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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband is preparing for "end of world"

268 replies

Keira8 · 02/12/2019 11:27

This is my first thread. I am so unsure on how to even start with my issue....well I think it's an issue. Very confused!
I have been with my Husband for 19 years, married for 13. Have 3 wonderful daughters aging between 11 years and 6 years. I was very much besotted with my husband, but over the past few years he has changed, and I honestly don't know what to do.
Whilst I was pregnant with my youngest, my husband started to tell me that within 6 months a world war was going to happen, and so we had to store as much food as possible so that we could survive. 6 months went past, nothing happened, then the date changed and we had to carry on storing food and essentials. I was on maternity leave and couldn't afford this extra "just in case" food.
Then a year later, he brought a weapon (I have no clue where it is kept) incase we get attacked!
Basically from this, it has gone from bad to worse. I have tried for years to get him to see a doctor, but he thinks I am mad for not believing him. He constantly sends me videos on how the terrorist attacks are in fact propaganda, and the government are doing this to scare us!
He doesn't talk to me, he preaches and belittles me about it.
He now tells our eldest about what he believes, and I am worried its affecting her. I am on anti-depressants, and I now think he is the reason.
I have fallen out of love with him, but in his state I am worried leaving him will send him over the edge. I haven't been happy for a long time now, but have always tried talking to him and sorting our issues out. I feel like I am the bad person, as I honestly believes he needs help, and I don't want my girls being raised in an broken home.
Has anyone else ever had this situation? I feel so alone. I am always walking on egg shells with him. Not sure how much more I can take. x

OP posts:
Stripysocks88 · 02/12/2019 13:24

You need to get a GP to do a home visit urgently. I’m a mental health officer in Scotland and this sounds like a serious mental health problem and he possibly needs sectioned. GP will be able to do this along with a mental health officer. Please, please phone your GP today and explain how bad things are. He needs seen urgently.

GameSetMatch · 02/12/2019 13:27

Your husband sounds like he has GAD, i am a sufferer and if I don’t take my medication I would be just like your husband, worrying about stupid things but they feel very real to the sufferer. Firs port of call is the GP

BAISum6367 · 02/12/2019 13:27

You can contact Crimestoppers anonymously and report this.

BestOption · 02/12/2019 13:27

@Devereux1. Whilst some of your points might be valid, YOU don’t know the OP & her children are safe with him, so all you are doing is making her think ‘oh maybe it’s not so bad’ Is that really a good idea given YOU don’t know the nan either?!

IMO it’s far better she gets her & the children out safely. If he’s just an over enthusiastic prepper with some odd ideas, they can sort it out from a place of safety. But it sounds far worse than that with hidden weapons & lying about them.

She needs to be SAFE as her priority

ISawyouinTescoyesterday · 02/12/2019 13:28

Oh op you must be worried sick. I had a thought could he have bi polar? Thinking back to one of Eastenders episodes when Stacey thought her baby was jesus?? It's just a thought I had as was reading your post. X

Span1elsRock · 02/12/2019 13:28

You need to book an appointment with your GP and tell them everything you've said here.

He needs professional help. And fast.

Devereux1 · 02/12/2019 13:28

You are suggesting have balanced conversations with someone OP has clearly described as being obsessed and unable to engage with balanced thinking.

Look at the pattern of behaviour here. This has gone on for years. At some levels, in perhaps other aspects of his life, this man seems to be capable of balanced thinking - or OP, is he not capable of balanced thinking in any aspect of his life?

How is he with the children?
With his work?
With his friends and family?
When he goes into shops?
When he drives and with other drivers?

We're all just guessing, which isn't helping the OP. She could leave asap but for obvious reasons may be unwilling or it's difficult to do that.

There's a little irony here in telling the OP to immediately imagine the worst case scenario... about a man who is imaginging the worst case scenario...

Beau2019 · 02/12/2019 13:30

@Devereux1 I agree. But there are people on this thread who are mental health workers and totally see the signs of a serious mental health issue here - this isn't normal behaviour and I actually think it is quite worrying, in particular regarding the weapons.

No person should ever NEED a weapon. We're in the uk - a bat under the bed would suffice if you are worried about intruders etc. But to hide it and lie about it to your wife is concerning.

I don't think anyone on this post feels comfortable reading this. OP - please take your family somewhere safe and ask for help.

Original poster
Keira8 · 02/12/2019 13:31

Thank you all for your responses, help and advice. I am taking EVERYTHING on board, and to be honest, feel quite overwhelmed with the messages. Thank you.
Although I absolutely hate the weapons, I have not seen them, and hand on heart do not believe he would hurt my children. He is besotted with them.
How do I deal with everything else? the walking on egg shells, the arguments about world issues, the belittling me?? I strongly believe he needs to seek medical advice, but he is not owning up to a problem.
He has mentioned certain dates before, and actually taken time off work as he thought it would happen that day. The last date that was mentioned was 2nd November....obviously nothing happened. I said this to him, and he responded saying "he was glad that it didn't happen then, but it will next year".

OP posts:
mawbroon · 02/12/2019 13:33

I've had psychosis and recognise this type of thinking.
Based on my own experience, I would hazard a guess that what he is saying and doing is only a small part of what is actually going on in his head. Trying to convince him that he's wrong and unwell will likely get you nowhere. He is probably also really, really terrified about the perceived threat and as many other posters have said, it may well escalate to thinking that the only way to protect you all is to kill.
This is where I was when my DH phoned the GP surgery. They send a doctor to the house within half an hour which is usually unheard of. That's how seriously they took the situation and I was assessed by a psychiatrist shortly after.

You need to get help NOW, because trust me, this is not going to get better by itself. You will need to be very clear with whoever you contact that he is a danger to himself and others.
It's a dreadful situation for all of you, but on a happier note, I made a full recovery from being so ill. It is absolutely possible.

Beau2019 · 02/12/2019 13:35

@Keira8 nobody would ever think that their DH would harm their own children. And I am by no means saying this man IS capable but it DOES happen and you can never be 100% sure. You need to decide on the risk here that he may pose, as well as your own feelings and your children's.

Trewser · 02/12/2019 13:35

I wouldn't want to live like this OP. I don't understand how you can, but clearly you can, so I guess you'll have to wait and see if he flips or not.

It's not up to you to sort him out. I'd leave, absolutely no question.

Stripysocks88 · 02/12/2019 13:36

OP please please get a GP out to him ASAP. If he is mentally unwell he could hurt you and/or the children. I’d forget the walking on eggs shells etc at the moment and get him seen by a medical professional now. Please. I’ve seen far far too many cases like this where children and partners are hurt or killed.

mawbroon · 02/12/2019 13:38

OP, I've just read what you've written about believing he wouldn't hurt the children because he is besotted.

Please, please, please understand that it doesn't work that way when you are so unwell. I believed that I was going to have to kill one of mine. It gives me cold shivers thinking about it still. Things could have been so different if DH hadn't got me help when he did.

prawnsword · 02/12/2019 13:38

People who kille their kids & themselves can have warped ways of believing they are doing it for them - that it’s the best decision for the family. I think you need to leave him ASAP for the safety of you & your children. This post is quite scary

Cuteypye · 02/12/2019 13:38

As others have said, you and your dds are in a very risky situation. There is no reasoning with someone like your (d)h and if he thought you might leave him, he may think that you too are the enemy. It may seem impossible to you, but as others have said in cases similar to this, children (and/or wives) have been murdered to stop them leaving.

You need to speak to your gp and the police (perhaps women’s aid), to get help to leave him without him finding out your plans. He is not the man you married, he is a mentally ill danger to your family. Please also warn relatives/friends about his behaviour, but do not go and stay with any of them. He may turn up at their houses and it is unthinkable what could happen!

Please stay safe and take action today to start extracting you and you dds from this situation safely.

hifolks · 02/12/2019 13:40

Get out today, TODAY. Go and stay in a travel lodge. DEMAND a home visit and psychiatric assessment today.

justasking111 · 02/12/2019 13:40

OP you sound like my friend. Her OH carried on like this until the night he decided to protect them by ending their lives thus ending the fear of doom for him. Luckily she got herself and two children barricaded into one room and phoned the police the dog was not so lucky. Her OH was sectioned, she fled with the children and the house was sold.

You are in danger!!

hifolks · 02/12/2019 13:40

A cross bow and a gun are NOT WITHIN THE RANGE OF NORMAL AND SAFE.

rhubarbcrumbles · 02/12/2019 13:41

Although I absolutely hate the weapons, I have not seen them, and hand on heart do not believe he would hurt my children. He is besotted with them.

He has serious mental health issues. What if he decides that this world is a bad place to be and that he can be somewhere better. Because he is 'besotted' with your children what if he decides to take them with him to this 'better place' ?

You and your children are not safe in the house, you cannot guarantee their safety and should get out now.

Devereux1 · 02/12/2019 13:43

Keira8 - ask to speak to your GP as a matter of urgency and you could also try MIND.

How close OP do you feel to leaving? Wanting to leave, and actually doing it?

hifolks · 02/12/2019 13:43

It is because he is besotted he is dangerous.

Winona45 · 02/12/2019 13:46

Its all very well telling the OP to get a GP to the house to assess her DH> This is NOT how it works !!
OP I am you but 6 months ahead !
I asked DH to leave in July after his paranoid thoughts started escalating to the point I had to whisper in my own home, he wandered the garden at night with an axe to " protect us " and he asked my permission to buy a crossbow.
He left and I tried EVERYTHING to get someone to come and talk to him. His GP surgery refused point blank to do a home visit. The only way I convinced him to see someone was by paying a private psychiatrist. We had to drive him there which was no mean feat as he believed he was followed all the way. We told him the appontment was for his mouth, becuase at that point he believed he had been poisoned by " drug dealers " in the local cafe.
He even went to A&E and told them he had been poisoned and they did nothing.
He has had 2 appointments with the psychiatrist and now refuses to go despite us being told he is having a paranoid psychosis and is probably paranoid szchizaphrenic.
He also refused all medication.

NO ONE CARES.
As long as he isnt a risk to himself or anyone else RIGHT NOW apparently no one cares.

He is still at his mothers and as far as I can tell it is escalating.
OP this wont get better unless he is treated. YOu have to ask him to leave.
Trust me i KNOW how hard it is, I am living in hell but you have a duty to protect your kids.

FraglesRock · 02/12/2019 13:46

He loves your children but it's happened before where children are killed to save them from x. Their wives didn't believe it could happen either.
I think I'd prefer to be in the camp where I asked advice from the police and crisis team.

Blindspot82 · 02/12/2019 13:48

It's the weapons bit that pushes things into serious zone. There's intent there, in some form or another, rather than just words and thoughts. Most people harbour conspiracy theories every now and again but if he's stashing weapons in the house that should concern you enough to take some form of preventative action I'm afraid to say. He's telling you that he is prepared to do something and to be honest, if I were in your shoes, I'm not sure I would be sticking around long enough to find out.

You need to get him assessed by the Community Mental Health Recovery Service (or equivalent) for your area. This is an uneasy situation to be in, especially with small children. Something could tip him over the edge and he might decide to use those weapons. Act now and eliminate any risk.

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