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Original poster

So angry with my sister!

132 replies

Spacebound · 02/12/2019 11:18

Hi everyone,

I am just looking for a bit of advice please. My Niece was born in June this year and as a gift we bought her a lovely little dress, I have now just discovered that my sister has given the dress away to her friend as a gift for her newborn (tags still attached as though she has bought it new)!!

Now I fully understand that babies will grow out of clothes and they may eventually be passed on to friends/family after a few wears but i just cannot believe that someone could do something so horrible. Even if she had said to me, that dress you bought her doesn’t fit so we have swapped it for something else, I would be disappointed but it’s fine I understand things like that happen but to just pass off a gift bought by her Auntie & Uncle to mark her birth as something you have bought is just awful.

My sister and I don’t have the best relationship, everyone has to tread on eggshells with her all the time so as not to rock the boat as she is prone to just flipping out and causing murder within the family. In my parents eyes she can do no wrong and they won’t have a bad word said, although they no what she is like.

I just don’t know how to approach the situation, I am so hurt and angry I want her to know that I know what she has done but I don’t know how to go about it, any ideas?

Thanks x

OP posts:

TheOrigFV45 · 02/12/2019 13:49

But it is 'just clothes'. What is it if it isn't 'clothes'?

My late Mum knitted my son many tiny jumpers and cardigans. They are not 'just clothes', but treasured keepsakes that have been worn by other children in the family and will be kept.

Likewise, the little outfit I got for my first-born niece, was also worn by her 2 younger sisters.

Christening gowns go down families. Clothes are not all equal and to me something bought for my child by someone in my family is different to say a pack of sleepsuits bought by my work colleagues.

DefinatelyAWeeGobshite · 02/12/2019 13:51

Sorry OP YABU.

The sheer amount of clothes we received when my kids were born was ridiculous. I ended up giving bags of brand new clothes, tags still on, to a guy in my area who sends the clothes on to health visitors in the area who then pass it on to families who need them.

If you wanted to mark the birth wouldn’t it have been better to buy a gift that could be kept for years to come?

I suppose it might be down to your sisters taste too, my kids wore vests, baby grows and soft clothes for at least the first year, no dresses/jeans etc

Derbee · 02/12/2019 13:53

I just don’t know how to approach the situation, I am so hurt and angry I want her to know that I know what she has done but I don’t know how to go about it, any ideas?

Tell her everything you’ve said here, so she knows she’s best off massively limiting contact with you because you over react to everything.

And don’t buy newborns stupid and impractical clothes in future?

VividImagination · 02/12/2019 13:59

I got so many outfits when ds1 was born we wouldn’t have got through them all if he only wore each one once. With ds2 I returned lots of things to the shops and got larger sizes which ds1 could wear first before ds2 grew into them. We gave away 5 black bin bags of 0-6 months clothes after Ds3 had outgrown them - many unused - the recipient had twins and I doubt she got through them all.

I’m sure this Is more about your relationship with your sister generally but I don’t think she has done anything wrong here.

Hithere2 · 02/12/2019 14:02

We have consignment sales for children's clothes twice a year. I looove them. I live in the US so not sure if it is a thing in the UK.

The amount of clothes per age highly varies:

Newborn and 0-3: huge amounts of clothes with tags or looking like new. Formal clothing is very common.

By far, the section with the most amount of clothes available, used or new.

3-6: the clothes look less new and more wear and tear, less amount of them.

Less formal clothing than newborn

6-9: wear and tear is evident and formal clothing is scarce.

Not as many clothes offered in this age bracket

You get the drift. When you reach 4 years old section, very little clothing with tags and formal wear. Lots of clothing with famous characters, Halloween costumes, etc. Some clothes have mild stains and little holes - nothing wrong with it.

MsRomanoff · 02/12/2019 14:03

My late Mum knitted my son many tiny jumpers and cardigans. They are not 'just clothes', but treasured keepsakes that have been worn by other children in the family and will be kept.

Firstly, I am sorry for your loss.

But theres a huge difference between that cardigan and a dress bought in a shop that the baby didnt even wear.

Celebelly · 02/12/2019 14:05

Honestly, we got a few dresses for our DD that she never wore. We don't dress her in dresses and particularly as a newborn, we just dressed her in comfy stuff which was basically all in ones and vests for quite a while. Thankfully people seem to have got the hint now that we don't put in her in dresses so we don't get any now!

Celebelly · 02/12/2019 14:07

Also the one time I did put her in a dress that someone had given us, she shat all over it before I could get a picture.

Roussette · 02/12/2019 14:09

My late Mum knitted my son many tiny jumpers and cardigans. They are not 'just clothes', but treasured keepsakes that have been worn by other children in the family and will be kept

That is totally different. My DM made my two DDs smocked christening dresses, I have kept them, my 3 DCs are now adults, they are very special dresses because the effort that went into making them. It's a bit different to a dress bought from a shop by a sister who doesn't get on with you.

Celebelly · 02/12/2019 14:10

All of this is to say that when buying for a baby in the future, newborn clothes, especially stuff like dresses, are generally a waste of money unless you're specifically asked. The best stuff we got, aside from the handmade stuff which is obviously completely different, was stuff for 6 months + because by then she was wearing proper outfits, not having poonamis every day, and wasn't growing quite as fast as those early weeks.

Your sister could have returned it to the shop I suppose, but I'm not sure you would have liked that much more either by the tone of your post.

ExpectingToFly · 02/12/2019 14:11

When one of my first friends had a baby and before I had had any. I gave her some baby flip flops I mean WTAF was I thinking! I had no idea I just thought they looked cute. Everytime I think about it I cringe and laugh!

FrostyPopThePenguinLord · 02/12/2019 14:11

It might not have been to her personal taste. I was gifted lots of clothes for my daughter when she was born so I was lucky I had a selection. But if there was something I didn’t like I would put it in the box we keep for the charity shop or given it to someone who would have used it. It’s just wasteful to keep brand new items you have no intention of using, they will just get musty and out of date tucked away in the attic.

However I can see why you are upset if she gifted it on and made a big deal about her having purchased this amazing dress specially.
I think maybe your emotional attachment to this dress is greater than your sisters and maybe she didn’t understand the significance of the gift in your eyes.
Another possibility is that she adored the dress so much she purchased an identical one for a gift.

3luckystars · 02/12/2019 14:12

The dress obviously meant a lot to you, but maybe she didn't realise the value you had on it.

Is there any reason this dress meant so much to you?

Russell19 · 02/12/2019 14:13

I understand OP. SIL bought my baby a lovely outfit, only worn once and I haven't got the heart to get rid of it

Aridane · 02/12/2019 14:16

I would be disappointed too, OP. In my family we are close enough that if a gift we're not suitable / would not be used, we would gently sound out the other person to see if it could be exchanged (which I guess doesn't work if you are in a perpetual cycle of regifting)

Maybe next time if you still want to get a present, enclose the receipt in A little envelope so sister can exchange rather than regifting

MaryMcCarthy · 02/12/2019 14:21

If you're hurt and angry over this then I'd suggest it's you that people have to walk on eggshells around. You're being unreasonable and self important.

Read the replies here and consider how uncalled for your anger is.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 02/12/2019 14:22

My mother turned up at the hospital when DD was born with a 9-12 months coat. She never wore it because it wasn't suitable for the season when she was the right age. It went to a charity shop, I certainly didn't see it as having sentimental value instead, it pissed me off that she couldn't come up with something more suitable to mark the birth of her first grandchild, but that's another thread.

ballsdeep · 02/12/2019 14:23

Totally over reacting. Maybe she didn't like it

Molly2010 · 02/12/2019 14:24

YANBU.
When it was Easter one of my family members was too young for chocolate so I brought him a personalised book about Easter with his name in it.
His mum opened it, tossed it to one side and said ‘oh he’s got loads of books’.
I was literally opened mouthed.
I’m sure the mother was pissed she couldn’t sell it on because it was personalised. This is going by past behaviour.
I don’t bother anymore.
I’m sorry I don’t have constructive advice, but understand why you are feeling pissed off.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 02/12/2019 14:26

Your biggest mistake OP was not varnishing the dress and putting it in a display case.

joystir59 · 02/12/2019 14:28

It. Is. A. Baby. Dress!!! Not worth damaging a relationship over. Really.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/12/2019 14:35

It sounds as if you attributed a lot of emotion to the dress. Your sister has recently had a baby. She will not have had the head space to think about attributing a lot of emotion to anything beyond her baby.

You don’t get on with your sister and have decided to look at her actions through a distorted lens. If you set this kind of tone in your relationship with your sister, you’ll never get along.

shiningstar2 · 02/12/2019 14:46

I can understand that if you took time and trouble to choose the dress and wanted your ds to really like it, then it is a bit hurtful to hear that it has been passed on unused to someone else. Especially as you say you are not precious about that particular dress and would been quite happy for your sister to exchange it for something else.
However, as others have said babies get so much these days and a new mother with too much for her own baby, and maybe a bit broke on maternity leave, might choose a lovely item from her own gifts as a present for another baby rather than spend money which is in sort supply.
I would be more concerned about how you found out about this regifting and hope someone hasn't told you just to cause trouble between you and your sister.

BlouseAndSkirt · 02/12/2019 14:49

OP, you bought the dress because you loved it, but....
Dresses aren't the best clothes for newborns. She may have kept it for best but not used it til it was outgrown.
She may have had so many lovely clothes that she just didn't get round to using them all.

I really don't think it is 'personal' that she has done this.

I can see you would be a bit put out, but honestly I think you are over-reacting.

Maybe you should both chill out...it sounds as if she walks on eggshells around you, too!

Collision · 02/12/2019 14:52

((OP has left the group))

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