Dating thread 176 - where we get through Christmas with team carpark updates

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Lovemusic33. Sorry to hear that .do you have a friend who’d go out for lunch or something or just have a nice quiet day at home this time of year it’s much needed

@Peanutbuttermouth impressive use of your standards and boundaries there. I applaud you. @Jane1978xx his location wouldn't change if he hadn't opened the app.

@Lovemusic33 sorry to hear that. Can you meet up with friends!

@crazycatlady20 why would you look stupid. This is your relationship too. Read rule 12.

You are absolutely right, @Peanutbuttermouth. If he's still swiping after saying he wasn't, that's a terrible indication of character.

Thank you @notcoolmum my boundaries are a work in progress and I find it difficult to stick to them so this is a big deal for me and I'm proud of myself!
He's replied saying he's disappointed and asking why. Now I don't know what to say. "Had a gut feeling and checked up on you" sounds a bit crazy!!

Well you have nothing to lose by being blunt imo.

@notcoolmum silly was the wrong thing to say, more just not wanting to know if he is Haha. I dont think he is, which is why I'm prob not that stressed about it at the minute.

@peanutbuttermouth could u say u were deleting ur app/profile and just had a wee check?

@Peanutbuttermouth you could be entirely honest and say you had a gut feeling. Or say you were showing his profile to a friend. Either way, do remember to trust your gut if you give him a second chance.

My pof account was hacked last week and I got 100s Of messages so could say that happened 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Boundaries are do hard. My stbx is having quite regular hissy fits and boundary pushing/telling the DC to push my boundaries. I'm standing by my red lines, but I've had a flurry of accusations of being inflexible and awkward.

Oh well, it never was going to be easy to break away from an abusive ex.

It is making me doubt dating tho and whether I'm ready. I should probably discuss with MrN, but not sure how to bring it up. Also struggling to work out where it's heading. Sometimes I'm sure FWB, then I wonder if he's expecting more. So far, we've had no chat about deleting apps or being exclusive, but I get the feeling that we are. I'm not swiping/seeing anyone else. O don't have time or head space.

Anyway @shitwithsugaron - I hope you're taking care.

@Peanutbuttermouth - well done with boundaries. Stick to your guns if you think he's being anything less than 100% honest.

Thanks all, it's reassuring to hear I'm doing the right thing. This is also the guy who would be on whatsapp but not read or respond to my messages for hours (once it was very nearly 48 hours!) so it's not just the dating app thing.

@uncorrecteddoormat as soon as I put boundaries in (and stuck to them) with my exh he disappeared. He just didn't like me having a voice or a mind. Boundaries are soooo hard. Hopefully worth it in the end?

Absolutely worth it. No doubt.

@uncorrecteddoormat, I found "selfish" was usually the response when I upheld a boundary with the ex after he finally moved out. Any sort of advance planning is "selfish", wanting to discuss paying half each of new passports for the children is "selfish" oh and asking him not to come into my garden (let alone to the door) when dropping off the children is selfish and uncaring nevermind that we were both advised by the police he should not set foot on my property! Perhaps we should set up boundary bingo?
I think my iron wants to be penpals, he can't meet until January 😕🤔

I've had "cold, hostile, verbally agrressive" for asking home to reply to urgent messages about the DC, not saying hello and goodbye specifically to him when he brings DC back...

I've realised that he's projecting. He's actually describing exactly his behavior.

Peanut whether they disappear or actually try harder (rare) it's your peace of mind that raises. Well done to you!

Abusers are very good at projecting. It really makes them easy to spot when you start noticing the pattern.

Mr Pilates just left.
Oh.
My.
God.

Well then!

Aaaaaargh not read the thread yet apologies but I have a conundrum.

Mr RealLife messaged asking when we can meet again which I'm well up for. But I know he was up till 5.30 this morning and that's so not my thing. Plus he lives at least an hour away by tube.

Mr U messaged to see if I wanted a coffee. His first day off in over 6 months and he wanted to go to a market and see me. It was so lovely. I did something that really upset him after we split up, I hadn't realised. And it was quite public. Anyway I just left him and he tried to kiss me. He wants to come over this evening.

I shouldn't let him should I? But where's the harm in a shag?

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking 👍👊

@Peanutbuttermouth well done. You should tell him why though. For your own satisfaction. FWIW I think swiping is addictive and I have been known to do a bit of window shopping with no intention of chatting. But it's just one possibility and if your gut is telling you too then you're right to finish it.

And actually I know I'm addictive so if I've had the conversation (only once!) I delete the app from my phone to resist temptation...

Nearly two hours of fucking. 4 orgasms. Anal sex just happened. And was good.
He was lovely. Kind. Considerate. Knew what he was doing.
Plus i got lots of massages.
Reader. We have a new FWB winner.

Am far less bothered about whether Mr Fast Work does or doesn't follow through tonight. In any way. Stuff him if he can't see I'm a catch.

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking Don’t leave us hanging like that!!

@Peanutbuttermouth The app discovery is a good thing really, not nice, but better to find out now rather than a few months time.

It’s so cold! We’re on our way to the lovely forest of dean so MrNN can meet my ‘nother mother. Wondering if he’ll survive...

Plus @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking mr FW has told you he won't do the one thing you really lie. And Mr Pilates has just got on with it. How's your back? 😁