Dating Thread 175 - It's not you, it's them. Also: people are weird at Christmas time.

[MoreNiceCereal]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@novicedater I chatted to someone daily for 6 weeks finally met up and he then wanted to meet in another 6 😂

@Jane1978xx people are so odd!!

In the end I said I’m not gojng to message you any more unless you get to a point where you want to date 🤷🏼‍♀️. And he said I was mean 😂😂

@Jane1978xx 😂 wtf is with all these weird men??

I'm honestly giving up hope 😂

I’ve found a nicer one now 😏. Anyone who has a profile saying no drama or I’m a nice guy is obviously the opposite

@Jane1978xx yes I love stuff like that on profiles 😂 and the barely disguised anger and aggression. Earlier tonight I saw 'My kids are my world, if you've got a problem with that swipe left and don't waste my time'. Who swiped right after reading rubbish like that?

Yes or no time waisters or sluts 😂😂.

OMG have you seen them actually say sluts 😂😂😂

It's the really dirty ones too that get me, I guess there must be a certain type of woman who goes for that though 😂

Yes no sluts or one night stands. I’ve seen women’s profiles as well (women looking for men) in underwear and odd poses.

Yeah I've seen some of the women's profiles too- just as bad as the men tbf

Haha so many odd balls available.

I also hate “does nobody chat on here” just makes me assume they are really boring to chat to!

For some unknown reason, I got talking with a guy once who was a weirdo - he was on Tinder looking for platonic friendships, and why did women flirt so much, etc. Then he changed his profile pic to a topless bathroom selfie. Eh? Yeah I stopped talking to him. 🙄

Mr G is booking his flight over here tomorrow!! It'll be between Christmas and New Year, I think. That will make it almost two months since we've seen each other in person, omg.

Here's another good one, from a 25 year old on tinder-

' Looking for a sugar mummy, being able to actually express milk is a bonus'.

Blleeeuuurgh. 🤢

And @MoreNiceCereal that's fantastic, you must be so excited!

I don’t think my life is ever without complications. Mr Gray has had a serious family issue come up that’s gojng to take uk a lot of his time and also be v stressful I would imagine. So I am not sure what is happening , so after telling me I can’t exactly say still up for a sh@g next week 🤷🏼‍♀️. I just said I’m here if you need me. And I’ll leave contacting him for a bit and check in on him maybe.

@Jane1978xx sorry to hear that. God it is so, so hard isn't it. That uncertainty is a horrible feeling and really disappointing.

I blame OLD for making it all so much harder than it used to be.

Yeah it is , I don’t know him well enough too be there so I’ll just check in on him.

Yes if I knew him through friends or work etc Would be easier to be there

@jane that's a shame....OLD is brutal.

Thanks, Time! I'm excited but ridiculously nervous as well, which is silly because we've been together enough to know it'll be fine. We've spent more time apart than together but it's given us the chance to get to know each other better which has its merits.

Deep down I know it's kind of a ridiculous situation, there are a lot of complications to us actually having a long term relationship but I'm not dwelling on that. Life is short, and we have something really nice together, so I'm going with it.

Jane, I'm sorry to hear this - I hope his situation resolved soon for everyone's sake.

jane you never know, a shag next Wednesday may be just what he needs! I hope things work out 💐

@MoreNiceCereal those nerves will go as soon as you see him. I'd feel the same though!

And so what if it's a ridiculous situation? If you are both on board with it, both happy with it then why does it matter? Do you anticipate it causing problems in the future or can you both work with the situation?

Definitely agree with life is too short. I wish I'd told FWB how I felt about him sooner. Ironically, in the past I was much more heart on my sleeve with things but for some reason I wasn't with him. I guess I was scared of losing what I had with him.

I don't think honestly it would have made things different. I think he had discounted anything more with me because I have DC and because of the distance. But if I'd said earlier, you never know I guess. And if it hadn't gone the way I wanted, it would at least have been over sooner.

Anyway, Mr Hair is actually messaging a bit more now, so I'm keeping everything crossed we go on a date. God I hope it happens and I hope I like him.

Ah, you're right if course. We are both happy with it. Being apart is hard, but realistically, my life is so complicated right now that having him nearby wouldn't be good, I'd want to jump in too fast, etc. And he has his own reasons for wanting to go slow, he has two failed marriages under his belt and is understandably worried about making any further mistakes - he is a sole parent himself and his kids come first.

Being far apart is an advantage for both of us, really. In my mind I've gotten as far as possibly visiting him next summer, and I think it'll be workable up until then. He's coming up for work regularly in the upcoming months so that's good.

The only problem I have at the moment is the time difference and me losing sleep when we are up late chatting. I can't keep that up regularly, but I haven't told my DC about him yet so I wait until they are in bed anyway. It'll be easier when I'm ready to tell them.

There does seem to be a lot of advantages for you both in it so look to the positives with it. As long as you don't see there being a chance of yourself getting hurt then just go for it! And even then, none of us know what's round the corner. You may as well just enjoy yourself and hope it lasts as long as possible!

I don't know if anyone else on the thread is in a similar situation. My stbxh was emotionally abusive to me, to quite a frightening level. So now, I'm on a constant lookout for red flags and am really scared of meeting someone dangerous/abusive. Does anyone else worry about this? I want to enjoy myself but I am very cautious and don't want to go through the same again.

I felt safe with FWB too, it's sad to lose that.

Yes, I left an abusive marriage this year. I checked out emotionally many years ago, but stuck with it because of religious reasons. When things got bad enough that he hit me, I chucked him out and left my religion too.

I used dating as a way to assert my independence, and ended up in a relationship, which I hadn't planned on. I am constantly assessing how I feel, what he says, how he behaves. I'm learning as I go, which is the best way for me, really. I check in with friends, too, so I get an outsider's perspective. He had passed all checks so far. But yes, it's nerve-racking and I worry sometimes. I try to remind myself he's a completely different person to me ex, and I know myself better now, I won't get sucked into abusive patterns again.

I read stbx journal last night. I think he thinks i might actually be a back up option should he choose me. Need to disabuse him of that notion quicksmart.

Am halfheartedly swiping on bumble because if things go tits up with Mr Fast Work for whatever reason I want some irons already warmed up. I think they're fine but he's not a big messager and I am. We've booked in our next date. Said when, what time and chosen an activity so I guess in his head we're sorted. I really need to not be all needy here. Have archived the WA chat so I'm not tempted until he sends me one.

I feel like a fucking teenager.
I did a bit if asking about though as he works in the same (large) conpany as one of my friends. She had nothing but good things to say so that was nice reinforcement of my own judgement