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Original poster

Now ExH’s new DP doesn’t want any of DD’s baubles on their Christmas tree

649 replies

Lollypalooza · 01/12/2019 13:50

I posted a couple of weeks ago about how my ExH’s DP had apparently said she’s “uncomfortable” with he and I texting about anything not related to DD.

Thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3749751-Exh-s-dp-doesn-t-want-me-to-text-about-anything-other-than-DD?pg=1&order=

but just for background- we were together ten years, been separated three years, amicably. Five year old DD. Both in new relationships. He lives with his new partner, they’ve lived together less than a year (i.e. this will be the first Christmas they live together).

Yesterday I saw him to swap DD over. Brief conversation about plans etc and we got onto the topic of putting Christmas tree up. He said they were doing their this weekend, I said we’d probably do it next weekend. I said that when I get the decorations down from the loft DD could choose some of her baubles to bring over to his place and put on the tree there- she has lots, including bought ones with her name on, ones in the shape of her first initial, ones she’s made such as salt dough, as well as general ones, Santa and so on. He agreed that would be nice.

I sort of forgot about it but today received a text from him- “I told DP about the baubles and she’s not keen”. It took me a sec to realise what he meant- she doesn’t want DD to bring any of her baubles over to put on their tree. I replied “That’s a shame as DD does live there too and I’m sure she’s like to have some of her own decorations there”. He replied “I agree with you but it’s caused an argument so I’d rather just leave it”. I just replied “ok”.

Caused an argument? Over a 5yo girl putting decorations on a tree? Sad

OP posts:
saraclara · 01/12/2019 20:52

Next day text conversation
Him: I mentioned to DP about the baubles.
Me: what baubles?
Him: she isn’t keen
Me: oh I see what you mean, that’s a shame as I’m sure DD would’ve liked putting some of hers on your tree.
Him: I agree with you and it’s caused an argument so to be honest I’d rather just leave it.
Me: ok

So why the OP? That sounds a very ordinary conversation, and if the baubles were as big a deal as you were making out in the first half of this thread, how come you didn't even recall what he was talking about when he opened the conversation?

Cantsleeppast3am · 01/12/2019 20:53

Yes I am! What's the harm in a kid putting a fucking bauble on a tree in her dad's house, not rtft but it's yet another take where a blended family just isn't worth the hassle.

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/12/2019 20:53

Shes going to say that because thats what it says Grin

Whiskeylover45 · 01/12/2019 20:53

Having read all previous messages I do get your point OP. I say this as a step mum and a birth mum. If DSDs mum came to me with this idea I would jump on it, as it seems lovely. But my tree is colour/item explosion. I can understand if someone wasnt that way inclined they would say no, but it is such a nice idea for you DD that I'm sure they could hang them up on the wall if not the tree, if they have severe tree disorder. So yes YANBU

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/12/2019 20:53

cantsleep the bauble had sweet fa to do with the child. Its what op wanted...

Cuppachino · 01/12/2019 20:54

This isnt being more welcoming. This is her trying to push herself and what she wants into their life

Oh wow🤣😂🤣. You're just making stuff up.

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/12/2019 20:55

Im really not making stuff up. Op has said she would happily send baby stuff round. Weird.

Cuppachino · 01/12/2019 20:56

When theres actual victims of this shit telling you exactly how someone constantly making their presence known (I've got a restraining order on another ex for it. But no kids for that one to hide behind) I think that holds a bit more weight

Fucking hell the projection on this thread is shocking. Shameful.

Besidesthepoint · 01/12/2019 20:56

It sounds like you are confused about the messages they are sending. She wants you to be civil to HER. She is uncomfortable with the level of private texting between you and HIM. He has told you this, he has agreed -at least formally- to have a more business like relationship with you. You might agree, or not, but just agreeing with every poster that says it's her problem isn't helping tge situation for your daughter. There have been many comments from people who understand tge DP's point of view. It would be best for the future to stay civil and business like. You don't have to agree with her or their family way of doing things, you only have to find a way for your daughter to not be caught in cross fires.

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/12/2019 20:56

You mean the projection where a sms crimbo decs reflect how she feels about her step child? That projection?

Cuppachino · 01/12/2019 20:57

Im really not making stuff up. Op has said she would happily send baby stuff round. Weird

No she bloody didn't and you know it. Liar. Someone else posted that and OP only replied to it.

Original poster
Lollypalooza · 01/12/2019 20:57

Bollykecks If they wanted it! Why is that weird? He is her Dad!

OP posts:
hsegfiugseskufh · 01/12/2019 20:57

You didnt say if they wanted it!

user1479305498 · 01/12/2019 20:58

Ok the issue might not be about a ‘coordinated tree ‘ then , but the ex’s partner clearly has a bee in her bonnet about some of the 5 year olds baubles being on the tree. So regardless of if she sees it as’her’ tree or she does have a ‘coordination issue’, It’s a truly pathetic thing for the ex’s new partner to make a hoo ha over(her ex said they had a row about it) and personally to me sounds pretty much control freak territory and I am naturally very easy going but I wouldn’t like this either if I was the OP

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/12/2019 20:58

Liar?

She literally replied saying she would Confused

doritosdip · 01/12/2019 20:58

Where does this idea of "much loved" baubles for a 5 year old come from? Do some of you live in the little house on the prairie?

My kids have a favourite bauble. I was more surprised by the idea that op was overrun with her DD's baubles (plural) and that they were personalized

Besidesthepoint · 01/12/2019 20:58

Bollykecks If they wanted it! Why is that weird? He is her Dad!

Have they asked for them? If not, don't offer them.

whatthehelldowecare · 01/12/2019 20:59

We have a separate tree upstairs that I put all the tacky/awful sentimental handmade decorations my dsd makes 😂

Original poster
Lollypalooza · 01/12/2019 20:59

Omg, I’m not going to offer them?! I didn’t bring up this baby clothes business!

OP posts:
hsegfiugseskufh · 01/12/2019 20:59

user ever thought the issue might be that uts what the ex wife wants rather than the dd?

Cuppachino · 01/12/2019 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

doritosdip · 01/12/2019 21:01

User - if the gf didn't have personalized baubles for her DDs then she'd have to order some for them to make it fair. OP mentioned being overrun with baubles so the gf might have to source multiple personalized baubles and change her Xmas tree to match OP's household which is madness

emilybrontescorsett · 01/12/2019 21:02

I don't think this is anything to get worked up about.
It's the girlfriends house, it's not for you to be saying what goes on her tree.
I would not have dreamed of sending my dcs round to their dad's girlfriends house with decorations.

hsegfiugseskufh · 01/12/2019 21:04

cup ok well she still did say it and has confirmed saying it since. So...

MrsFoxPlus4Again · 01/12/2019 21:05

Your overthinking it and making scenarios up in your head. Let it go.