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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband is preparing for "end of world"

268 replies

Keira8 · 02/12/2019 11:27

This is my first thread. I am so unsure on how to even start with my issue....well I think it's an issue. Very confused!
I have been with my Husband for 19 years, married for 13. Have 3 wonderful daughters aging between 11 years and 6 years. I was very much besotted with my husband, but over the past few years he has changed, and I honestly don't know what to do.
Whilst I was pregnant with my youngest, my husband started to tell me that within 6 months a world war was going to happen, and so we had to store as much food as possible so that we could survive. 6 months went past, nothing happened, then the date changed and we had to carry on storing food and essentials. I was on maternity leave and couldn't afford this extra "just in case" food.
Then a year later, he brought a weapon (I have no clue where it is kept) incase we get attacked!
Basically from this, it has gone from bad to worse. I have tried for years to get him to see a doctor, but he thinks I am mad for not believing him. He constantly sends me videos on how the terrorist attacks are in fact propaganda, and the government are doing this to scare us!
He doesn't talk to me, he preaches and belittles me about it.
He now tells our eldest about what he believes, and I am worried its affecting her. I am on anti-depressants, and I now think he is the reason.
I have fallen out of love with him, but in his state I am worried leaving him will send him over the edge. I haven't been happy for a long time now, but have always tried talking to him and sorting our issues out. I feel like I am the bad person, as I honestly believes he needs help, and I don't want my girls being raised in an broken home.
Has anyone else ever had this situation? I feel so alone. I am always walking on egg shells with him. Not sure how much more I can take. x

OP posts:
bellinisurge · 02/12/2019 12:06

Op, I am an actual prepper. He needs to realise he is in the UK not the US - guessing he has fallen down some US prepper rabbit holes and come up with this shit.
And a smart prepper doesn't alienate themselves from their family and freak them out with weapons. Which is what he has done.
How to deal with it? He needs to calm the fuck down and recognise that he's using paranoia as a weapon against his loved ones. That's not healthy for anyone and counterproductive for a prepper.

AlexaAmbidextra · 02/12/2019 12:07

@Trewser I can't get into the loft, so not sure if it is in there. I have looked in the garage and cannot find it

It doesn’t matter whether you can find them or not. Tell the police so that they can search for them.

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/12/2019 12:07

That's not helpful @Trewser. The OP is asking what to do NOW, going back in time isn't an option.

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/12/2019 12:07

I echo what others have said - get out ASAP.

Devereux1 · 02/12/2019 12:07

I don't know about weapons, does he need a licence for a crossbow and air rifle?

This could be the pre-cursor to some major breakdown incident, or a silly man who has read too many survivalist websites, or a mental health problem.

Can I ask, how is his behaviour each day now the general election is getting closer? What did he say a couple of days ago about the London Bridge attack? I'm just trying to see how he processes real world events around us.

Clangus00 · 02/12/2019 12:08

Terrifying. Please phone the police about these weapons. They won’t be long in getting into your loft.

AlexaAmbidextra · 02/12/2019 12:10

Can I ask, how is his behaviour each day now the general election is getting closer? What did he say a couple of days ago about the London Bridge attack? I'm just trying to see how he processes real world events around us.

I don’t see the point in posters trying to psychoanalyse the DH. OP needs to take this seriously as a matter of urgency.

messolini9 · 02/12/2019 12:13

I have fallen out of love with him, but in his state I am worried leaving him will send him over the edge

It sounds miserable OP & I'm not surprised it's eaten up your love for him.
However - you are not his psychiatrist. You are not beholden to stay with him just because he has a mental illness that might get worse if you leave.

Most importantly - you have 3 daughters, & the environment he has created for them is toxic. You are nor responsible for your husband - but you ARE responsible for your girls. And FFS - weapons in the house? I'd be leaving the day they came through the door.

Devereux1 · 02/12/2019 12:13

AlexaAmbidextra
I don’t see the point in posters trying to psychoanalyse the DH. OP needs to take this seriously as a matter of urgency.

Why belittle another poster's help? This isn't psychoanalysis. This is taking it just as seriously and as a matter of urgency as just shouting "leave!". The OP is clearly in a difficult position and feels unable to perhaps take the more extreme steps that might be a good idea, so in the meantime don't you think it's helpful to get some sort of measure of how urgent the situation is?

This isn't about fixing what's in his head, this is about helping the OP evaluate the situation she's in, and what to do about it, and when.

Original poster
Keira8 · 02/12/2019 12:17

@Devereux1 I have to go to London this week, messaged him to say I was worried....his response was "you shouldn't be, all these terrorist attacks are government propaganda, its not real. I know its hard to understand but this is the way it has always been, they are slowly taking away our rights and this is how they're doing it, through fear".

OP posts:
MoonlightBonnet · 02/12/2019 12:17

Has there been a recent escalation which has made you post this? I agree with everyone else that you need to leave, to a refuge possibly and report the weapons to the police. If there has been a recent escalation in his behaviour it’s particularly urgent that you leave now to keep you and your kids safe.

BrendasUmbrella · 02/12/2019 12:17

If you're going to report the weapons, do it only when you have left the property. His kind of paranoia rarely goes away on its own. And if it gets worse he could do something drastic. Do you understand the high risk situation you and your dc's are living in?

Zaphodsotherhead · 02/12/2019 12:18

I think it's one of those cases of 'boiled frog' - the OP has been in this gradually building situation for so long that she can't see how genuinely dangerous and concerning it is for everyone looking in from the outside.

OP, your DH is no longer the man you knew. He is dangerous, not just to himself but to you and to others. His delusions are making him believe things that aren't, and cannot be, true and he can extend that to you and your children.

You really really need to get out. Only then can you try to access some help for him.

romeoonthebalcony · 02/12/2019 12:19

He does not need to make his own appointment if he has weapons because he is a risk to others and needs urgent assessment. Did you tell the GP about the weapons? They must act with a duty of care to you and your DC if you have.

Please be very careful about this, if he feels under threat of his "safety" being removed he could be triggered into violent action. Perhaps Women's Aid can best advise on the safest order in which to deal with this.

www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/making-a-safety-plan/

Catladiesaremyheroes · 02/12/2019 12:19

I’d be really worried about how mentally unstable your husband has become.

Untreated, his instability will escalate, certainly beyond your ability to protect yourself or your children.

A local man to ours fell into this illness. He became convinced that he had to protect his daughter at any costs from a ‘danger’ only he was was taking seriously. It got serious enough that he abducted her from his wife and family and went into hiding. Sadly, it ended with him shooting her, and then himself.

Please leave him. Do it for your children‘s safety.

Thesearmsofmine · 02/12/2019 12:19

I would be contacting the police regarding the weapons and getting myself and the children away somewhere safe.
He sounds paranoid and I would be very concerned about this.

EllenRipley · 02/12/2019 12:20

Sorry OP, I read this in horror. I'm compelled to echo what previous posters have said, and urge you to take urgent action (and to do so quietly). He's got severe mental health issues and what you describe has the potential to escalate to the point where you and your kids are in real danger.

messolini9 · 02/12/2019 12:20

Husband also doesn't believe I should be on anti-depressants as he "knows" they are a placebo

You'll probably find you don't need anti-depressants when you have extricated yourself from this marriage, @Keira8.

But please be very, very, careful about how you leave.
He is already paranoid, has weapons, has lied about them, & is delusional.
I think you need additional support about how you plan to get yourself & the girls away from him. Are you in the UK? - if so, a quiet call to Womens Aid would be a good start. If you live elsewhere I'm sure PP's will be along with country-specific suggestions.

Zilla1 · 02/12/2019 12:20

Sorry to hear that, OP. I've seen similar where someone thinks they've special insight. Unfortunately, everything that contradicts their world view is dismissed as propaganda believed by the stupid.

Regarding the weapons, where are you, OP. If in England, I don't think having a crossbow or air rifle at home is illegal, though I don't think the crossbow can be taken outside. If so, I'm not sure notifying the police will help matters, OP, given your DP's mental state.

NarhwalAndAFireExtinguisher · 02/12/2019 12:22

An air rifle and a cross bow are perfectly legal to own in the UK, but it IS ilgal to hunt with it and i think to have it in public. People tend to buy them for competitive target shooting type sports. . The police may not be interested as in the grand scheme of things they are legal but if he is struggling with his mental health then the local bobby may come out and have a talk with him at your request to make sure it is stored properly and he is ok.

I think what belinisurge said is about right, he has fallen down some USA prepper rabbit hole and is ready to build a bunker. We are NOT the USA though, and I agree that he is using paranoia as a tool against you all.

I am bipolar and worry myself sick at times about how we could cope if it was a fire/the end of the world/zombies came/gilead happened.....but I am a writer and it gives me great material and allows me to explore my planning for the worst in a safe way. I do simple things like keep plenty of food in the house so we can eat for 6 weeks, plenty of candles, have a fire excape plan but that sort of stuff is just a little on the extreme side of normal.

sarahjconnor · 02/12/2019 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jayho · 02/12/2019 12:23

The air rifle may be categorised as a firearm dependent on its strength. I'd at least have a conversation with the police.

But I think your focus should be on getting you and your children out.

Sounds terrifying.

TuttiCutie · 02/12/2019 12:23

Erm, you need to get yourself and your children out of there ASAP before we're all reading about you in the news.

A crossbow? Seriously?

Women's Aid, Police, get out.

Babdoc · 02/12/2019 12:27

OP, this sounds very much like paranoid schizophrenia. There's a real risk that he will decide the only way to "save" his family from the end of the world scenario is to kill you all and then himself.
Having lethal weapons in the hands of someone so mentally unstable is a recipe for disaster.
If your GP won't help, I'd go to the police with your concerns about both the weapons and his mental health, and see if they would consider contacting your GP with a view to getting him sectioned as a danger to himself and others.

TokyoSushi · 02/12/2019 12:29

Oh OP, this is really scary. You've had some good advice here but for your own safety, you definitely need to carefully begin to take action.