborn.

People all exist on a spectrum of every element of their personalities. Nobody is purely one thing. You don't have to have a defined solitary role in a relationship, you should be a team!

YABU to start a thread 'do men prefer...' about anything. Obviously different men prefer different things.

I think both you and your current partner have the wrong attitude though - in my opinion, it shouldn't be about who is dominant, who makes the decisions and who has to 'back down'. In my mind, in a healthy relationships you both have opinions and you talk it through and compromise if necessary. If you think of arguments about 'winning and losing' rather than 'resolving differences', one of you is always going to be miserable.

Me and my husband are both opinionated. We have some pretty strong discussions. But both of us listen to the other and respect their opinion and we do compromise. For example we live in the town I wanted to live in, but the house he wanted more than me. Its decorated in a style that is neither of our favourite but that we both like. I wouldn't want to be with someone that had to be right all the time, and I did have a relationship where he worshipped the ground i walked on and would have done anything for me and I didnt like it - to be honest if I'd stayed in that relationship I think I'd have taken advantage of him and become selfish since I'd be so used to getting my way over everything. It's not healthy in my opinion.

I think my ex, after he divorced his wife, went for a particular cultural background where women are deemed more submissive. All his gfs since were this culture but all ended badly because of his abusive nature. From my social circle, all the women have met partners where the women are more successful and do much more generally. You'd probably say the men are submissive. But despite some resentment at times, the relationships generally seem to work.

I couldn't disagree more. I'm a bit of an alpha and a gobshite and, bar one, all the boyfriends I've had have said that this is what they liked about me (they were no doormats either).

My DP's ex moulded herself to what she thought was his ideal woman, put him up on a pedestal, and he hated it. He likes that I have fire and my own way of doing things.

@Swlondon123 I think it genuinely depends on how his mother or sisters are. I am incredibly feisty and it amuses my partner and keeps him on his toes! But he prefers this because his mum and 2 sisters are also very feisty. It’s what he is used to and it doesn’t bother him.