Dating thread 176 - where we get through Christmas with team carpark updates

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

No msg since Tuesday. Contact pretty much always initiated by me. No reply to a msg i sent this morning. Just feeling a bit insecure really. We have only had two dates...

I’m not sure does he have a job he can’t have his phone ? Mr gray can’t message at work but we usually have a text chat in the evening for 30/40 mins back and forth or send messages over the evening. But it is prob me who starts each chat. I see people on here having hours of phone calls after one or two dates but people are different I guess . And if you are spending most of the weekend together he maybe wants to save it for in person

I don't think he can use his phone much. But I've seen that he's been on whatsapp twice since i sent a brief message this morning but thr ticks are still grey.

And i dont know if I'm being an unreasonable nutcase to be bothered about it. He has said he doesn't tend to message much and i don't want to hit self destruct just because someone isn't on their phone but similarly I don't want ti be in a situation where i feel ignored, even if that's not actually what's happening. This is more stuff I need to discuss face to face though, unless i do want to just hit self destruct whilst coming across like a needy nutjob.

I know where you are coming from. I was told I’ll text you later and it got to 10pm and I was fuming 😂😂. Had to turn my Phone off. Then he text me a big nice message at 8 am. I try to think of it like friends , I have some I mesage several times a day and others once a week but they are equally good friends. Has he got Kids ? I got told by someone he always goes into whatapp when he gets a notification in case it’s an issue with his kids but he doesn’t reply at that time.

I do have to repeat in my head do not look desparate or like a psycho 🤷🏼‍♀️😂. Play it cool 😎

No. No kids. I've archived the chat so i don't have it sitting there LOOKING at me every time.

I honestly wonder if a relationship is possible undee these circumstances. I can't deal with uncertainty like this

See how it goes in person . I think women are different as we are more likely to be in constant contact with friends and family. And he suggested sat night didn’t he ? So he must be keen

Just come on to have a virtual cry/sulk.

It's my child free weekend this weekend (mine and Mr Ad's weekend together). I am going out on saturday night - an Xmas night out that's been arranged and paid for for months and he was going to stay at mine while I went so that we still get sunday together (we live an hour apart).

Now he has been invited to something on saturday night by his sister, which involves leaving on a train on saturday morning and probably staying at hers sat night as it's quite far away (closer to where she lives).

He said he wouldn't go as he'd rather see me and didn't want to upset me so I said I can hardly be upset when I'm going to be out anyway, he should go.

So I think he is. As my rational brain knows he should, but it now means due to logistics I won't see him all weekend now. I have my kids next weekend and saw him overnight tuesday/wed (literally 12 hours and 6 of those were spent sleeping) and now probably not until next tuesday (which will be same drill).

Not upset or angry as he absolutely should go and enjoy himself rather than sit at my house waiting for me to get home from a night out but I am really disappointed

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I use WA for work as well so perhaps he's doing work stuff and appearing online but purposely avoiding personal communication if that's frowned on in the workplace?
Don't despair, we've all experienced that insecurity at the start when we don't really know someone well enough to understand how they prefer to communicate, nor want to come across as needy and demanding and screw it up before it's really got started.
I can assure you it gets easier, all these feelings are far stronger when you first start OLD. Hopefully this one works out for you, but if not you just get a bit wiser, blase and tougher with each experience
@Sunshineandflipflops yes it was mutual, she sent me a very leading question on WA, and it naturally flowed from there. Looking forward to saying it in person today though.

Thanks for the listening ear and the understanding. I think feeling ignored is a bit of a trigger for me

Sunshine - totally understand that. No chance he can come over on the Sunday or you can meet hin somewhere halfway?

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking Problem is he will be out late sat night so won't be back from where he is going early and my kids come home at 4pm on a sunday so not really worth it. I could go over tomorrow night but by the time he fnishes he AA meeting, I wouldn't see him until 9pm then he will be getting the train at 11 am on sat so don't really want to make the late drive and 2 hour round trip for a few hours awake together.
He's apologised that we don't get to see each other, which he doesn't have to do but it doesn't change my (irrational) disappointment that it will be 3 weekends in a row I won't have seen him.

It’s hard sunshine I have just been wondering if I should give it up. My kids are really little so even when I put them to bed they often wake up so evenings are difficult. They only go to ex 3 nights in 14 and I like to see friends etc. What type of man realistically is gonna want to get involved with me?

We usually get by but the EOW keeps us going as it's our only chance for 'quality time' together. The one evening a week as always short and most of it spent sleeping.

I'm not feeling very well today so not handling it as well as I could. Just feeling unwanted I think, which is ridiculous but it's also a hard time of year for me with memories and events involving my ex so I guess I'm feeling more vulnerable (and needy...which I HATE).

@Sunshineandflipflops 9 pm fri til 11 am Saturday is not bad. Why don't you go over? It's better than not seeing him at all esp if it's only an hour away. I think we just have to fit in what we can. Mr U left mine every morning at 9.30 and we didn't get to spend a day together for months.

I do wonder as well who would want to get involved with someone who only has 3 nights a week. And it's quite liberating being single and having time for socialising. The whole friends or boyfriend choice was quite tiring.

@unambiguousbeard Yeah, I know. I'm just sulking I think. I want him to want me to go over whereas he said "you still coming friday or want to leave it"?, which doesn't make me want to make the effort.

I don't think he meant it as I've taken it and I am being an idiot.

I'd do it, anyway, sunshine, but obviously my situation clouds my view. I haven't seen Mr G since 1 November.

Have a good sulk @Sunshineandflipflops. When it clears go up on Friday 😁

As ever, I agree with unambiguous - life’s too short for sulking sunshine 😊

Yeah I’d do it , it’s an awkward time of year for everyone so take the oppertunity when you can

Meh 😂

@Sunshineandflipflops he's just doing the decent thing and not pressuring you to come over for a few hours on Fri. What he actually wants is you to say "I can't have a whole weekend without you, I'll see you tomorrow". Stop being a grump!
Sorry 😂😂

Thanks @Ant330. You're right, I am being a grump. I am not safe texting when I'm in this mood so I'm going to wait until I'm in less of a grump to reply!

I just want to feel wanted and right now I feel rejected but that's not his fault, it's me and my stupid issues.

Quick update from me. Not been on much (sorry) after a shit year with men. I decided to just enjoy the rest of it on my own. Then a guy come along out the blue and really tried. He's literally jumped through hoops to prove himself to me. But not via words all via actions. I've been very very cold with because I just didn't want to get involved.

Anyway it's early (very early days) but I'm seeing where this goes. I can't fault his effort in 6 weeks.

I just wanted to say @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking this isn't you feeling insecure. This is him doing the hot n cold dance. And you deserve better than that. Do not text this guy any more, unless he responds. I would go as far as saying delete his number and let him come to you.

If he's interested he will show you, you will never second guess him and you will not feel insecure.

I will. I am so over this right now.
And i will probably regret saying this tomorrow but right now i wish i had thw option of givinf my ex full custody and just walking away. I have been giving everything if mysekf to this family for years and ny ex shat all over me and it and it feels meaningless. The chikdren are overtired and being horrible. Im exhaudted and miserable. I want to just go away and not have to think about or care about anybody except myself. I want to be free. Not tied down to a bunch of slefish ungrateful people who not only don't care about me but are actively getting innthe way of me finding someone who might. I feel trapped and angry and hurt. I don't want to be a parent right now.

This is not my life.

@lifegoes That's great to know, I know you hadn't had an easy ride of things but glad things are looking up.