Husband is preparing for "end of world"

[Keira8]

This is my first thread. I am so unsure on how to even start with my issue....well I think it's an issue. Very confused!
I have been with my Husband for 19 years, married for 13. Have 3 wonderful daughters aging between 11 years and 6 years. I was very much besotted with my husband, but over the past few years he has changed, and I honestly don't know what to do.
Whilst I was pregnant with my youngest, my husband started to tell me that within 6 months a world war was going to happen, and so we had to store as much food as possible so that we could survive. 6 months went past, nothing happened, then the date changed and we had to carry on storing food and essentials. I was on maternity leave and couldn't afford this extra "just in case" food.
Then a year later, he brought a weapon (I have no clue where it is kept) incase we get attacked!
Basically from this, it has gone from bad to worse. I have tried for years to get him to see a doctor, but he thinks I am mad for not believing him. He constantly sends me videos on how the terrorist attacks are in fact propaganda, and the government are doing this to scare us!
He doesn't talk to me, he preaches and belittles me about it.
He now tells our eldest about what he believes, and I am worried its affecting her. I am on anti-depressants, and I now think he is the reason.
I have fallen out of love with him, but in his state I am worried leaving him will send him over the edge. I haven't been happy for a long time now, but have always tried talking to him and sorting our issues out. I feel like I am the bad person, as I honestly believes he needs help, and I don't want my girls being raised in an broken home.
Has anyone else ever had this situation? I feel so alone. I am always walking on egg shells with him. Not sure how much more I can take. x

I don't normally add to the chorus on these ltb threads but this is extremely worrying and potentially very very dangerous if you can't get away from him to safety.

Please please get yourself and those kids out safely. I can't bring myself to write out what could happen otherwise but you need to act.

Keira8, the (terrifying) thing is, the comments he made about the attacks being propaganda etc are very little different to some of the comments being made in certain left-of-centre groups.

Have you asked him, who does he think the terrorist is then? Have you asked what does he mean, "it's not real"?

Are you finding all these posts telling you to leave asap helpful? Do you think you will/are in a position to do so?

The difficult thing here is that we're all trying to see what road this is leading to, and none of us here are psychiatrists and able to do so. We can't appraise the risk, know what sort of path such behaviour might lead to, we can only think of worst case scenarios or experiences we have heard of.

To get the ball rolling, talk more to your husband about what he's said about you going to London (come at it from your fear perspective, not his delusions), and gently challenge him, ask him what makes him think the way he does, present him with facts (ie the terrorist was jailed for his Stock Exchange plot, does he think all that was made up?). See how he copes with having to think through what he says rather than just spouting his nonsense. You say he got better before you see after you challenged him before, which perhaps indicates he does have the ability to see when he's being an idiot. Which may suggest it's not a MH issue.

I'd make an emergency appointment with your GP and ask for help and tell them everything.

Airgun power FWIW..

Some Air rifles do need licencing as follows;

The legal muzzle-energy limit for air rifles is 12ft.lb and for pistols, 6ft.lb. You do not require any form of licence for sub legal-limit airguns. For rifles producing more than 12ft.lb,a Firearms Certificate (FAC) is required. Air pistols that produce more than 6ft.lb are prohibited.

Cross bows are legal but bloody should be licensed!

Anyway he really does need to see a doctor and as soon as this is getting to be an obsession with him.

Poor you OP:(

Honestly, I know this won't be easy to hear, but this sounds like the backstory of a man who'd end up on the news after having killed his entire family. Your primary responsibility is to yourself and your children. The escalation is a huge red flag, as is the weapon, and the lying about the weapon. What might he do if something sets him off and he thinks the end of the world is happening not 6 months from now but right now? What if he thinks Bad People are coming, and there you all are in the house with his increasingly paranoid self and weapons?

You need to start making plans to leave, the sooner the better. If and when he gets some help then maybe you can think about other options, but right now he sounds like a ticking time bomb, and I'd hate for you and the kids to be there when it goes off.

I suggest you get out before mentioning the problems to the police, etc. There may be a chance that he attacks you / the children if he realises that you have told people about him and are considering leaving him.

My ex started becoming obsessed with "prepper" mentality and having different takes on emergency survival bags before being admitted to a psychiatric ward. All of this was after hed already shown himself to be unwell in other ways. I'm sorry your GP hasn't taken this as my exes did, his mum actually raised her concerns and the GP got in touch with hjm, persuading him to go for a chat.

Is he religious? Does he belong to a cult? Where is he feeding his information from, is he following someone online?
It’s either this, or he may be schizophrenic - my old neighbour had an uncle who thought the same and didn’t go out, he turned his house into a jail basically, with bars across windows on the inside, and trip wires... scary stuff OP - don’t let it escalate. Find out what he’s doing online and whether he’s getting this information or if it’s in his head, that’ll determine MH issues.

The advice above looks interestING. Maybe get an exit plan for the children in place. Best wishes

My other concern would be that he may at some point take it into his head to drag you all off to some "safe" place in the arse end of nowhere, which would put you in an even more precarious position than you are now.

What does your family think of all this? Is there a relative you and the kids could go stay with for a while?

OP - this is VERY concerning. I am genuinely extremely worried for yourself and your children's safety.

It seems as though your DH has a sever case of paranoia or even schizophrenia. Those weapons are illegal (in particular the cross bow) and the fact that he feels he needs one suggests he may be comfortable using them. I strongly suggest you call the police and ensure this man gets the help he needs, otherwise this is going to spiral out of control. The best way you can support this man is by getting him the help he needs by sadly forcing it on him.

I also sadly agree with another poster in regards to family annihilation...please, call the police asap while you and your children are safe and out of the house.

I really do hope you get this sorted.

It seems as though your DH has a sever case of paranoia or even schizophrenia.

Please, you just can't say this. Are you a psychiatrist?

Does he hear 'voices' or does he hear videos 'speaking to him'? He really does need urgent MH help. Can you record some of the things he says? The problem is sometimes people who suffer from paranoia can 'switch' it off and act 'normal' when confronted by doctors and then they're back out in the community again (I grew up with 3 siblings who are schizophrenic).

Have you posted about him/this before OP? It all sounds horribly familiar.

Serious question - how do we differentiate between someone who believes that the state is taking away our power, that the government and authority lies to us, that things in the world aren't going that great, that the police aren't protecting us as they used to and we have to increasingly take matters into our own hands, that it's a good idea to stockpile some things to be self sufficient in case of weather/policing/terrorist attack/etc failure... and someone with MH issues who may do something harmful to themselves or others?

@Devereux1 no, I am not. But I know someone who suffers and it sounds very very familiar.

Would you not agree? Or do you think this behaviour is normal? Maybe I shouldn't have been so blunt but it's very concerning.

There's a real risk that he will decide the only way to "save" his family from the end of the world scenario is to kill you all and then himself.

OP, I know this might be scary, but as outsiders we can see the real risks to you and your DC. You really need an exit plan and to leave.

If necessary, take the DC and some essentials and go, you can get help to retrieve all your stuff. Make sure you have originals or copies of personal and financial paperwork.

if he is highly paranoid is he tracking your internet use? Might he have hidden monitoring and tracking software on your devices? If he has gone as far as buying weapons it is quite possible he has similar for tech. May be safer to have this thread deleted now while taking on board and acting on the very good advice you have had about how to keep yourself safe in this potentially very dangerous situation you are in. Wishing you strength and bravery OP to escape this and that he can get help.

how do we differentiate between someone who believes that the state is taking away our power,[...] and someone with MH issues who may do something harmful to themselves or others?

I think that having a definite date that this will happen is a pretty good indicator.

my husband started to tell me that within 6 months a world war was going to happen, and so we had to store as much food as possible so that we could survive. 6 months went past, nothing happened, then the date changed

@Beau2019 There's just a reason why psychiatrists take 15+ years to train on top of being a doctor, and there's a reason the DSM exists and is referred to. There's also a reason why nobody in authority would ever permit the diagnosis of anyone without a psychiatrist seeing them in person.

I don't agree with your layman's diagnosis because you have never met the 'would-be patient', neither of us are psychiatrists, we do not have a complete picture etc. Only with a complete picture could I, even as a lay person, say if I think his behaviour is normal. Like my previous post, it could be for some people who worry about governments, for others it's certainly not. That depends on many other things that he says and does.

I agree with you, it's concerning, if only because it is making the OP very concerned and frightened.

how do we differentiate between someone who believes that the state is taking away our power ... and someone with MH issues who may do something harmful to themselves or others?

There's a bit of a clue in the secret wepaons cache, & the fact of his wife being scared & unhappy, @Devereux1.

my husband started to tell me that within 6 months a world war was going to happen, and so we had to store as much food as possible so that we could survive. 6 months went past, nothing happened, then the date changed

Meh, that's not really on a date. "The world will end on 21st December" belief is clearly irrational and suggests MH issues. "Things are going badly in the world, I reckon we only have 6 months left" is extreme pessimism, possible MH, possible over-reaction, possible lots of things.

There's a bit of a clue in the secret wepaons cache
The secret weapons cache isn't a clue about MH. Why could it not be an extreme survivalist wanting to keep his weapons secret for privacy/avoid getting into the wrong hands/not to scare anyone/embarrassment?

& the fact of his wife being scared & unhappy
I don't understand this point. One doesn't diagnose people based on the fears of others, you diagnose based on the behaviours of the person you're diagnosing.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s very sad & scary!

However, your primary responsibility is keeping your children safe! Yes, he might just be reading too much crap & following some idiots online...but it’s TOO BIG A RISK to take, to assume he won’t hurt you or the kids.

The guys that kill their families to ‘keep them safe’ are just like your husband, they’re not obviously monsters. They’re ill and they believe they’re doing it to protect their family.

You can still care about him & get him safe, but you need to get your kids out & somewhere very safe first.

You’ll need to inform their school too! You may need a police report to over time his ‘parental responsibility rights’.

You have 3 girls who need YOU to get them somewhere safe.

You can do this!

Devereux - of course people have opinons and beliefs and certainly the older members of my family who lived through war and starvation always had a certain hoard of food. Hell, I always have matches and candles in the house having lived through all the powercuts of the 70s. The issue here is the complete lack of balance and possible danger of holding weapons. You are suggesting have balanced conversations with someone OP has clearly described as being obsessed and unable to engage with balanced thinking.
If the OP's DH was obsessed with some hobby like train spotting and only talked of trains and dragged the family to things train related and turned every conversation to trains when the DC were trying to talk about what they did at school today - posters would likely say how boring that sounded and bad for the DC that they dont get a broader experience in their life. Now take this subject and add in weapons and it is vital to follow better safe than sorry action. Maybe the guy is just a harmless bore obsessed with what could happen thus stealing all the day to day enjoyment from their life - but for the protection of the OP and her 3 DC, they need to consider their own worst case scenario here.

Worst case scenario is that he kiils the children and himself to prevent them from suffering worse at the end of the world. You simply cannot stay with this man if you value your children staying alive.