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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Guy I was chatting to on whatsapp just disappeared !

302 replies

AL75 · 04/12/2019 11:18

For a month now I was chatting on phone and messaging a guy I met online. Twice we had to postpone meeting due to ill health either he was not well or I was not well. Our last contact was last Thursday night and I have heard nothing since then, it's now been 6 days. I have noticed the last time he was on whatsapp was the last time he messaged me so he isn't communicating with anyone on whatsapp. He definitely has not blocked me as I can see his online status and no reason for him to stop contact as we were getting on extremely well. I called 2 days ago twice and went straight to voicemail. I have no idea if something tragic has happened to him and no way of finding out. I don't know what to think anymore as this is quite uncharacteristic of him to do this. It has been now 6 days which is very unusual for him not to get in touch. At the beginning I was angry that he wasn't going on whatsapp not reading my messages but now it looks like he isn't using his phone completely and am now worried and extremely sad that it looks like it's come to an end. If he was physically able to, he could log on to dating site he found me on from pc and message me that way but he hasn't and not answering to mail from site that I am sending. I don't know what to think. Every morning he used to whatsapp me good morning or every other morning around 5.45 am before he went on his morning run and am worried something happened last Friday when I heard nothing. I feel so devastated 😔

OP posts:
Greenmay · 12/12/2019 08:49

If makes you feel any better OP my OLD guy disappeared after a few months of daily messaging & phone calls, we were due to meet following week. After I heard nothing for over a day & was concerned l got a text reply to say he was in hospital & unconscious. I was then blocked on WhatsApp & deleted from dating app, it left me feeling so hurt. We lived miles apart, so romance never really seemed a possibility but we got on great & I think I let my guard down.

I did get hold of him after fortnight using a different number, where he told me was in hospital & some horrible tale of how he ended up there (so made it difficult for me to question things). We carried on messaging but less frequent & I was uneasy being uncertain of truth. Unsurprisingly he did cut me off again after a few weeks, I expected it but I was still gutted as he had been a good friend to me.

I wasn't long single and in hindsight I really wasn't in a good place to be dating & OLD makes it so easy to just disappear or pretend to be something your not, one guy eventually admitted he was married & bored, no idea whose photos was using (hence why people suggest facetime). Live & learn

RLOU30 · 12/12/2019 10:35

@Loveabitofrain

I said similar a few pages back. Soon someone will be along to tell you that women shouldn’t have to be nice or some other crap like that 🙄

Slumberly · 12/12/2019 10:46

The great thing about aunts, as opposed to parents, is that you can have an infinite number of them.

You can only go to your mum's funeral once. Aunts- as many as you need.

Loveabitofrain · 12/12/2019 10:52

@RLOU30

I saw that; well done!

I think we should be supporting each other not attacking, and if anyone would like to attack me for being supportive so be it; know which category I'd rather be in!

Schmoozer · 12/12/2019 11:24

Ok @AL75 I see you are starting to see more clearly about this, I don’t know about OLD but I smell bullshit here right enough !!!!
Who ever it is, is stringing you along and it’s really mean. Please don’t be a mug.

Original poster
AL75 · 12/12/2019 16:51

Looks like we are meeting up for a drink Monday afternoon..I'll suss him out then..

OP posts:
WellErrr · 12/12/2019 17:00

Looks like we are meeting up for a drink Monday afternoon..I'll suss him out then..

He’s already got you sussed.

Honestly, I think we’ve all been in a similar position at some point. But HOW I WISH I’d had mumsnet or similar back then to give me a metaphorical shake and tell me to forget him! Now! Before you get hurt!!

There was no aunt. Really!! Bin him off!

marchingonwithmother · 12/12/2019 17:05

You're meeting him?! Shock he's definitely got you sussed. He'll be pissing himself inside when you say "sorry about your Aunt"

Michellelovesizzy · 12/12/2019 17:21

This same thing happened 2 me..... didnt here anthing 4 6 weeks then he just started textin and callin me again. We had met been on dates. Then one day his gf called me that he he lived and had a child with.

lioness88 · 12/12/2019 17:33

Good luck with that OP, I'm guessing he will be bailing with an excuse before Monday.

Spartak · 13/12/2019 00:10

OP, I'm a Nigerian princess that has been given £28 billion on your behalf by Mickey Mouse. I just need you to send me £10,000 via bank transfer and I'll use it to hire a private jet to fly the money to you....

TheReluctantCountess · 13/12/2019 00:22

Please be sensible about where you meet, OP.

YoungHun · 13/12/2019 07:17

£50 says he's going to have another personal crisis before Monday!!

Fool you once shame on him. Fool you twice shame on you!!

Zaphodsotherhead · 13/12/2019 09:01

Juat be careful, OP. Around Christmas is the time when people who are attached but pretending not to be can most easily get away to see other people (Christmas shopping/Christmas party/drinks with friends) so simply being able to meet up with you on Monday isn't a free and clear signal that he's available.

JorisBonson · 13/12/2019 12:56

Placemarking for Monday evening

TurnipToffee · 13/12/2019 13:08

So he wouldn't have messaged you from the airport to say he was going to the airport? Hmmm.

Lampan · 13/12/2019 13:22

I’m sorry OP. I know it can’t be hard to ignore obvious red flags when you want something to work out.
Sadly, the relative dying abroad is the least original excuse in the book for sudden absence from messages, work etc for a lot of people. He knows you have no way to verify it.
He could have just turned on data for less then a minute to message you. He could have used WiFi at the airport. Most long haul flights nowadays have WiFi too for a small charge - surely he hadn’t time on a 8hr flight? If he was feeling what you are, he wouldn’t want to risk losing everything by disappearing - ask yourself would you have vanished on him? No, as you would be worried it wouldn’t all fizzle out.
It’s unlikely Monday will happen I think, if it’s does just keep your guard UP and remember you do not know him at all, and at the moment you have no kind of relationship with him. Be careful.

Lampan · 13/12/2019 13:23

*would fizzle out

TheReluctantCountess · 15/12/2019 16:06

Is the date tomorrow still on?

Aridane · 15/12/2019 16:39

DBML · 15/12/2019 18:13

Oh dear op. Sounds to me like you’re his online EA. His excuse sounds pathetic and I’ll bet the phone he contacts you on is not his primary phone.

NextdoorNeighbourIsATwat · 15/12/2019 18:19

Good luck tomorrow OP.

Hollylolly28 · 15/12/2019 18:41

Good luck hopefully everyone has been wrong, be very wary anyway and make sure you go somewhere public

Original poster
AL75 · 16/12/2019 09:47

I had to postpone the date as I got a call from the recruitment agency booking an immediate interview at that time, couldn't say no as I am desperate to find work..

OP posts:
MissBehaving1000 · 16/12/2019 13:37

Coming out of lurking to ask that when you cancelled your date, did you get a message back from him acknowledging it or asking to rearrange at another time that suits?