Dating thread 176 - where we get through Christmas with team carpark updates

[NoMoreWeepingAndWanking]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@TheDevilsPedicure it's so important to be able to talk these issues through, and it looks like a fair few of us have the experience to support each other. Sadly.

I got some new tattoos today! Ever further from the woman I once was, which is a very good thing.

I’d be interested to know what everyone’s minimum criteria are, I think I probably have very high standards and this could be weeding out some good ones

I want:

Tall (at least 5’10 even though I’m only 5’2)
Professional job
No kids
Attractive (this is subjective and I’m often told I have strange taste )
Not a tight git
Kind and (reasonably) funny

Seems reasonable, though height is definitely something I stopped caring about with Mr G. He's an inch shorter than me an I couldn't care less, though previously I'd preferred taller men.

No kids might be tricky depending on your age range. I personally prefer dating men with kids, if they are good, invested father's at least. It is a measure of their character, imo.

You don't sound overly fussy, really.

@PerfectPretender it's sad we all have been through these things but we are all stronger for it I'm sure, and I'm grateful for this thread for so many reasons.

Fantastic, what did you get? Loved the sound of what you had planned, think we like similar tatts.

I got three, because I'm a glutton for punishment and don't like sleeping at night, apparently. On my right thigh I have cherry blossoms - it was inked in grey and pale pink and white so it will fade a bit as it heals and sort of match my skin tone. I am large of thigh so I may expand this design in future. Plenty of space to do so, haha. On my back left shoulder I have a b&w phoenix with a red flame behind it. And on my spine I have phases of the moon, line work style, not realistic. The spine made me a bit giddy, I don't really enjoy line tattoos, I don't get the chance to go numb like with colouring in.

My artist specialises in watercolour designs so we discussed a dragon sleeve in future. Next year haha.

Ok I don't know if these are minimum requirements or a fantasy wish list or a description of FWB 🤭

5ft9 or 10 minimum but not too tall either (that's plenty taller than me)
Fit, toned body with strong shoulders (but not bodybuilder)
Brown hair (and plenty of it) but I particularly like how FWB had his cut.
Good looking with kind eyes and full lips
Don't care what they do for work as long as they work hard
Don't care about money/family background. I found it attractive that he cared so much about his family and friends
Kind and really funny without trying to be but also daft sense of humour
Passionate and able to excite me and give me butterflies.

Hmmm yeah I see what I did there....

sunshine is your ex still contributing towards the mortgage?my concern would be that if he is not contributing to mortgage or maintenance of house when you finally get divorce in future he could come after half of
it.can you not go ahead with divorce and get a mesher order in place so he's only entitled to half the equity at his point of leaving but you and dc can stay there until youngest is 18?my other concern would be with ex being entitled to share of my pension, which would be increasing in value since the split, or that pe would stick her Jose in and try and take more of mine and dc's money. Apologies if speaking out of turn just food for thought x

'Ow' and 'nose' - apologies for typos

Oooh @PerfectPretender they sound gorgeous, and we now have similar sound tattoos! Yeah I found that a tingly one as well although I quite enjoy the sensation!

Love the sound of the cherry blossom too, that's something I've been considering

Not sure what’s going on tonight, maybe a full moon? Men are acting strangely. Exchanged numbers with someone as we share a hobby and he wanted to see some photos, next thing he’s asking if I can message his sister as she wants to chat to me 🤔. And another guy is firing out chat up lines, how he would walk over hot coal to be with me. I think this just confirms how crazy POF is.

Thanks, @TheDevilsPedicure, I'm happy with them! Tbh I've been quite impulsive with my choices but they suit me I think. I now fully understand why tattoos are addictive....

@PerfectPretender me too, usually I get an idea and have been known to go and get it done the same day. Most have a little bit of personal meaning too which helps. And yes they really are addictive

@shitwithsugaron In so sorry to hear about the breakup. I know we only hear bits of people's stories on here but I've not liked the way Mr B treats you for a long time. I also don't like how he uses his MH to manipulate and guilt trip you.

Please keep guarding your heart. I can't help but expect he will try and reel you back in again, and probably get you thinking it was all your fault.

Be kind to you

@shitwithsugaron Really sorry to hear that things blew up on you. Please do take good care of yourself through your breakup. Your quips really made me laugh when I started reading these threads, you know. I hope the ADs have you feeling better.

@Peanutbuttermouth Like Ant says, sometimes there’s another conversation going on that’s tricky to interrupt - I have friends abroad and get limited chances due to time differences to chat with them, for example.

I remember sometimes in messaging I didn’t just want to throw out a boring old message about the weather and would take time to think. Or home life would interrupt thoughts for an hour or two. It’s so hard to make conclusions - some people are not big messagers or are just locked down all day and don’t have a messaging habit - I dated a GP like that.

I’m not mega keen on lots of messaging before the first date now, having been down that route and built up expectations, and so I would message less in that scenario to avoid that mutual over-invest. However I don’t think that caution is limited to blokes and if the date goes well, I’m much happier to open up over messaging afterwards.

Hey guys I am back
My DD has been ill so I wasn’t really keeping up with everything
I had to cancel meeting Mr Moving but I just met him tonight
Sexual chemistry and spark there - got on like a house on fire. Snogging at the end, like a slow lovely one

I think there might be some red flags I am overlooking but my vagina head wants to ignore them 😂

Just checking in after a bit of an absence....
@shitwithsugaron I'm so sorry for what's happened
Need to catch up on the thread goings on but loving @Ant330 and the "girlfriend" word!
In my dating life I had a scary experience where I was locked in a car by my date and I was very worried he was going to assault me but thank god he stopped short for some reason.
Otherwise, I've had a sudden flurry of interest (presumably because Christmas is round the corner?) and 2 dates lined up this week! One from REAL LIFE! The other lives further away than I'd like, but we had a video chat and it lasted 3 hours! So we shall see.... Onwards and upwards everyone. I don't post much but I think about you all and wave my virtual pom poms for all our dates!

I don’t know if it’s red flags. Ok so I looked him up on FB and he seems really genuine. His ex looks a lot like me so I think I am his ‘type’

The one one one thing that I am stressed about is that he works with someone I really hate. This person is a horrible person and enjoys being cruel. I have known them since I was a child and they have always been the same. They have gone out of their way to bully me and be cruel and spread shit about me. I am worried that if said person knows it’s me that Mr Moving is dating, they will enjoy saying something horrible. Mr Moving doesn’t like this person luckily

I'm still in love with MrGardiner. He wears his heart on his sleeve and its perfect for me. No second guessing, no games. He is absolutely what I need and want. He brings out the best in me. We pine for each other even after a day. I guess we are both emotionally available. There have been a couple of red flags along the way but being able to talk about them has totally built up trust. It's been 3 mths but when you know, you know.
So this is me, after nearly 3 years of post split from STBEXH and OLD. I've dated a lot but I finally found my man. He wants to marry me and I will! Its leap year 2020 ladies so watch this space.
If anyone on here has followed me, you know what I've been through and it's been an emotional rollercoaster. I desperately wanted things to work with MrWow but it wasn't meant to be. Block and move on. So glad I did.
I wish all you lovely ladies and gents a very merry Christmas and good luck for the new year. Don't give up and open your hearts. What you want IS out there. 💓x

Some lovely updates TooOld and Ant 😁

That's great news about the house unambiguous. My FMH sold last week - finally. Dating is classed as adultery if you are not divorced but to be honest if your divorce is under way or you've been separated for a while it's completely academic. My solicitor (my divorce took two and a half years) wasn't phased that I was dating. In fact she said 'good for you' lol

I couldn't wait to be divorced and the house selling (3 years after the divorce was finalised!!) was the final 'link' and I'm so glad it's done.

Have issues with my father now 😕 I was pretty low contact but I'm an only child so have been on the phone to social services etc. He lives two hours away and I'm out at work 12 hours a day (and it's pretty difficult to have time or privacy for phone calls) so I am struggling to find any time and deeply resentful as I can't stand the man

Nice to hear some good news stories.

I was due to go out with Me Gray tonight but my dd is Ill so having to postpone until weekend 😩.

@CocoKoko123 We still pay the mortgage jointly, yes. I have just re-mortgaged for another 2 years as the deal we were on ended so I know we will be ok for another 2 years at least.
I've not been very pro-active in separating our finances at all but the joint account we have that all our bills and mortgage comes out of, only i have a card for and we each had our own accounts anyway so I'm not worried about it.

I guess when I feel ready, I will approach the D word but the last two years have been about creating a new 'normal' for me and the kids and allowing myself to heal.

Sounds like you have a plan sunshine apologies if you felt I was butting in but I just want all you lovely people to be financially protected post split!

Lovely to hear from you too and glad all is going well with mr gardener.

My update:

I'm now officially 'girlfriend' to MrDr . We have been seeing each other for nearly 2 months and he's meeting some of my friends this weekend. The big thing for me was inviting him to my house last week, whereas I have previously been going to his. I had told him that my home has been a bit of a sanctuary for me since the split from my ex. I never thought I would invite another man into my home (and my bed). We haven't said the 'L' word yet (well he did when he was drunk on the phone whilst away on a business trip 3 weeks in) but I think we are gearing up to it. We both admitted we think of each other all the time and how very different this all is to previous relationships.

Argh...I think I'm in love!

@TooOldForThis67

Your situation sounds like mine:

He wears his heart on his sleeve and its perfect for me. No second guessing, no games.

ant, toold and pinkmonkey lovely updates, so glad to hear this!

Partly inspired by such stories, and partly by the fact that so many things in my life are falling apart (eg household appliances) I have told all FBs that I shall not be in touch again and blocked them. Fed up with part-functioning relationships just as I’m fed up with my part-functioning bloody Dyson. Can’t face doing the same with FWBs yet, but it’s a step in the right direction I feel.