Husband is preparing for "end of world"

[Keira8]

This is my first thread. I am so unsure on how to even start with my issue....well I think it's an issue. Very confused!
I have been with my Husband for 19 years, married for 13. Have 3 wonderful daughters aging between 11 years and 6 years. I was very much besotted with my husband, but over the past few years he has changed, and I honestly don't know what to do.
Whilst I was pregnant with my youngest, my husband started to tell me that within 6 months a world war was going to happen, and so we had to store as much food as possible so that we could survive. 6 months went past, nothing happened, then the date changed and we had to carry on storing food and essentials. I was on maternity leave and couldn't afford this extra "just in case" food.
Then a year later, he brought a weapon (I have no clue where it is kept) incase we get attacked!
Basically from this, it has gone from bad to worse. I have tried for years to get him to see a doctor, but he thinks I am mad for not believing him. He constantly sends me videos on how the terrorist attacks are in fact propaganda, and the government are doing this to scare us!
He doesn't talk to me, he preaches and belittles me about it.
He now tells our eldest about what he believes, and I am worried its affecting her. I am on anti-depressants, and I now think he is the reason.
I have fallen out of love with him, but in his state I am worried leaving him will send him over the edge. I haven't been happy for a long time now, but have always tried talking to him and sorting our issues out. I feel like I am the bad person, as I honestly believes he needs help, and I don't want my girls being raised in an broken home.
Has anyone else ever had this situation? I feel so alone. I am always walking on egg shells with him. Not sure how much more I can take. x

What edge are you scared he will be tipped over? By himself, btw, no through anything you do.

As your children are now being brainwashed I suggest you speak to your GP as a minimum or the police as a sensible option.

@Devereux1 I want to leave, he is not the man I married. I care for him, but I am not in love with him. We argue a lot, but not in a shouting way, we disagree with each other and have heated discussions, and then there will be an atmosphere for a few days.
Although I am very unhappy, I am concerned that it would make my children unhappier if they don't have both parents together.
This may sound silly, I am just so torn.

He could harm your children by thinking he is 'saving' them, nobody is saying he doesn't love them, but he is obviously very unwell.
Please, please leave and get him help.
My MIL had paranoia and nothing could convince her she was wrong about her thinking, she had to be sectioned.

You can’t fix someone else’s mental health. You can’t make someone accept that they have a mental health problem. It’s incredibly hard and incredibly painful but all you can do is protect yourself and your children and it sounds like this is going to mean creating some distance.

I would, in order:

• Quietly seek advice from a doctor and WA.
• Get the children and yourself out, to somewhere safe and far away.
• Contact the police.

Do not be at home when the police / emergency medical team visit.

You can't do this half-heartedly and risk the police 'dropping by for a chat' while you're all still in the house. That would send his paranoia off the scale (be it true MH paranoia, or the cultish behaviour kind) and might trigger the next stage of his behaviour.

Men like this harm their families because they love and want to protect them (often combined with a sense of patriarchal ownership).

Of course not all paranoid, cult-inculcated, stressed or patriarchal men go on to kill their families. But most family anihilators do start out as one or more of those things. Actually obtaining weapons moves him a big step forward from 'harmlessly delusional' towards 'potential killer' (deliberately or accidentally).

Do you have freedom to some and go? Friends? Family? People you can talk to? You're going to london, so clearly you can move around. Can you take the children out for a day without arousing suspicion? That will help.

Your DC will hear your arguments and the resulting atmosphere, it's not a good environment for them.

I think if you were to look into the future, without help, what will he be like in a few years.
Will your children be allowed out, to have friends, to have mobiles
Will he rule all your lives with his precautions?
Will it make you all stressed/depressed?

Although I am very unhappy, I am concerned that it would make my children unhappier if they don't have both parents together.

You need to leave. Better that your children are unhappier than dead. Sorry to be blunt but this is the risk you are taking.

He won’t seek help because he is unwell and believes he is fine. Expecting him to be rational is unrealistic op, as if he was rational, he wouldn’t need help in this instance.
I agree with pp, the fact he is besotted with your children does not make him less dangerous, if anything I would worry that he could think killing the lot of you and then himself is the kindest thing to do.
We live rurally, and like many of our neighbours DH has an air rifle, because he occasionally has to kill a rat , and feels a quick shot is less cruel than poison. It is not hidden away, but is stored safely. Hidden weaponry is a very, very bad sign op.

But what you're doing now isn't working. He is paranoid and unstable and has lethal weapons in your house and you don't know where they are. That is an extraordinarily dangerous position for you and your children to be in.

You can't change his behaviour but you can change the way in which you respond to it.

Agreed with Blindspot, there's accumulating an excessive stash of soup tins and then there's a crossbow. One is someone getting a bit panicky, the other is a giant blinking neon sign of a red flag.

Children who are subjected to a paranoid parent will not have happy childhoods.

One doesn't diagnose people based on the fears of others, you diagnose based on the behaviours of the person you're diagnosing.
One doesn't diagnose at all, because one isn't a psychiatrist, @Devereux1.

The secret weapons cache isn't a clue about MH. Why could it not be an extreme survivalist
I don't believe the OP, or her 3 daughters, need to be living with either a person with extreme MH issues OR an extreme survivalist.
Either way, she has been "walking on eggshells" for years, & as her husband is not going to change, her only option is to change her situation by leaving.

Also, if he's assessed as being a bit unwell or confused but not desperately ill or dangerous, then, when you separate, he will probably gain unsupervised access to the children.

You need to be completely upfront, precise and detailed about the extent of his problems and your fears, when you talk to the police and doctors, so that, if he could possibly pose any risk to the children, that is recognised and documented from the start.

You don't believe that he would harm the children. That's just it though, he may not harm the children, however he is not himself at the moment and this is only going to escalate.

I'm a mental health nurse and while I obviously cannot diagnose someone with third party information over the internet, from what you're telling us, this may be a manifestation of some kind of psychotic illness. If it is, then his grip on reality could become looser over time and...well I wouldn't like to think what may happen. I've seen some horrific and tragic situations over the course of my career due to mental illness taking over peoples rational thought processes.

Of course I could be entirely wrong. However I would speak to the GP again, describe everything, the weapons etc. Tell them how frightened you feel. A word with the police may also be helpful. Depending on the severity of the situation, an emergency assessment may well be carried out.

In the meantime, make a contingency plan. Have somewhere to go should you need to make an escape.

Please keep safe.

We had a relative in the USSR who murdered his wife and children because he just couldn’t take it anymore. Despite these being delusions, the same risk is there. People will often hurt their love ones when driven to their limits. I would look to extricate yourselves before the situation worsens.

Even without potential danger from MH issues (and being armed), OP it is perfectly OK for you to give yourself permission to leave a marriage in which you are unhappy.

While your kids will be upset initially, in the long run I personally believe it is far better for children to have a "broken home" (we really need to abandon that phrase) than to think that being married means you are stuck forever, even if the parents are unhappy and one partner belittles and frightens the other.

Please think about that. Would you want your children to grow up and reproduce the same kind of marriage? You'd want better for them, wouldn't you?

You need to protect your DC. If your eldest speaks about what her father is saying it will be a Safeguarding concern.
You might want to preempt that by speaking to SS yourself and asking their advice on the best way to protect yourself and your DC.

See what busface999 says above and request that mental health assessment.

You can also request that he leaves.

I would not be happy leaving my DC in his care at all.

I feel really sorry for him - he's clearly suffering from a mental health problem and is utterly convinced he's just trying to protect the family. He sounds like he's got schizophrenia to me personally, but I'm not qualified (yet) and I really hope he seeks medical advice. If you believe he could harm himself or someone else then you need to call someone ASAP.

My dh had a breakdown six years ago, he was convinced MI5 was out to get him ,it is truely frightening to see someone in that state and unfortunately it has affected my youngest massively as she witnessed the day police had to be called, it has resulted in ptsd in her.
We no longer live together as it makes you feel really uneasy about what they may do in that state, apart from the couple of weeks dh had to spend in psychiatric unit he has refused to accept treatment as he believes he is not delusional. I feel he still believes it is all true but keeps it hidden from everybody, that is reason why i can't risk him living in same house as us.

@Keira8
I want to leave, he is not the man I married. I care for him, but I am not in love with him.
So seek support for yourself, prepare to leave/leave now. Contacting the GP for emergency help right now, this afternoon, is caring for him as much as yourself. Please do it.

We argue a lot, but not in a shouting way, we disagree with each other and have heated discussions, and then there will be an atmosphere for a few days.
Happens a lot unforunately . But believing there are days when the world will end doesn't happen a lot. That he is so blaise about it when the date passes makes me slightly wonder if he says this for effect, not because he really believes it. Or maybe he does and he just creates a front. Put yourself in his shoes, he looks a real idiot each time he's proven wrong.

Although I am very unhappy, I am concerned that it would make my children unhappier if they don't have both parents together.
This may sound silly, I am just so torn.
Not silly, but it doesn't make sense, in the same way as your husband isn't making sense. Children aren't ever happy when tension is around, they're not happy with threats and arguments in the air, and they certainly won't be happy if your husband harms them or you, will they?

You don't owe him the benefit of any doubt. If he's mentally ill, you're getting the help he needs for him. If he's not, you're just refusing to play his deluded game. Either way you need to protect yourself in every aspect, and if you really, really can't prepare to leave soon (which I think you should do, even say it's temporary), you need to equip yourself with the knowledge of the situation. The best way to do that is immediately speak to your GP - stress how worried you are, this is about safety of your family, there is the real possibility of immediate harm.

Make that call OP.

Does he have a gun licence? If he does then he might well keep the weapon locked up. You could certainly ask just to ensure the children are safe. Of course lots of homes do have guns and need them eg if they live on farms, if they go shooting etc but he does sound as though he has been completely taken in by conspiracy theorists and he should stop going on about it as it is not making for a happy home.

not everyone who thinks the world is about to end is mentally ill but he might be. Quite a lot of religious groups even have often thought the end of the world is nigh. Extinction Rebellioni n some ways has the same ethos. These thoughts even if well meant can mean people take silly decisions, eg some Jehovah's witnesses do not go to university in part because the world will be ending so what is the point?

You need to seek help then.......

GET OUT
GET OUT
GET OUT

The children can see their father when he's well again

I really don't believe that you understand how very dangerous and potentially lethal this situation is, OP.

Please listen to everyone. Your husband needs immediate help and assessment - before he becomes deluded enough to convince himself that killing your children is entirely the best and only option left to him.

You are really, really underestimating the dangerousness of this situation.

Please act immediately. Stop procrastinating and trying to rationalise things.

Save your children and yourself.

It's not a licensing issue - the OP's dh has a crossbow and a air rifle - neither needs paperwork.