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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband is preparing for "end of world"

268 replies

Keira8 · 02/12/2019 11:27

This is my first thread. I am so unsure on how to even start with my issue....well I think it's an issue. Very confused!
I have been with my Husband for 19 years, married for 13. Have 3 wonderful daughters aging between 11 years and 6 years. I was very much besotted with my husband, but over the past few years he has changed, and I honestly don't know what to do.
Whilst I was pregnant with my youngest, my husband started to tell me that within 6 months a world war was going to happen, and so we had to store as much food as possible so that we could survive. 6 months went past, nothing happened, then the date changed and we had to carry on storing food and essentials. I was on maternity leave and couldn't afford this extra "just in case" food.
Then a year later, he brought a weapon (I have no clue where it is kept) incase we get attacked!
Basically from this, it has gone from bad to worse. I have tried for years to get him to see a doctor, but he thinks I am mad for not believing him. He constantly sends me videos on how the terrorist attacks are in fact propaganda, and the government are doing this to scare us!
He doesn't talk to me, he preaches and belittles me about it.
He now tells our eldest about what he believes, and I am worried its affecting her. I am on anti-depressants, and I now think he is the reason.
I have fallen out of love with him, but in his state I am worried leaving him will send him over the edge. I haven't been happy for a long time now, but have always tried talking to him and sorting our issues out. I feel like I am the bad person, as I honestly believes he needs help, and I don't want my girls being raised in an broken home.
Has anyone else ever had this situation? I feel so alone. I am always walking on egg shells with him. Not sure how much more I can take. x

OP posts:
Needsomebottle · 03/12/2019 22:44

OP. So sorry for your situation. I can imagine it is incredibly hard. But I can only imagine. As it is so far from "normal".

Please take that on board. This is a very unhealthy environment for you and your children in so many ways. If you had met him and he was like this, you wouldn't have dated him. You wouldn't have wished to raise children with him. But it has slowly become your normality, which is why this is so hard.

What is frightening is that it is becoming your children's normality. Your eldest even is far too young to be hearing his very extreme views without any form of balance. If they continue to be subjected to it, it will help form their thoughts and their normality, in the same way it has yours.

You say you don't know how many more chances to give him. This isn't about chances. He isn't cheating on you and making conscious decisions which he has a choice over. He is suffering with extreme mental health issues. Part of that issue is an absolute conviction that he is right and the majority of the world is wrong. When he is better for a bit he is simply stifling his extreme views to keep you on side. They are still there because he still has not had any treatment. And he cant see that he needs it.

You either need help sectioning him so he can receive treatment it is so abundantly clear he needs or to part so you are not at risk.

And I appreciate you say this:

I have not seen them, and hand on heart do not believe he would hurt my children. He is besotted with them

But mental health can disintegrate or have momentary lapses in an absolute heartbeat. And you would simply never forgive yourself if in a moment he did do something.

I imagine six months into your relationship if someone had told you he would end up like this, you would have hand on heart said no way at that time.

As I say, I can only imagine how tough it is. But you are so at risk, as are your children. Mental ill health is not rational, it does not sometimes remember who the person loves. Please, keep you and your children safe.

OhioOhioOhio · 03/12/2019 23:10

I had something similar. It's awful.

xJodiex · 04/12/2019 03:24

I know you may not be able to see that you may be at risk in future but I think it would be best to at least listen to what others have said here and get away from him while he is in this state of mind.

It is unhealthy for you and the kids and I would be going crazy wondering where these weapons are hidden. It all sounds very disturbing. He has gone too extreme. He is needing some help.

AutumnRose1 · 04/12/2019 14:20

OP this comment might upset some but here goes

You say he’s besotted with the children. In his world, he might decide that they’re better off not in this world. I remember when my father was dying of cancer, I had terrible guilt for thinking it would be better for him to be taken sooner.

So in your husband’s mental state, he might decide that the whole family is better off dead.

I’m sorry to put it so baldly but I am really unnerved, I’m expecting to read about you all in the news any minute. GET OUT.

Luckingfovely · 04/12/2019 14:42

OP please update us. I know that the comments on this thread have probably scared you witless, but everyone has good reasons for posting what they have, and it's out of very serious concerns for you.

You need to take action for the sake of your children immediately, no matter what you 'believe'. You are too deep in the situation to recognise quite how much danger you are in. Please do take that on board. You will get all the support and advice you need on here, you just need to take that first step.

EmNetta · 04/12/2019 23:57

Hope you're not too upset Keira8. Most posters have already mentioned what I'd planned to write, except that if and when you decide to leave with your girls until your DH has recovered, there are people who can and will help you to make safe arrangements, including a place to stay. You don't have to do it all alone. Flowers

onalongsabbatical · 07/12/2019 07:31

@Keira8 I'm wondering how you are. You are, of course, under no obligation whatsoever to update us, but I was very concerned at the situation you're in. I'm just hoping you're safe and somehow processing all of this. Must have been very hard seeing what all these people thought from the outside.
Wishing you well. Flowers

Shesalittlemadam · 08/12/2019 20:24

@Keira8 Are you ok?

Shesalittlemadam · 12/12/2019 16:27

@Keira8 Really worried... If you read this - PLEASE respond Thanks

No judgement just support Thanks

Keira8 · 12/12/2019 16:32

@Shesalittlemadam thank you for your message.
Yes I am fine, honestly. Thank you.
Things are moving forward and actions have been taken.

OP posts:
Shesalittlemadam · 12/12/2019 16:39

So so so glad to hear!

Would you be happy to PM? Still anonymously of course Brew

Dery · 12/12/2019 19:15

@Keira8 That’s good to hear. Must have been very difficult but the main thing is for you and your DCs to be safe.

IM0GEN · 12/12/2019 19:41

Thanks for getting back to us, glad you are ok.

SirVixofVixHall · 12/12/2019 20:10

I am so glad things are moving in the right direction OP. I have been worrying about you.

EmNetta · 12/12/2019 21:59

All best wishes for the future, @Keira8 Flowers
Stay safe.

gering24 · 21/12/2019 15:49

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martha08 · 03/06/2020 17:32

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Zombieseverywhere · 03/06/2020 17:41

Martha08 I've reported your post.

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