Dating thread 176 - where we get through Christmas with team carpark updates

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

**

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Can I just reassure you that it does get easier. Mine are teenagers now and it’s nowhere near as hard as when they were little. You all need to take care of yourselves as well as the DC!

I have huge intra muscular fibroids. I’ve already had the uterine ones removed. I’ve struggled for years with these and they have offered to put me into a false menopause but you can only do it for 1 year so no point! It had really put me off having sex to be honest
I’m half excited half dreading menopause!

Mr Moving and I spent a nice in on the sofa then some nice sex and cuddles. He’s way more into me than I am into him and he is quite anxious about it, without being a knob or anything. I just need a lot more time than he does to get used to someone. So far he is a lovely lovely person and his personality is very attractive to me, physically I wish he was more my type although sex is good and fun, he also makes me feel nice about myself. Something feels missing, or just not in place. I don’t know what it is

Sunshine 💐 to you today.

I read an article about menopause which said that there wasn't a link between the age periods started and the age of menopause (definition is a year without periods).

My goodness it’s a tough time of year, hugs and stollen to all who are struggling 💝

I’ve been struggling after losing my dog, sounds silly but she was my rock for nearly 16 years. So I ran off to Mr Greedy last night, who presented me with a lovely piece of jewellery for Christmas. We had wonderful sex then I burst into tears 😳. Lots more sex and he held me tight all night long. So yeah, stupid me is getting the feels for my FWB 😞. Damn

But @TigerDater he has the feels for you too! So isn't that perfect?

I would call it scary rather than perfect! Also He’s separated, not divorced. It’s always been a big issue between us, he doesn’t want to divorce.

@menora I'm feeling the same as you. Something is missing, not sure what, and in the face of things everything is good. I wondered if it was just that in any new relationship the deep connection that grows over time isn't there, so of course it feels like something is missing.

@TigerDater I'm not divorced either. Been separated 2 years and will divorce at some point but I'm kind of leaving that to him to sort (and pay for). It's not that big a deal for me as I don't intend to marry again and I don't feel married to my ex any more.

Hugs to everyone who is feeling down. It's a tough time of year.

I thought I couldn't cope with anything after my divorce 5 years ago. But I've surprised myself with what I've managed to achieve. And my mum recently told me how proud she was of what I've done for myself and my daughter.

In other news, I say Mr FO last night and asked him if he had any profiles on the apps. He said he didn't and got out his phone to show me.
We looked on Tinder and his profile wasn't hidden! He swears he hid it weeks ago. He had no matches on there so it didn't look like he was chatting to anyone.
It's deleted now, so all is good.

echo that’s great! Sounds like there was just a mixup. I’m pretty sure I’ve either deleted or hidden my profiles but I couldn’t swear to it. No way I’m going back on to check though.

I think there are two sorts of marriage breakup - one where divorce happens quickly because it can and should (my situation) and another where separation-only suits for financial, practical or inertia reasons (Mr Greedy’s). Neither is right or wrong, but it’s difficult when the two meet. And anyway, fuck knows if this could be a LTR. It’s literally only since I lost my dog that it’s even crossed my mind. How weird is that?

Fucking Facebook memories.

@UncorrectedDoormat

I’m just putting it down to that to be honest, there is enough good there and I don’t have an ICK. I have one issue which is that I think some of family would judge him on face value. This doesn’t reflect well on them but from their side they seem to think I need to aim very high in looks/earning department as they think highly of me. Whereas I am happy with someone who just makes me happy. But in part they are correct I have made a lot of bad choices settling for men who aren’t really good enough for me on even a basic level. So I begin to doubt myself and think I am missing something

Good things that I like about him: he has very good family values (his bloody mum is living with him 🙈 and I’ve met her she’s nice) he has a lovely clean and tidy nice house (the clean house is important to me), he seems sensible with money, he talks about his DC very lovingly, he’s funny, he doesn’t seem to be a sulker, he’s affectionate, he’s kind, he says nice things to me, he asks me about myself, he doesn’t seem to play games and he’s open.

The only downside to him is that I feel like a weird different vibe when we are together fully dressed and upright vs when it’s really dark and intimate. I feel way more at ease and relaxed when we are lying under the duvet giggling vs eating a meal together 😂

Hugs to everyone feeling low.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I'm so sorry to hear you're so sad your breakup is still relatively recent and your first Christmas will be raw. This is my second Christmas alone and I can't describe how angry I felt that my so called best friend had buggered off and left me crying with the dc and all the work while he had his work parties and Christmas nights out. The selfish cunt then sat around the table on xmas day, took credit for the presents that he hadn't seen, and acted good daddy while I did the usual cooking and cleaning. It does feel unjust, well it is unjust, but a year later and I honestly have a better relationship with my dc than I did then. It is really hard to be a good parent but honestly I feel like the dick did me a favour and in the long run I will be much happier.

@Sunshineandflipflops that sounds tough. I hope this evening goes well. You're an amazing mother tolerating him for your children.

@tigerdater that sounds lovely. There's room for another buttock or pair of buttocks on the smitten bench if you fancy. Obviously it's your choice if you can't get past him not wanting to divorce, is there a reason for that? I'm not getting divorced yet as I know it'll mentally be very hard but I do want to at some point. I can't imagine not wanting to at all.

I can't remember who else is having a shit time but and hugs and .

stealth he and his wife get on ok as friends and they are coparenting teens. The sexual relationship has ended but the financial one is pretty complex and he would definitely come off badly in a divorce. And his job situation has been insecure up to very recently. So I understand his reticence. Until now my issue has been I’m essentially shagging a married man, an idea I’ve struggled to get along with even though they are separated. If it became a situation where I’m dragging a family into a divorce process that they wouldn’t otherwise go into, then it’s an even bigger issue.

Welcome, @littlebirdieblue. I read your thread, sorry for the outcome on that one. Onwards and upwards!

Thinking ahead to when visitation is settled for my dc, I actually can't imagine co-parenting with my ex. Either he will be the Disney dad or an extreme arse. I'm not sure which is likely!

Hey guys, bumped into this thread by accident! Been dating now for a few weeks, OLD is tough!!! 🙈
I've met this guy from hinge a few weeks ago, he's nice(too nice! I usually go for dickheads!), he's 32 but he's only been with one girl(as in slept with!) and he still lives with his parents! I'm 31 I've got 2 kids and I'm in the process of getting divorced, soooo big difference there! Anyway I decided to keep talking to him, he's really nice, however there was literally no spark when we met, partly because he is so shy! 🙈
Am I wrong in thinking that maybe if we keep talking and meeting again that spark can happen, or just move on?

@Phoebebuffay13

Hmm
No spark is hard. I really think in this case you will end up just making a nice friend. Don’t make more work for yourself with having to train him how to have sex, become his mum and take care of him trying to help him learn how to be a boyfriend! This is my main warning to you!

Yeah, I'd pass. Plenty of other blokes out there who have more life experiences.

Definitely not into teaching him anything! We do get along nicely as friends, so maybe I'll just stick to that!

I just feel like every other guy I meet is either a dickhead(just like my ex!) or just wants sex! 😫

But @Sunshineandflipflops you clearly still have feelings for your ex. That would be a problem for me rather than the divorced thing. Maybe Mr Greedy is similar

Hi everyone, and @Jane1978xx thanks for asking, I feel a bit better today x

So I've really finally fallen out with Mr Unsuitable (ex BF). I can't remember where I last was on the thread but he made the assumption that he could come round for a shag. It was the phrase" hurry up and find a time I need some relief" which did it for me. I was livid. Told him I'm not his whore. It's good because he's totally gone now, no lingering feelings. I'm also realising what a different new place I'm in since starting OLD. I no longer want casual sex. I've had lots of sex with lots of men since splitting with exH. The next sex I have will be with someone who is a potential relationship. I'll probably be eating my words and back tracking half way through January mind... an old FB has come back and I've turned him down too. I can get sex whenever I want but I'm choosing not to. That is a first for me as I've said yes to everyone who asked since I was a teenager. So here's to a celibate 2020!

OMG. Had a meeting at work today and ai am in lust. Totally fancied someone irl!

And we'll be working in the same office and i might need to consult on some projects for his team. Maybe something for the future when I'm in a better place.

Right. Actually going to rtft now

unsmbiguous that was a disgusting thing for Mr U to say. Bye bye to that loser! And it sounds like you have some excellent boundaries in place now.

I’m going to keep a close eye on what Mr Greedy actually feels about his ex. To be honest while we’ve just been lovers it’s kind of washed over me. I have my spidey senses on high alert!

@unambiguousbeard I don't have feelings in that I want to get back together with him but my separation was completely out of the blue in what was otherwise a happy marriage. I didn't have chance to process us separating until it happened and he wasn't abusive or unkind (apart from the affair, obviously as that was pretty shit) so I can't just hate him and as our kids are still fairly young and we share them 60/40, I see him a lot.

This doesn't mean I am not ready to be with anyone else, just that I am still processing my life going a different direction to how I thought it would be. I don't know if that will ever go away.

To be honest, I see/hear some people who hate their ex's so much that it takes far more brain power and consumes them far more than me and my situation with my ex. I am at peace that we are over, we will be divorced but we will always share our children so I'd rather remember the good times than the bad I guess. Today is our wedding anniversary so I'm allowing myself to feel.