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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So angry with my sister!

132 replies

Spacebound · 02/12/2019 11:18

Hi everyone,

I am just looking for a bit of advice please. My Niece was born in June this year and as a gift we bought her a lovely little dress, I have now just discovered that my sister has given the dress away to her friend as a gift for her newborn (tags still attached as though she has bought it new)!!

Now I fully understand that babies will grow out of clothes and they may eventually be passed on to friends/family after a few wears but i just cannot believe that someone could do something so horrible. Even if she had said to me, that dress you bought her doesn’t fit so we have swapped it for something else, I would be disappointed but it’s fine I understand things like that happen but to just pass off a gift bought by her Auntie & Uncle to mark her birth as something you have bought is just awful.

My sister and I don’t have the best relationship, everyone has to tread on eggshells with her all the time so as not to rock the boat as she is prone to just flipping out and causing murder within the family. In my parents eyes she can do no wrong and they won’t have a bad word said, although they no what she is like.

I just don’t know how to approach the situation, I am so hurt and angry I want her to know that I know what she has done but I don’t know how to go about it, any ideas?

Thanks x

OP posts:

Xyzzzzz · 02/12/2019 11:54

Babies grow really quick and it’s not always possible to put them in the things that are gifted. I’ve had to return/exchange even sell some things cause they couldn’t be worn

Fundays12 · 02/12/2019 11:55

Newborns grow so fast she probably never got the chance to put it on her. To be honest when I was expecting baby number 3 had he been a girl we would most likely have been inundated with girly dresses as I have 2 boys already. As my babies wear sleep suits most of the time when tiny it would have been such a waste of money. It was very nice of you but outfit on newborns are fuzzy and not always comfortable for them.

DappledThings · 02/12/2019 11:56

I gave away a few dresses we were given for DD because I think babies look ridiculous in them.

Much better that it's been able to go to someone who might use it than had the tags off, put on for one photo for you and then ignored.

Lauren83 · 02/12/2019 11:57

I had loads of new baby gifts that went unused/unworn that I either gave away or sold to use the money to buy more suitable clothing, people bought newborn jeans and dungarees, shirts with bow ties etc and whilst we were obviously grateful they just weren't suitable so he would never wear them, I think it's fine she re gifted it and like said it's not really practical a newborn dress and if it isn't to her taste you can't expect her to use it

Genevieva · 02/12/2019 11:57

I see no point in bringing it up, but lesson learnt. In future, make sure all gifts are personalised with the little girl's name until she is old enough to receive the gift from you herself and take ownership of it so that it can't be given away.

sugarbum · 02/12/2019 11:58

I know you didn't ask if you were being unreasonable, but you are. Clothes don't get worn. I wouldn't have ever put a newborn in a dress no matter how cute. Would it have been better if she'd removed the tags?
You've clearly got massive issues with your sister. I'd work on sorting that out.

DioneTheDiabolist · 02/12/2019 11:59

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g, I have globetrotting, very sylish, gay uncles who do this all the time. Dont even get me started on the tweed suit complete with bow tie and cap ensemble.

KatharinaRosalie · 02/12/2019 12:00

Massive over-reaction. If it was such a lovely dress, she probably simply didn't have any suitable occasions for the baby to wear it (and dresses on newborns are a pain anyway). So she re-gifted it. I had a ton of clothes that DC didn't get to wear, because they grew out of them - of course I re-gifted them, was I supposed to frame them or something?
.

Kitty2020 · 02/12/2019 12:01

*but to just pass off a gift bought by her Auntie & Uncle to mark her birth as something you have bought is just awful.

I just don’t know how to approach the situation, I am so hurt and angry I want her to know that I know what she has done but I don’t know how to go about it, any ideas?

Thanks x*

You sound v bitter. Is this the first GC? Sounds like loads of negative dynamics in your family. There is nothing you can say or do in this situation without sounding unhinged, jealous or a joy sponge at this amazing time for your family.

Say and do nothing to them. Keep your distance and emotionally detach if you are troubled. Maybe do some reading to understand the family dynamics and what you can do about it (heads-up: you can only change the dynamic by changing how you interact)

TheMustressMhor · 02/12/2019 12:02

I'm guessing that you are hurt that your sister didn't seem to appreciate the gift you bought for your niece, but really - it makes more sense to give it to someone else (or a charity shop) and I'm sure you weren't expecting your sister to keep the dress.

Were you? If you were, just think how many garments a baby will get through in the first year alone - nobody could keep them all. You'd run out of storage space for one thing.

Hithere2 · 02/12/2019 12:03

Yabvvvvvu unless it is a dress she requested you to buy and had special meaning to her.

Once a gift is being given, it is out of your hands what happens to it or how it is used.
Otherwise, it is called gift with strings attached

Have you ever had a child? The first months if not first year is a blur, you just do what's best minute by minute without much planning ahead.

I think the dress meant more to you than to her. She had other priorities rather than the dress and your wishes for it- rightfully

I agree with pp this is not about the dress, but about the relationship with your sister and the family.

KatherineJaneway · 02/12/2019 12:04

If you know she'll go nuclear, there is not point raising the issue. She's done it now and I doubt she'll feel any remorse.

Either she didn't like the dress or thought she'd regift to make herself look good or save a few quid.

Original poster

Spacebound · 02/12/2019 12:08

Wow!!! Really not until you come onto sites like this you realise how nasty people can be. Thanks very much for your helpful advice everyone, really appreciate it.

And I have got to say if you all think her actions are acceptable behaviour I am so glad I don’t know any of you!!

OP posts:

bluebluezoo · 02/12/2019 12:09

I gave away or returned 99% of clothes gifts for my newborns.

I did feel bad, but I had no use for any of it. Everyone thinks the little pink dress they bought is super-cute and special but in with the other 15 little pink dresses, pink jeans, pink t shirts, pink tights, pink shoes, pink hats, pink blankets, not so much.

I dressed mine pretty much exclusively in vests and babygros until 6 months. Then there was the absolute sea of pink. I don't like pink particularly, especially not in that volume!!

Plus, Sorry to say, but clothes aren't really special and don't "mark the birth". They may wear it once or twice, then it's passed on or given to charity. The only gifts I have that I was bough post birth are things like trinket boxes, a steiff bear each, the "collectibles" rather than disposable stuff.

Loveislandaddict · 02/12/2019 12:11

I can understand that you feel a little hurt that your gift was so casually thought of, and that she pretended the gift was especially brought for the new baby.

I guessed if the dress was just passed-on, that wouldn’t be so bad, but the fact that she pretended it was specially purchased cheapens your effort and undervalues it.

WorraLiberty · 02/12/2019 12:12

She didn't like the dress

You don't sound particularly approachable

Your sister tends to 'flip out'

You sound extremely similar

This is probably why she gave it away, rather than tell you she doesn't like it.

OllyBJolly · 02/12/2019 12:14

And I have got to say if you all think her actions are acceptable behaviour I am so glad I don’t know any of you!!

You're being ridiculous.

Next time tell her to put any presents from you in a glass case.

PurpleFrames · 02/12/2019 12:14

Disagreement is not the same as being nasty. You have to accept the vast majority of people disagree with you.

If you're this much of a drama queen, acting like she's slapped you or something, I'm glad I don't know you either!

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 02/12/2019 12:19

I think if I got my sister a gift to mark the birth of my niece and she gave it away unused then I would be a little hurt. I'd have hoped for an "Aww, that's lovely, thank you" and a photo at least, and after that I would have understood perfectly if she gave it away because practically it would have exhausted its usefulness.

I suspect the OP is more upset about the perceived lack of fucks given by her sister than anything else. Sorry OP.

Hydrogenbeatsoxygen · 02/12/2019 12:20

Just leave it @Spacebound, life is too short to get wound up by this.

TheMustressMhor · 02/12/2019 12:20

@Spacebound

Really not until you come onto sites like this you realise how nasty people can be

I truly do not think that PP have been nasty, OP.

I don't think you have a baby? Is that right? You do not seem to be able to grasp that a newborn baby's entire wardrobe has to be given away somewhere, within about four weeks.

Nobody (apart from the Royal Family) would have the space to store all the clothes their babies get through.

I think you're kind of missing the point.

What did you want your sister to do with the dress, if the baby wasn't going to wear it?

Keep it forever, because you gave it to her? I don't think you're being reasonable.

onalongsabbatical · 02/12/2019 12:20

@Spacebound she's a new mum, can you really not cut her some slack or do you hate her as much as you seem to?

Luckingfovely · 02/12/2019 12:20

Not one person had been nasty to you.

You came on here and asked a question, and then didn't like the overwhelming response that you are over-reacting.

The fact that you say she is prone to flipping out - and then respond as you just did to all the advice - is very, very, very funny indeed

If I could offer some advice that might help you - try to calm down, read this thread again with an open mind, and try to develop some self-awareness.

Everyone here is not out to get you, they are being honest. Once you accept that, you might be able to see other points of view apart from your own.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 02/12/2019 12:20

You gave it as a gift for her to use. She chose to use it by giving it as a gift to her friend. I don’t see the problem. She obviously thought it was nice enough to use as a gift for her friend so all is well. It’s a silly thing to get so upset over.

beingchampion · 02/12/2019 12:20

And I have got to say if you all think her actions are acceptable behaviour I am so glad I don’t know any of you!!

When everyone disagrees with you, it's usually because you're behaviour or reaction or thoughts on the subject are not the norm. Be as hurt and angry as you want, you clearly don't accept that it isn't the 'normal' response, but I really wouldn't throw a tantrum about it to your sister - just save that for here

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