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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So angry with my sister!

132 replies

Spacebound · 02/12/2019 11:18

Hi everyone,

I am just looking for a bit of advice please. My Niece was born in June this year and as a gift we bought her a lovely little dress, I have now just discovered that my sister has given the dress away to her friend as a gift for her newborn (tags still attached as though she has bought it new)!!

Now I fully understand that babies will grow out of clothes and they may eventually be passed on to friends/family after a few wears but i just cannot believe that someone could do something so horrible. Even if she had said to me, that dress you bought her doesn’t fit so we have swapped it for something else, I would be disappointed but it’s fine I understand things like that happen but to just pass off a gift bought by her Auntie & Uncle to mark her birth as something you have bought is just awful.

My sister and I don’t have the best relationship, everyone has to tread on eggshells with her all the time so as not to rock the boat as she is prone to just flipping out and causing murder within the family. In my parents eyes she can do no wrong and they won’t have a bad word said, although they no what she is like.

I just don’t know how to approach the situation, I am so hurt and angry I want her to know that I know what she has done but I don’t know how to go about it, any ideas?

Thanks x

OP posts:
ThoughtAboutThisTooMuch · 02/12/2019 12:22

OP: AIBU?

Everyone on thread: Yes

OP: well then you're all horrible people

Grin
DioneTheDiabolist · 02/12/2019 12:24

No one has been nasty to you OP. They have just explained the realities of newborns and clothes. If it makes you feel any better, the person your sister gave it to will probably end up regifting it too.

TokyoSushi · 02/12/2019 12:26

Exactly that! @ThoughtAboutThisTooMuch

TheMustressMhor · 02/12/2019 12:27

The person your sister gave it to will probably end up regifting it too

And then she can start a thread about the ingratitude of this person.

Come on, OP.

You haven't got a baby or you'd understand.

This is a non-issue in the grand scheme of things.

BoxtheRight · 02/12/2019 12:28

You haven't got a baby or you'd understand.

I don't have a baby, yet I understand.

I do think it's about lack of kids.

BoxtheRight · 02/12/2019 12:28

Don't think!

G5000 · 02/12/2019 12:29

And I have got to say if you all think her actions are acceptable behaviour I am so glad I don’t know any of you!!

Just a wild guess but the 'not best relationship' is probably not solely because of your sister's personality..

Durgasarrow · 02/12/2019 12:31

My god you are a drama queen

HolyheadBound · 02/12/2019 12:32

It is quite funny that you don't realise that you are also "flipping out." I feel sorry for your parents!

PurpleDaisies · 02/12/2019 12:33

You haven't got a baby or you'd understand.

Most non parents aren’t totally clueless. Hmm

Cosmos45 · 02/12/2019 12:33

Wow!!! Really not until you come onto sites like this you realise how nasty people can be.

No one was being nasty at all. They were simply presenting their opinions which is what you asked for. Because this doesn't agree with your opinion that doesn't total that everyone is picking on you or being nasty. To be honest the way you have typed the OP and then reacted it sounds like you are the one who's incredibly hard work and I am guessing it's your sister who is walking on eggshells rather than the other way round.

Durgasarrow · 02/12/2019 12:37

She has been environmentally responsible by not trashing the dress. She obviously recognized that it is a beautiful item, and probably wanted to dress her child in it for a special occasion. But babies grow out of clothes very quickly. It is much more meaningful and nice for the next people to get the dress as a new gift than as a hand-me-down, and that will extend its usable life. That keeps one more clothing item out of the waste stream. Everybody wins,

WatchingTheMoon · 02/12/2019 12:38

You say that people have to tread on eggshells around her. But you don't seem so different yourself.

I wouldn't even blink if someone did the same to me, I totally understand that sometimes stuff doesn't get used. Babies grow quickly and sometimes you forget to use stuff.

It's not worth getting angry about.

ThinkIamflyingundertheradar · 02/12/2019 12:38

I get you are upset but to me it really doesn’t seem like a big deal. She has regifted a dress. We don’t know why she did it , it could be any one of a dozen reasons but she probably didn’t expect you to find out so it wasn’t meant to hurt you.

Another thing to think about is that perhaps someone else gave her the same dress from the same shop and it wasn’t your gift she passed on - would that make you feel better?

Monday55 · 02/12/2019 12:39

Buying people clothes as baby gift is usually a bad idea anyways. The dress might be cute to you but that parent has a different style/idea in how they want to dress their child.

TroysMammy · 02/12/2019 12:40

I bought my niece a Build a Bear Panda when she was born. At 9 years old it's grubby and naked despite the outfits I bought it since. She won't take it out now for fear of losing it but it's still loved.

For her first birthday I bought her a wooden push-a-long toy which she still has.

It's these type of gifts that are cherished not clothes.

TheBabyAteMyBrain · 02/12/2019 12:41

Cripes, calm down. It's a dress, for a fast growing baby. Maybe it was butt ugly, maybe it didn't fit, maybe dresses for children before the walk are utterly pointless and always look uncomfortable bunched up underneath their backs.

My dc lived in sleepsuits and rompers until they crawled, I never used any of the cute outfits I was gifted, some have been passed on others have gone to charities. Comfort and ease is all that's needed for babies.

GoatCheeseTart · 02/12/2019 12:42

i just cannot believe that someone could do something so horrible.
it’t is just awful.
I am so hurt and angry

Good news - you have definitely won Mumsnet Drama Queen of the Week award.

Chewbecca · 02/12/2019 12:44

It isn’t the best behaviour BUT posters are responding in the way they are because your reaction is way over the top and disproportionate to what’s occurred. There is no need for anger, disappointment perhaps would be a more appropriate reaction. And no follow up action on your part is needed.

Yetanotherwinter · 02/12/2019 12:45

I would just leave it but don’t buy her baby any more clothes. I had a friend who had a baby and I bought him several outfits and a pair or Clark’s shoes when he was young. I never once saw him in anything I bought. I didn’t make an issue of it because she’s a good friend. I make sure I buy vouchers now. Pick your arguments. This is definitely not worth getting upset about.

Aussiebean · 02/12/2019 12:46

I have to agree with the others.

I think your relationship with your sister isn’t good and you are holding on to this as proof of how horrible she is. You have taken it personally But in this instance she has probably been practical.

If you want to mark her birth, buy a nice necklace for when she is older. Or a poster with her date of birth, time and weight etc. Or a teddy bear.

But clothes are grown out of in 2 weeks and more often then not, you haven’t even put them on.

whyamidoingthis · 02/12/2019 12:50

Wow!!! Really not until you come onto sites like this you realise how nasty people can be. Thanks very much for your helpful advice everyone, really appreciate it.

It's not nasty to disagree with you, simply a difference of opinion.

And I have got to say if you all think her actions are acceptable behaviour I am so glad I don’t know any of you!!

Do you not think maybe, just maybe, if everyone on the thread thinks you are over reacting and that it's not really a big deal, that you might be the one out of sync with the norm?

I'm assuming your reaction is based on the poor relationship you have with your sis as we tend to magnify issues in those circumstances. But if you think about it logically, she probably got loads of clothes for her dd. Unless someone are particularly into the brand or style of a particular item, they are unlikely to remember who gave it (new parents are notoriously sleep deprived). Add to that the practicalities - dresses are really unsuitable attire for young babies, you end up changing them multiple times a day, if it was fancy, it probably required ironing, babies grow really quickly, etc etc, it would be very easy to end up in a situation where the child has outgrown the dress and never worn it. The sensible thing to do in those circumstances would be too regift.

RhymingRabbit3 · 02/12/2019 12:51

OP I actually agree with you that it's a bit hurtful. My husbands grandparents bought some things for my DD which really arent my style. She still wore them at least once, usually when we went to visit said relative. I think regifting with the tags on is a bit different to giving someone a bag of second hand baby clothes, including that one, or giving them to a charity shop.

However I do think you need to let it go for the sake of family harmony. Clearly many people wouldnt think this is a big deal and it's probably not worth falling out over. Just don't bother buying stuff for her again in future.

mistydayswampwitch · 02/12/2019 12:52

And I have got to say if you all think her actions are acceptable behaviour I am so glad I don't know any of you!!

😂 I love AIBU reactions like this!
Don't worry love, after your pathetically childish reaction I think most people here are pretty glad they don't know you too!

Roussette · 02/12/2019 12:52

And I have got to say if you all think her actions are acceptable behaviour I am so glad I don’t know any of you!!

Likewise.

You are being ridiculous. Your sister has just had a baby, cut her a bit of slack FFS.

When I first clicked on this thread, I thought it was going to be something serious to do with a falling out. It's a nothing, an absolute nothing. If this had happened to me, I would think.... OK, you didn't want the dress, no big deal, it was a gift and you can do with it what you want.

How in god's name you can be so hurt and angry over this is beyond me.