Dating thread 176 - where we get through Christmas with team carpark updates

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Yeah I was thinking about this since I posted. I was relieved when mine finally moved out. We were never a team. Was it @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking who said it was weird coparenting but not being a team anymore? I never had that. Our marriage was pretty bad very early on. So I'm in a totally different position to those of you who did have happy marriages. Our wedding anniversaries weren't celebrated or even remembered when we were together. I think it's much much harder for you guys. I never even cried let alone was prostrate with grief in the kitchen floor. That level of betrayal must be excruciating. You're right to grieve something that was good. And be sad.

Well I’ve had a fun morning. I’ve been to the sexual health clinic. I’ve been a bit itchy down below but I wasn’t sure what it was as I used condoms and before that no sex for few years. But I was a bit concerned so took myself off. Lots of questions which was fun 😂. Felt like a teenager. Anyway turns out I have good old thrush and not some stealth STI. Then on the way out I see a good friend of mine 😂 she’s there for the coil so I said me too and ran 🤦‍♀️.

Hilarious Jane, she probably had an STI too!!!

She’s not long since had a baby so I don’t think so but it was hilarious. And I don’t have an STI just thrush thank god. Funny old place the sex clinic all the other People there were men in their 50s

@tigerdater that's so tricky, I assumed maybe he didn't want a divorce for religious or weird ethical reasons. I would see how things go and see if you can't change your mind about this, there are so few nice men out there as this thread illustrates it would be a shame to get rid of one who meets all the other criteria of what you want. In terms of feelings for his ex I think Mr R was concerned I might go back to my ex and I think I've reassured him that that is never going to happen.

@unambiguousbeard I am glad to see a positive update. It's good that Mr U has finally revealed himself to be a misogynistic twat, it's given you complete closure.

Hah @StealthNinjaMum Mr U always was a misogynistic twat but I chose to ignore that.

@Jane1978xx maybe I should go and hang out at the STI clinic for a 50 year old man...

Yeah. 🤢

@unambiguousbeard I'm also glad you have got MrU out of your system - what a wanker he is too!

A friend of mine, who was always 'the single one', did a lot of OLD a few years ago while the rest of us were all married/having kids and she also had a lot of sex. She got to a point where she told herself the next person she was going to have sex with was going to be someone she loved (or had potential to love) and then she met someone at a training course who she is now living with (and his 2 kids) so it worked for her!

OMG all those over 50s men at the STI clinic 🤮. It’s definitely a thing that men of my generation don’t think they need to use condoms if they’ve had the snip. Basically they see them only as pregnancy prevention

Mr SAS is very nearly 50 and seems to have regular STI checks rather than use condoms. Horse and bolted springs to mind.

There was one guy must have Been pushing 70 🤷🏼‍♀️. It was a sex clinic generally so a lot of women go for contraception but for men it would only be tests

Jane - stockings and no knickers. Just sayin.

And for whoever asked the death blow was just over 3 months ago. Before that it was up in the air for a couple more. And years of his MH withdrawal and rejection previously.

Hey gang, sorry so many of you are feeling blue

unambiguous go you. Great plan. Boundaries! I think I’m gonna do the same. Had a great night with Mr Big but tbh the sex without a relationship is starting to feel a bit cold. I wonder if we could be friends without benefits. I like him as a person as would miss him if I blocked but I really think I’m ready to meet someone and have a relationship and whilst I have sex on tap I know I’m not looking properly

@Marlboroandmalbec34 from personal experience it's very hard to stay just friends with someone you have had feelings for and been intimate with without one or both of you wanting more.

I had to get rid of MrSAS completely to move on, even though he wanted to stay friends.

Glad MrU has shown his true colours unambiguous so you can move on.

I think even if you use condoms in a relationship it's recommended that you are checked regularly. So there should probably have been a lot more women at the sexual health clinic ...

The men may have been getting prostate exams?

I’ve said before nomore it does seem very early doors for you to be out there on OLD, you sound hurt and so vulnerable and it is brutal out there. I know you miss sex and being held, but maybe just take it a bit slower and let yourself heal? 💐

Hi everyone,

Lots of name changes since I was last here! I have NC myself but will be clear who I am to those that knew me before!

I needed a break from OLD after a few not so great experiences and complications in life.
I've been enjoying myself with a FWB for the last 6 months but I have had to end it... to say I've developed the feels would be the understatement of the century!

So here I am. I've licked my wounds and given myself a talking to and OLD is calling again.

Would I know you @midthirtiesandsingle?

One thing that seems to be fairly obvious on here is that it's pretty impossible to have a FWB without developing deeper feelings!

@Sunshineandflipflops yes... I remember you!
I was previously 30something....just can't remember my log in

Hi midthirties nice to see you 👋

Yeah I think the FWB thing is a bit crap. Good intentions and all that but really complicated.

I fear you’re right sunshine I don’t feel ready to cut him off yet so will see how next few weeks go!

I’m having problems posting on here today!

Prostate is the realm of the urologist @TigerDater (he says, wincingly) but the over 50s could be over represented in clinics for reasons of impotence/ED ? Despite reading many of your stories on here and hearing many tales on dates, I feel sorry for those guys sat in the clinic having aspersions cast on them.

Well done @EchoElephant for just asking him straight out. Glad the answer, and evidence, was good.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking 3 months is very early I think. I'd give men a wide berth for now.

Hi all

I’m just going to leave this ever so gently here
www.metro.news/older-women-with-hiv-up-five-fold-in-ten-years/1792798/

Just to say the main reason for the increase is that people generally are getting older with HIV, but you get the drift of the article.

As said, there are many reasons for both sexes to go to a GUM clinic. I see very few of either sex my age there tbh (over 50) they’re mostly much younger.

The important thing to note is that anyone getting STI testing is doing the responsible thing and shouldn’t be shamed for doing so or assumptions made. If I saw a lot of over 50 men there I’d be thinking good for them and wondering where all the women are they’ve had sex with (unless perhaps they’re all gay).

Oh yes forgot to say @unambiguousbeard what a truly repugnant thing of Mr U to say. Isn't it funny how the scales can just fall from your eyes? I feel that way after Mr S. it was a year today we had our first date. I'm just sad I wasted so much of my time on him.