Dating thread 176 - where we get through Christmas with team carpark updates

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking. Yes
I’ve got good friends near by and on the phone. Also my parents. My best friend wants to smash his face in 😬.

Glad you have support. Pm if you want to rant

Banghead - what's up?

Thank you. I don’t think he has a leg to stand on tbh

Yes @bangheadhere40 what happened

I don't know, just feel sad today and can't stop crying.

nomoreweeping if dating is affecting you so badly that you cant make a good Christmas for your kids and are lying crying thinking you're unloveable - I'd get out of the game and maybe see if you can see someone to talk to. It's supposed to be enjoyable or at least entertainingly insane. Yes we all have bad days but being unable to parent and function etc doesn't sound like a regular low to me

I agree with supercali , i tend to step away from the online dating this time of year because I don’t want it effecting Christmas, dating is often stressful and we don’t need extra stress this time of year. Dating is meant to be fun, if it stops being fun then it’s best to give it a break and work on your self worth.

@bangheadhere40 anyone you can talk to ? Are you getting out and about and eating and sleeping well etc.

I think I'm with you all, it's not fun at the moment, I'm utterly uninspired, worn out and frazzled from the lead up to Christmas, plus still a little sad about Mr E. Time for a dating break for me!

@bangheadhere40, @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I'm so sorry you're both feeling so low. I wish I could suggest something to help. Please, please take care of yourselves.

You are NOT unloveable. You just haven't found the right person yet. You ARE loved. And there will be someone to hold you.

Hang on in there, maybe this isn't the right time for the online dating rollercoaster but please, please feel proud of yourselves for everything you are doing for yourselves, your DC. Keep posting and get support from friends and family 💐

I have such mixed feelings after my date tonight. He was good looking, chatty, good fun. We had a laugh- I thought he seemed a little nervous but it didn't affect the conversation.

We snogged a couple of times and tbh it didn't set my world on fire. Too much shoving his tongue in my mouth and not using his lips. I think he was a bit intimidated by me.

Maybe the age thing showed tonight. He is the same age as FWB who was 22 but FWB had so much charisma, confidence in himself and his body, and frankly, so much skill. He wasn't intimidated by me in the slightest. Maybe him being 22 (I'm 31) didn't show because he carried himself like an older man. I literally felt on the same level and as complete equals with him.

I've felt like I've really been sensible in trying to get over him this past couple of weeks. I miss him but at the same time have got used to it now and feel ok. In some ways I've felt free, not having this constant bind there to someone who I wanted so much more from, and I was aching that I wasn't getting it.

But I really now am missing his confidence, his attitude, his aura. His friendship. His kisses which were heaven. Sex which was bliss. I just want to feel like that with someone. And in the taxi home I imagined texting him to tell him I missed him. Or tell him just how amazing I think he is.

I didn't do it. I'm not going to do it. But it's a little sting again tonight.

Hugs to all who are feeling low today/tonight. jane what an arse of an ex you're dealing with, sunshine hope you manage to enjoy the dc performance tomorrow although it will be probably be a little surreal knowing it is what would have been your 15 year anniversary. God when I got married many years ago it hadn't even crossed my mind that we'd ever have got divorced (I'm sure everyone says that!). devil sorry your are still pining for exfwb-really painful 😔 hope it passes for you soon.
nomore and bang hope you are ok and agree with others on finding some RL support.
This talk of being Peri-menopausal as early as 37 has got me a bit worried!I'm a couple of years off that but would like to have a baby with bf and not logistically in a position to do so right now.does anyone know can I just see the gp and ask for a fertility test to try and find out how much longer my biological clock might have?

@CocoKoko123 thankyou. It's a little sad as I'd shaken a lot of it away and was quite enthusiastically looking for someone else to keep me entertained 😂 tonight's date was a nice guy but I don't know... I wasn't even intending to compare. It's just it made me realise the things about FWB that I miss and that I want. And also what a rare individual he was!

Never mind, I'm feeling fine. Just a little bittersweet I guess.

@CocoKoko123 peri menopause you still ovulate and can get pregnant but it’s always worth checking on your reproductive health.

I'd already stepped away from dating. Last night's meltdown was caused by being massively overwhelmed and tired and having had to do a joint meeting with stbx at our DS's school. We were sat there coparenting but not a unit. It was surreal.

I just had this huge overwhelming feeling of 'how is this my life?' What was so intrinsically unloveable about me that the man I had centred my world around would tell me that he didn't love me and wasn't sure he ever had?

I reached out to a friend who does hypnotherapy and has helped me over the last few months and she managed to get me sorted with a visualisation.

All that crap? It's his shit. I can't let it poison me.

Then i got into bed with both children and the cat and slept for 9 hours.

Now i feel wrung out and sad but im not in agony. I just wish this bit was over already. I feel like there's no comfort or peace in my life right now. Just constant requirements for me to be strong

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking 💐 it really is his issues- not you. You are loveable and you will meet someone who will give you comfort and all of those things.

You're doing amazing, managing to do the joint parenting stuff with ex. How incredibly tough. Please be kind to yourself, you're doing a great job for your DC.

I get the last bit of what you said completely. No comfort, no peace, feeling lonely. And the constant battle every day to keep going and everything being a constant battle. I've felt lately like it's just been one thing going wrong after the other.

It's bloody Xmas too. So much 'joy' all around and it hurts a bit. I was really hoping this one would be better than last. I'm missing FWB but it's even worse that at this time of year no one seems to want to date either. Ugh.

Don't know what to say to help, just wanted to show some solidarity!

Happy 15 year wedding anniversary to me

@TheDevilsPedicure have you had a name change? I'm trying to place your backstory its familiar but I'm not sure! Is ex fwbs number in your phone? Have you kept chats? If so its a stinger but 100% helpful to remove it all. Secondly comparison on the first or first few dates is insanely normal.

@CocoKoko123 I dont think peri menopause pre 40 is particularly common. Worth checking but also as pp said you can still get preggers.

@NoMoreweepingandwanking I cant rem how far out of your split are you?

I think it’s pretty rare to be Peri before 40, in my family it’s not so rare, I’m lucky to have made it to 37 with my womb still in tac as most of my family had hysterectomies by the time they were 40 due to many issues. I have sweats, forgetfulness and terrible head aches, I am on the pill but GP keeps taking me off as I keep spotting on them (and because of the head aches) but I worry about the risk of pregnancy if I’m not on them and they stop the evil PMT I get each month and the terrible ovulation pain. I look forward to it all being over.

Mr Beard messaged me last night saying he felt really comfortable with me, like he had known me forever. I really don’t know what to think, I like him but there was no huge spark, maybe just because of his scruffiness and the fear of ever having to take him to meet my parents 🤣.

And for those who are struggling... it does get easier, I’m almost 5 years on from my marriage ending, I don’t think I realised at the time how long it would take to recover but now I have no hard feelings with ex, I do 99% of the parenting but I am able to talk to him when I need to without losing my shit with him, he is pretty useless and I don’t include him in meetings or hospital appointments for the dd’s, dd has a hospital appointment today, I did try and tell him but he doesn’t show much interest, I’ve given up arguing with him, for my own mental health I just walk away.

@Sunshineandflipflops 💐 take care of yourself today.

@supercali77 I was timetravellingdiamond before. Yes I was good and deleted all pics, chats, literally the day it ended. I've kept his number and we're still friends on Snapchat too but I've actually been fine and not looked at his snapchat story 😂 I've not texted him and don't think there's any likelihood of me doing it either. I don't think I'll hear again from him. If I ever did and I was single, I know I would tell him unless he actually wants more than sex I can't go back to having sex with him. It's not going to happen anyway. But I'm actually feeling ok and 'over' it as it were. Would just be nice to have the fun and excitement I had with him right now!

Hello, just joining, haven't read through everyone's posts yet, so just saying hello for now 😊

@Lovemusic33 my friend was told it becoming more common to be around 40 and full m at 50. There’s about 40 years from first period to m so years ago women had first periods 14/15 now it’s more like 10 so menopause’s move earlier

I'm 48 and missed a period early last year,then had two in one month and since then,back to normal. So something is going on but not sure I'm peri?

For those finding it a tough time,hugs from me too. It's such a strange time of year,everyone full of joy and adverts full of smiling families. Films on TV of happy love stories. Well, things will improve,they always do get better. Just doesnt help when you're feeling so low.
I was feeling sad last Friday and usually I would just dwell on it,instead I went down the road to the old lady who walks my dog if I'm out . As soon as she opened the door I started sobbing and she put the kettle on and gave me a hug. Felt so much better after. On Sunday she arrived at mine feeling sad as she wont see her daughter this cmas so I offered support. So,hoping people on here have someone they can just chat with and just off load.

I cancelled bluenose who I was meant to meet.his messages were starting to make me question things. A couple of ' if we get on we can chill and watch TV together' and ' if we get on then I can come over in the eves'. After i had explained eves were out for the time being as i have son at home. He seemed to think he would just come over on second date( after travelling an hour). Probably would want to stay too!! Um,no.
Haven't heard from real life man. Made me realise nothing is real till its happening

Jane your right, I’m sure both my dd's will hit it early as both started at 10. I was 13/14 and pretty late compared to friends.

Sorry for everyone feeling low.

@nomoreweepingandwanking i think it's good you've decided to stop dating. You're so raw you need to give yourself time before jumping straight back in.

@TheDevilsPedicure and you're sounding not raw which is a step in the right direction.

@Lovemusic33 I used to be off grid myself and I still usually need to have my hair brushed 😁 he might be better when he's not straight from work. I couldn't do full crustie again I have to admit... or filthy hands.

Re peri, I was full menopause at 48 which explains my flooding, suicidal PMS, short cycles at 38. Oh and infertility. But that's another life. Yes @CocoKoko123 you can ask your GP to test your FSH as an indicator. You'll probably be fine.

As for me... aargh I'll update later. Not happy with men. They can all fuck off.