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Original poster

So angry with my sister!

132 replies

Spacebound · 02/12/2019 11:18

Hi everyone,

I am just looking for a bit of advice please. My Niece was born in June this year and as a gift we bought her a lovely little dress, I have now just discovered that my sister has given the dress away to her friend as a gift for her newborn (tags still attached as though she has bought it new)!!

Now I fully understand that babies will grow out of clothes and they may eventually be passed on to friends/family after a few wears but i just cannot believe that someone could do something so horrible. Even if she had said to me, that dress you bought her doesn’t fit so we have swapped it for something else, I would be disappointed but it’s fine I understand things like that happen but to just pass off a gift bought by her Auntie & Uncle to mark her birth as something you have bought is just awful.

My sister and I don’t have the best relationship, everyone has to tread on eggshells with her all the time so as not to rock the boat as she is prone to just flipping out and causing murder within the family. In my parents eyes she can do no wrong and they won’t have a bad word said, although they no what she is like.

I just don’t know how to approach the situation, I am so hurt and angry I want her to know that I know what she has done but I don’t know how to go about it, any ideas?

Thanks x

OP posts:
RhymingRabbit3 · 02/12/2019 12:53

P.S. those people saying "only the royal family have enough space to keep all their kids clothes" - I've kept all of DDs baby clothes for when we have another baby. We live in a normal 3 bed terraced house. Baby clothes are tiny and they really dont take up that much space! And yes I do remember who bought us each item. Maybe you just have to many clothes Grin

newnameforthis76 · 02/12/2019 12:53

It was a dress. It wasn't a keepsake, or a piece of jewellery, or a special toy. I'm sure it was a lovely dress, but an item of clothing doesn't have sentimental value. I would fully expect any parent to give away or sell baby clothes if they can't use them.

Perhaps your sister didn't think it was practical, or it didn't fit, or there was no opportunity for her baby to wear it while it was still the right size, or it just wasn't to her taste. In those circumstances, it's totally reasonable that she gave it to someone else.

Newborns fit their clothes for a matter of weeks before they grow out of them, and there are limited occasions on which a baby can wear a dress - they're mostly in babygros and things on a daily basis when they're really tiny. If your niece didn't have a chance to wear the dress, what would you expect your sister to do with it? Keep it forever? Frame it? I don't understand what the issue is here at all, sorry.

I assume there is something else going on here because the dress alone is absolutely nothing to warrant your reaction.

Hithere2 · 02/12/2019 12:54

OP,

We do not walk on eggshells around you so we tell politely you what we think.

Are you sure your sister is the only difficult sister in the family?

PurpleDaisies · 02/12/2019 12:54

I've kept all of DDs baby clothes for when we have another baby.

What if the sister isn’t planning any more?

It isn’t usual to keep every piece of clothing as a memento.

Kanga83 · 02/12/2019 12:54

YABVU. Clothes do not mark the birth- apart from perhaps a going home outfit chosen by the parents (my first was a NICU baby so her first babygrow home is precious to me). I have regifted lots of items with tags on either bought for me or bought myself. No big issue whatsoever.

Lunde · 02/12/2019 12:55

Newborn outfits tend to only fit for 2-4 weeks max!

Babies tend to spend most of their time in sleepsuits that are more practical and comfortable for a tiny baby who sleeps for 18 hours a day. I doubt if my dds wore a dress more than once or twice a month in the early weeks.

A friend of mine was given 34 newborn pink dresses - of course she gave some away!

Morporkia · 02/12/2019 12:55

I posted earlier about keeping a dress for a special occasion and then being too small, but what I forgot to add is that babies tend to puke, pee and shit on EVERYTHING they wear/are near/people who hold them.
I think your issues are much deeper than hurt at “your”dress not being worn. This anger you have seem disproportionate to the issue and please do not accuse me of being horrible to you, I’m really not. I’m just explaining what babies do. They are messy little baggage’s of fluid. If you wanted your niece to wear what you had bought her you should have got some sleepsuits or babygrows. Like I said before practical, not pretty!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 02/12/2019 12:56

OP you're fantastic Grin

diddl · 02/12/2019 13:02

I agree there could be lots of reasons.

Didn't like it, saving it & then it was too small, forgot it even!

Why look for offence?

It was just an item of clothing!

Lobsterquadrille2 · 02/12/2019 13:03

Buying clothes for newborns can be really tricky if you have different taste and style. When DD was born, someone in my family sent me a pair of baby Ugg boots. I have never liked or owned Uggs and was living on a small island with a tropical climate. However, I wrote a thank card and passed on the boots to someone more "designer" than I am, who lived in a colder country 😀.

ScreamingLadySutch · 02/12/2019 13:10

OP, so sorry for your hurt. Your gift got chucked away like it meant nothing. But that is her: if you wait for your sister to appreciate you for who you are, you will be waiting for eternity.

You know what she is like. "Radical Acceptance' by Brene Brown. Then, just be very thankful you are not her, and pray for that poor baby who will be depending on her for love and stability. Try and be a good auntie.

So angry with my sister!
IreneWinters · 02/12/2019 13:11

The dress will probably be regifted another three or four times before it gets worn once and then sent to a charity shop. Maybe if the op has a baby in the near future, she’ll get the dress back, tags still attached.

mistydayswampwitch · 02/12/2019 13:13

ScreamingLafySutch - 😂

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 02/12/2019 13:13

Blimey Op, get a grip, it was just a dress which is not the most practical or comfortable outfit for a newborn, something that plenty of posters have kindly and patiently explained to you. The only one being rude on this thread is you.

bevelino · 02/12/2019 13:13

@GoatCheeseTart Grin Grin

areyouafraidofthedark · 02/12/2019 13:13

Bloody hell dramatic much. If strangers on the internet can see how silly your being can't imagine what your sister thinks. Glad I don't know you either OP, probably the victim in most things in life!

JasonPollack · 02/12/2019 13:14

Were you expecting her to frame it? That's very self absorbed. If it was first size it may of never fitted her anyway, or for about a week where your sister was far too busy getting the hang of motherhood to be playing dress up. Do you have kids op? I bet you don't.

MsRomanoff · 02/12/2019 13:16

@ScreamingLadySutch is that sarcasm.

I am kind of worried that's a genuine post.

BumpkinSpiceBatty · 02/12/2019 13:19

wow. Speechless on this one!

Topseyt · 02/12/2019 13:24

It really is a total non-issue. Newborns grow incredibly fast, and if you bought a newborn sized dress it probably wouldn't have fitted beyond the first three or four weeks.

You talk about having bought the dress to "mark the birth" as though it was some kind of special formal outfit that the baby must wear to mark this special occasion. Such outfits would be incredibly impractical for babies. Practicality is the watchword. Newborns puke, poo and piss all over their clothes, often many times a day and need multiple changes.

Some nice, practical babygros in something like the 3 - 6 month age range would have been much more likely to have been used.

Your sister gave the dress away. So what!? Once you had gifted it then it was hers to do as she wished with. I've no idea what happened to the stuff my own sister and I gave to each other when our respective children were born and couldn't give a shit to be honest.

Did you expect your sister to put the dress in a picture frame and hang it on the wall with a caption beneath it saying who bought it and when?

AcrossthePond55 · 02/12/2019 13:27

@Spacebound I don't think this is about a dress at all. It's about Sister being the 'golden child' who is allowed to pitch hissy fits and is catered to, isn't it? About always being told not to upset her because 'you know how she is'.

If you're looking for an excuse to go NC with her or to stop playing your part in the need to placate her, you don't need one. Just do it.

Butchyrestingface · 02/12/2019 13:37

Even if she had said to me, that dress you bought her doesn’t fit so we have swapped it for something else, I would be disappointed but it’s fine

Whyyyyyyy would you have been “disappointed but fine” had your sister swapped an outfit that didn’t FIT for one that did?

Your follow up post makes you look like the touchy, temperamental one, not your sister.

TheOrigFV45 · 02/12/2019 13:41

OP, I would have been upset if I had found my sister had given away a carefully chosen gift for my niece.
To me, a gift from a sister isn't 'just clothes'.

Roussette · 02/12/2019 13:45

But it is 'just clothes'. What is it if it isn't 'clothes'?

So because the gift was from a sister (who it sounds like you're not close to) it is more special than, say, a gift from a very close friend and even if it doesn't fit/isn't suitable/you don't like it... you have to pretend you do because it is more than 'just clothes'?

Halo1234 · 02/12/2019 13:47

The thing is....its maybe not as intentional as u think. My mil has bought my dd lots of lovely expensive dresses. I liked them and intended to wear them but they arent for day to day. Then they get out grown quicker than u think and are just collecting dust in the wardrobe and not being any use to anyone and making u feel guilty for not getting the wear out of them. It's too hurtful to say to the person see that money u spend on the beautiful dresses it was a waste. So u pass them on so a baby can use them and they arent totally wasted.

Your relationship with your sister is more important than any dress. Dont let it come between u. She had a new baby and never got round to using it so did the next best thing. Dont take it personally