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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband is preparing for "end of world"

268 replies

Keira8 · 02/12/2019 11:27

This is my first thread. I am so unsure on how to even start with my issue....well I think it's an issue. Very confused!
I have been with my Husband for 19 years, married for 13. Have 3 wonderful daughters aging between 11 years and 6 years. I was very much besotted with my husband, but over the past few years he has changed, and I honestly don't know what to do.
Whilst I was pregnant with my youngest, my husband started to tell me that within 6 months a world war was going to happen, and so we had to store as much food as possible so that we could survive. 6 months went past, nothing happened, then the date changed and we had to carry on storing food and essentials. I was on maternity leave and couldn't afford this extra "just in case" food.
Then a year later, he brought a weapon (I have no clue where it is kept) incase we get attacked!
Basically from this, it has gone from bad to worse. I have tried for years to get him to see a doctor, but he thinks I am mad for not believing him. He constantly sends me videos on how the terrorist attacks are in fact propaganda, and the government are doing this to scare us!
He doesn't talk to me, he preaches and belittles me about it.
He now tells our eldest about what he believes, and I am worried its affecting her. I am on anti-depressants, and I now think he is the reason.
I have fallen out of love with him, but in his state I am worried leaving him will send him over the edge. I haven't been happy for a long time now, but have always tried talking to him and sorting our issues out. I feel like I am the bad person, as I honestly believes he needs help, and I don't want my girls being raised in an broken home.
Has anyone else ever had this situation? I feel so alone. I am always walking on egg shells with him. Not sure how much more I can take. x

OP posts:
littlepaddypaws · 02/12/2019 12:29

you can't stay because he might go over the edge, as others have said notify the police and explain what he's doing, his gp and quietly make plans to leave, this could all end very badly if you don't.

Enb76 · 02/12/2019 12:30

He has an illegal weapon

No - he doesn't. I'd suggest in fact that he bought weapons that specifically don't need licenses.

He needs help and you don't have to be the person that gives that help. In your shoes, I think I would leave.

AJPTaylor · 02/12/2019 12:30

Sorry but you have to take action on this. You need to protect your dds.
I am sure that your mental health will improve.
What are the barriers to leaving him

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/12/2019 12:31

Your children are at risk if your DH continues to think in this way, and to collect weapons. They might get hold of them and hurt each other, or, God forbid, your DH may decide that it will be safer for all of the family if he kills you all (this has happened in the past with people whose MH problems have gone unchecked).

Please don't risk your precious children or yourself - leave asap.

AutumnRose1 · 02/12/2019 12:31

Please report the weapons to the police

You say you haven’t seen them so what else has he got?

AlexaAmbidextra · 02/12/2019 12:34

Why belittle another poster's help? This isn't psychoanalysis. This is taking it just as seriously and as a matter of urgency as just shouting "leave!". The OP is clearly in a difficult position and feels unable to perhaps take the more extreme steps that might be a good idea, so in the meantime don't you think it's helpful to get some sort of measure of how urgent the situation is?

Devereux. It wasn’t my intention to belittle you. I just don’t see what you would hope to achieve by OP answering your questions. How would your assessment of the urgency of OP’s situation help, given that she is a stranger on a forum?

AutumnCrow · 02/12/2019 12:34

I don't know about weapons, does he need a licence for a crossbow and air rifle?

As pp said, not illegal to own these in the uk, apparently, despite them being weapons that can kill.

I think the police domestic abuse unit should carry out a risk assessment on you and the DC, OP, if you tell them about his mental instability and that you're afraid, and then help you safely leave.

But that's a 'should '. Who knows these days what resources are even left?

Bloody worrying.

CousinKrispy · 02/12/2019 12:34

Yes, I would suggest you call Women's Aid and the police for advice. I too am worried that this could escalate into a situation in which your poor H feels that the only way to "protect" his family is to kill you--unfortunately this does happen.

I'm not sure that a chat from the local bobby about whether he's storing his crossbow safely would help. He is deeply paranoid and delusional. If he believes the London Bridge attack was all made up, presumably by the government, he may well be suspicious of anyone working in law enforcement.

I think you need to get advice from Women's Aid and the police yourself, and be sure to emphasize exactly how paranoid and delusional he is. Don't whitewash it when you talk to them, it won't do yourself or your husband any good.

I know this must be heartbreaking, but the most important thing is the safety of you and your children.

INeedNewShoes · 02/12/2019 12:36

But now with 3 children in tow, I haven't found the strength to leave

because you have 3 children it is your responsibility to find the strength to leave. You know you are not safe. Regardless of the cause of your husband’s behaviour it is putting you and your children in a vulnerable position.

I know it’s easier said than done but you have to leave. You say you don’t know how many more chances to give him. Don’t give him any more. Just go.

littlepaddypaws · 02/12/2019 12:36

cross bows do not need licences uk it's the same with air rifles

Kit19 · 02/12/2019 12:36

Can only echo what everyone else says. Your DH is a danger to himself & others. You need to get away As soon as you can & he needs treatment.

Speak to your GP about your worries and also phone your local community mental health team

Also you are not responsible for your husbands actions. Your focus has to be keeping yourself & DC safe

AuchAyeTheNo · 02/12/2019 12:36

OP please be very carefully about your next steps here.

I agree with pp that you and your children should leave and be safe but if he seriously is unstable you need to be careful about how you do it. He needs to be sectioned and the police have to be involved. I would contact the GP today and discuss the best way to have this done. You may need to leave the kids somewhere else and call the police while he’s home

littlepaddypaws · 02/12/2019 12:38

hate to say this op but if he was threatening to hurt the kids this afternoon would you stay put or take them and run.? it's easy for us to say you need to leave him but you really must, for the safety of your dc if nothing else.

Lunde · 02/12/2019 12:39

He sounds as though his paranoia and delusions are part of a severe MH episode. I would be very worried about the weapons in the house with your children. He could be very dangerous and kill you all if his MH issues cause him the think that you would all be better dead than "captured by the enemy".

Crossbows can be deadly - only a few days ago a man was jailed for a minimum of 33 years for killing his pregnant ex-wife with a crossbow while she was trying to run away from him.

Please call the police and tell them that your H is suffering from escalating and untreated MH issues, he is refusing to get treatment and has hidden weapons in the home to use against what he perceives as threats.

Straycatstrut · 02/12/2019 12:40

I thought this sounded familiar.

Have you seen the TV show Six Feet Under? They had a character suffering from this exact same thing. Food storage, weapons, real fear over being attacked. He went as far as turning their basement into a bomb shelter and would sleep in it alone, ending up terrified, screaming at his wife.

He suffered from psychotic depression and had electroconvulsive therapy (scary to watch, but effective apparently). His mother had committed suicide and he was still recovering from it.

Did something traumatic happen to your husband in the past?

It's definitely something he needs treatment for as this can spiral very quickly.

Good luck. This must be extremely difficult Flowers

mencken · 02/12/2019 12:40

this is normal behaviour in the 'end of the world' parts of Idaho.

anywhere else - the man has a dangerous mental health problem. You need help, today, and to get safe, today.

Bearski77 · 02/12/2019 12:41

Oh my goodness. Please tell the police. This is a terrible situation for you, and one you cannot deal with alone. He really does need help, for his sake and for yours and your children. Please call them now xx

ASundayWellSpent · 02/12/2019 12:43

This would seem uncharacteristic to anyone who knows me in real life... but what your husband is saying is in at least part true. I don't believe in the end of the world, but do share his views on the rest of it... monitoring population, orchestrating mindsets, fake terrorist attacks, amongst many many others. That isn't important though, he is behaving erratically, going against your wishes, scaring and making you unhappy. He doesn't have to behave that way because of his beliefs. Either he learns to respect your position and wishes or you are no longer compatible

Ravenrob · 02/12/2019 12:45

A family member of mine was very similar to your husband and was sectioned and hospitalised eventually after his mum sought help. I would contact the GP/mental health team (I'm not sure what the process is).
This must be so hard to deal with. Thinking of you.

peridito · 02/12/2019 12:45

This sounds so hard . Easy for us all to advise leaving ,So difficult in practice .

Have you any friends or family who could help you ?

Cheeseandwin5 · 02/12/2019 12:45

Firstly, you may want to step back- this is not a right or wrong viewpoint, but realistically, none of us really know hat is going on and for all you know he maybe correct and the precautions he is taking the right ones. There are millions and millions of people who think in the same way so to dismiss it out of hand would seem to be acting in a way that you are accusing him.
That said, he is obviously scaring you and potentially the kids. I think you should put aside the end of the world argument, as neither of you seems to be willing to leave your viewpoint, but concentrate on the impact it is having on each other and the stress and worry you are feeling.

StinkyWizleteets · 02/12/2019 12:47

I fell out with one of my oldest friends after he was groomed by conspiracy theorists online. While he genuinely believed what he was saying, he couldn’t understand how the group tactics had manipulated him and essentially groomed him. I’ve no idea what the end outcome of this behaviour is but you don’t need to be suffering it. It doesn’t make you the bad person to leave , you and your kids must be first priority and living with an unstable paranoid man with hidden weapons in the house is not safe.

busface999 · 02/12/2019 12:49

I work in mental health. I echo what others have said about removing your children from this situation. You say you would worry about your husband. That is understandable but your children simply must come first.

You are your husband's Nearest Relative under the Mental Health Act. Contact your local crisis team/adult social care and say that you are exercising your right to request an assessment under the Act. They have a duty to consider your request and cannot dismiss your concerns.

AfterSchoolWorry · 02/12/2019 12:53

He needs to be sectioned, he won't seek medical help himself because he doesn't realise he's ill.

cosytoaster · 02/12/2019 12:54

I agree with the poster who said he needs to be sectioned and treated. Unless he has treatment he will still pose a danger to you and your dds even if you leave.
I'd contact the GP again and press them to take this seriously, mentioning your fears and the weapons.
You are in a horrible situation and I feel for you but need to take action.

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