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Original poster

So angry with my sister!

132 replies

Spacebound · 02/12/2019 11:18

Hi everyone,

I am just looking for a bit of advice please. My Niece was born in June this year and as a gift we bought her a lovely little dress, I have now just discovered that my sister has given the dress away to her friend as a gift for her newborn (tags still attached as though she has bought it new)!!

Now I fully understand that babies will grow out of clothes and they may eventually be passed on to friends/family after a few wears but i just cannot believe that someone could do something so horrible. Even if she had said to me, that dress you bought her doesn’t fit so we have swapped it for something else, I would be disappointed but it’s fine I understand things like that happen but to just pass off a gift bought by her Auntie & Uncle to mark her birth as something you have bought is just awful.

My sister and I don’t have the best relationship, everyone has to tread on eggshells with her all the time so as not to rock the boat as she is prone to just flipping out and causing murder within the family. In my parents eyes she can do no wrong and they won’t have a bad word said, although they no what she is like.

I just don’t know how to approach the situation, I am so hurt and angry I want her to know that I know what she has done but I don’t know how to go about it, any ideas?

Thanks x

OP posts:
Lweji · 02/12/2019 11:22

I don't see the point in raising the issue.
But I'd probably start giving her shopping vouchers or just money.

It's possible she has less money than she'd like to admit, or didn't have time to shop for that friend. Or she didn't like the dress. (A dress for a little baby, really?)

PurpleFrames · 02/12/2019 11:24

I think you are totally overreacting.. what would you rather she do put the dress straight in the bin?

She obviously couldn't use it so quite sensibly has recycled it.. I don't see how you find a way to make this a slight about you.

I suggest it's not her the family walks on eggshells around...

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 02/12/2019 11:25

It is hurtful and I'd be upset too but dresses for newborns do not "mark the birth". Newborns get through clothes so quickly I wouldn't call an item of clothing a significant, meaningful present tbh. I was in such a fog I wouldn't be able to remember who gave me what dress. I do remember my MIL getting the raging hump because I didn't dress dd is a summer dress she'd bought. The straps were too long and it didn't cover her upper body. A big, tearful scene was made about why the dress hadn't been worn on DD's birthday as apparently that's what MIL had in mind when she bought it. I had no idea and was unable to bring myself to apologise as she'd made such a fuss and I still roll my eyes when I think of it all these years on.

Fairylea · 02/12/2019 11:27

I think you are massively overreacting. You gave it to her as a gift, what she does with it is up to her. How did you find out what she’s done? That’s the annoying part, it would have been better if you never found out.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/12/2019 11:28

How did you find out?

PurpleDaisies · 02/12/2019 11:28

Did you expect her to keep the dress forever? Confused

queenjolo29 · 02/12/2019 11:28

I think these things happen when having a baby, I had so much with a newborn my girls didn't get to wear everything even tho I would've love them to. Like pp said, what would u rather her do with the clothes now they don't fit?? Think your reading in to it way to much.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 02/12/2019 11:29

How dramatic.
Maybe she didn't like it. Maybe it didn't fit. Maybe she couldn't be arsed going to the shop to exchange it. Maybe she's a bit strapped for cash so decided to re-gift. Maybe the weather was wrong by the time it would've fitted.

Get over it.

Morporkia · 02/12/2019 11:29

spacebound
I was on the other side of this. My DD was given a beautiful dress when she was a newborn and like an idiot I decided to keep it for a special occasion because it was so pretty. Turns out baby’s grow bloody quick and by the time an occasion presented itself, she was way too big for it. Your sister probably thought it was better to regift the dress rather than just keep it, hoping that at least someone may get some use from it. Tbh newborns need practical over pretty.

Ilovethekitties · 02/12/2019 11:30

Maybe she didn't have the time or energy after giving birth to think about swapping the dress and would have rather someone else use it than throw it away. I'm sure with a newborn your feelings weren't her first priority.

MsRomanoff · 02/12/2019 11:32

I think yabu.

You bought her a gift it didnt get used so she gave it to someone else.

Did you actually expect her to keep it forever?

Ginmonkey84 · 02/12/2019 11:32

I’m afraid this happens frequently. I’m guessing you bought her a newborn size dress?

Newborn babies don’t really wear nice clothes some may try to put them on but usually they just take up space, so many people bought me cute outfits for my twins when they were born however in that first month they lived in babygrows and sleepsuits. They are lovely to look at but aren’t practical. Unfortunately it happens and the majority of mine went to a charity shop.

countdowntochristmas · 02/12/2019 11:35

This isn't about the dress is it ?
It's about the relationship with you and your sister . She gave the dress away it's no big deal but it's not like it was straight away . Perhaps the dress wasn't practical for day to day and then she outgrown it so gave if away .
Yes she probably shouldn't have let you know but still I wouldn't bother . You have issues with your sister nothing to do with a dress .

villamariavintrapp · 02/12/2019 11:36

You're completely overreacting. My brother gave us some lovely dresses-designer type for our girls when they were babies, they were beautiful but we just didn't have any events to wear them to, and they were far too much hassle for everyday-if we'd washed them they'd have needed ironed! And buttons down the back so wouldn't have been comfortable. We just never got round to putting the babies in them. But I'd pass them on in case anyone else could get use from them.

Icanflyhigh · 02/12/2019 11:37

I think you are overreacting massively.

It's a dress.

Are you sure you are the sister that is walking on eggshells? I'm fairly certain your sister may be of the same opinion about you.

SweetAsSpice · 02/12/2019 11:38

When I had DS I didn’t use a single newborn outfit - he was in sleepsuits. Easier for me, I admire those who can dress their newborn in beautiful outfits. I did end up giving several away, to those in more need. More ‘special’ items I kept.

This isn’t about the dress though, it’s what her giving away the unused ‘gift’ from you represents, right?

CottonSock · 02/12/2019 11:40

Newborns don't really wear dresses.

shinysinkredemption · 02/12/2019 11:42

You're really making this into a big deal when it is no such thing - you can jokily call her out on it if you think you can laugh about it... it's certainly not grounds to be seething with rage! She was given a thoughtful gift by you, and for reasons best known to herself thought that the most useful way to use it was as a gift to another child - to save money, and/or because she wouldn't use it? Why not just ask her about it in an "I'm interested" way, and maybe say that should you buy her another gift that she feels she won't use, to let you know? or give things with a gift receipt? you can't make someone love and use something you've chosen for them; as others have said, dresses for babies are seriously impractical. I've seen some with uncomfy details whether scratchy lace or buttons down the back; there are many reasons she mayn't have wanted to dress her own baby in it. Sorry you feel so disappointed but you're making it into too much of a big deal.

DioneTheDiabolist · 02/12/2019 11:44

OP, what your sister did is pretty standard in my circles. Newborns tend to be bought lots of clothing that they never wear because they grow so quickly and some stuff, like pretty dresses and in my case designer jeans aren't really practical for such wee ones.

StoneColdSaidSo · 02/12/2019 11:46

I was given so many dresses for dd when she was born and she just didn’t get round to wearing them all. I have a huge family so regifted some of them when their dc were born. Honestly don’t see he issue

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 02/12/2019 11:47

Designer jeans for a newborn baby? What?

underneaththeash · 02/12/2019 11:49

We were given so much 0-3 month stuff for DS1, all three of mine wore only baby grows for the first 3 months and were quite big, so much of it was never worn and I wouldn't have remembered who gave us what.

I wouldn't take it to heart.

NannyPear · 02/12/2019 11:52

Definitive overreaction. Tbh a dress for a newborn isn't a practical gift at all. She was probably too busy dealing with the fog that is having a baby to be dressing her up in an uncomfortable dress for your benefit.

It is quite ironic that you describe having to walk on egg shells around her while your are flipping out over a dress.

ScatteredMama82 · 02/12/2019 11:54

We re-gift stuff all the time. Our boys are very lucky, and get given so much. Sometimes they get 2 of the same thing! If that happens, I put the duplicate away and give it to someone else on an appropriate occasion. It's not at all a slight on the gift giver, we still write and say thank you very much etc. They weren't to know it was a duplicate, wouldn't fit or so on. Don't be so quick to take offence.

cakeandchampagne · 02/12/2019 11:54

You “...don’t have the best relationship...”, so maybe her giving away an unused gift was kind of like her rejecting you/your thoughtfulness/your generosity.
But maybe to her, it was just a dress she gave away.