Dating thread 176 - where we get through Christmas with team carpark updates

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Welcome @wanderingandlost.

Aha so it's a Xmas thing. Well I've decided to not have sex with any of them. Including Mr U. I think I'd like a period of no-sex for a while. Or no pointless casual itch-scratching sex. Although I do need it scratched really badly. I'd just like a clear head. And I feel a bit irritated by them all.

I'm going to concentrate on Mr RealLife. Wait for our date in January and see where it goes. He's a musician so I've been listening to his CD on repeat and feeling a bit warm and fuzzy. That'll do me for over Xmas. And if I feel differently in January well so be it. The fact he's not on dating apps means there's no race to meet him before someone else gets to him. And we've already met so I know I fancy him and that he ticks a lot of boxes.

Gah, posted and it crashed on me!

@kerkyra, always a boost to get 'chatted up' IRL even if nothing comes of it. Do you actually like this guy? Sounds a bit like he will do rather than you are excited by the prospect...!

So my kids are meeting Mr Ad this weekend! We were going to wait until after Xmas but my eldest has asked a couple of times why they can't meet him sooner and actually, due to arrangements over Xmas, there is a small chance their paths may cross anyway so I decided perhaps before Xmas would be best.

Mr Ad is looking forward to meeting them and we are going to meet up half way and do an activity together so it's not quite so intense for him!

@Sunshineandflipflops eeeek No pressure. Poor Mr Ad, I would be terrified. I'm sure they'll love him as much as you do but it's still a huge step....Amazing news!

Yeah, I think he will be nervous but they really are great kids (if I do say so myself). I might be meeting his just after Xmas but he doesn't see them all they often himself due to logistics and them being older and doing their own thing.

Actually, maybe you guys can offer some advice...

WHen the kids met the woman he had the affair with, he told me it was going to be a certain weekend and then did it the weekend before so I had to find out from the kids that they had already met her and I really wasn't prepared.

He has been seeing someone else for a few weeks and I found out the kids had met her a couple of weeks ago ( I know who she is loosely and our DS knows her DD from primary school). I was really pissed off as they'd only just been told about the end of his relationship with the OW.

Anyway...do I be the bigger person and tell him they are going to meet Mr Ad or do I just go ahead?

God tinder is brutal. Swiped right on someone. Matched. Started composing a msg when it went all funny. Tried to find him to write it again and realised the git had unmatched WHILST I was writing!!!

And I'd tell him, but only like the morning of, or last thing the day before

I'd probably tell him just before it happened Sunshine. I don't really think you have to tell him at all .... and I'm sure it will go well.

I am meeting two really good friends of Mr BC on New Year's Day. I'm so anxious already - they were friends with his late wife so I feel like I'm being measured against her. He says they are really pleased he's seeing someone (me) and desperately curious lol

It's really hard for us to organise meeting friends are we are both incredibly time poor - he works 16 hour (or more) days and lives an hour and a half away. I do a paltry 12-13 hour day including commute 😂 It's hard enough finding time to see each other!

Sunshine I dont think I will bother telling my ex Dh beforehand if I ever meet anyone I want to introduce as I wouldn't want him thinking I was seeking any kind of permission from him given that he snook a meeting in with my kids and his OW whilst we were still together 😡 - something which I didn't find out about until months later when we officially split and OW materialised on scene

Thanks. I have a feeling they will say something to him this week anyway so might be a waste of time over thinking it!

@Neverexpected2 What a tosser.

I'm not asking permission at all...I guess I just know how it felt to have the kids tell me they met their dad's gf (twice) when I innocently asked them what they'd done over the weekend.

@shitwithsugaron He knows I've met someone so I guess he expects it at some point. As much as I'd like to do what he did to me, I'm just not that person.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I don't write first to tinder matches. I think men swipe indiscriminately and so check their matches and then decide if they like you. Whereas we have done this before swiping.

The only time I did write first was because I loved his dog. He asked me for a coffee. Then he unmatched me. So I won't be doing that again.

Have a few conversations in early stages. Including one who rang me. Whaaaaat. I don't do phone calls!! I was out so couldn't answer. But what's wrong with texting?!?!

Stick to the person you are sunshine. If you tell him in advance then any bad reaction from him is fielded by you, not the DC, which is the right thing to do by them.

My eldest DD told me about meeting XH’s GF (I had no idea of her existence, it was post divorce) and I think my anger and pain tipped off a MH condition in her that she is still struggling with 😡. He so should have handled it differently 😡😡

Posting on here to stop me messaging Mr E!!

@Sunshineandflipflops similar going on here. Arranging for my (adult) DS and (late teens) DD to meet MrDr very soon. He wants me to meet his family and friends over Christmas to make things 'official'.

We met up at the weekend for a night away which coincided with him meeting a few friends of mine. They approve of him and thought he was lovely. This makes me happy! Also, last night we both had a long chat on the phone and he finished the call by saying 'I love you lots!', I replied that I loved him too...then that was it! I was bit shocked we've mentioned the L word so naturally. He is visiting me this week, midweek and I may be over thinking it, but I'd like to talk to him a bit more about her feelings for each other.

That's my update for now! My heart in my mouth at times that this is going so well. I keep wondering what the catch is...does anyone else identify with that?

Sunshine, I do find him attractive and pretty excited by the prospect! But still waiting for that txt,so just trying to chill.
Good luck at the weekend,I'm sure all will be fine. I would mention in passing to your ex as of ot was me I wouldn't want DC feeling should they or shouldnt they mention

Any experience of POF? Joined a week ago, couple hundred messages. I did chat to a couple on WhatsApp and they seem to disappear after a day. What's with that?

Welcome to all the thread newbies. May the odds be ever in your favour 😂 seriously you have found the place to be. Honestly even if a date is shite you can think “oooh cannot wait to tell the dating gang”

sunshine I would maybe tell him post event. Just chuck it on a message as a by the way.

kerkyra ooooooh a real lifer! Exciting

unambiguos not fair! You have loads. I still have zero!

Pre Xmas shag lined up with Mr Big though. Ffs I want a big romance and the only guy I’m seeing is emotionally void 😂

@WanderingLost167. I kept my pof on hidden and only turned it on a bit at a time or you do get inundated. I don’t Usually give my number until I’ve been chatting a while or met up once x

I hate WhatsApp online status 😂

Ah that's the secret.

Talked on phone to someone today who seems nice, but still hung up on an ex. Feels like I'm simply going through the motions really.

Welcome wandering
shit glad you're ok. Good luck with Mr B.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 do you think there is any potential with Mr Big long term? You seem still very connected to him. Does he ever give signals he would like more from you? He doesn't sound good enough for you from your previous postings.

@Sunshineandflipflops I'd probably tell my ex but that's because my ex asked me but I'd leave it later in the day rather than give him time to make trouble.

I'm still off the dating sites which is nice. Ocassionally swiping but genuinely not too fussed. Still seeing my FWB so it's been about 9 months now. Will be swapping gifts etc for Xmas which is nice. It's all strange and not very normal but I think given my history with my abusive ex, this strange FWB arrangement suits me.