Dating Thread 175 - It's not you, it's them. Also: people are weird at Christmas time.

[MoreNiceCereal]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Yes two primary aged x

@TimeTravellingDiamond It's really hard when one person feels more than the other. I was in that situation with Mr SAS a few months ago and he basically told me he can't have a relationship with me but if I wanted to 'keep in touch' and be 'fuck gig buddies' then he was up for that. I wanted more so I declined, deleted his messages and number and met Mr Ad a few days later.

Although I'm very happy with Mr Ad, I struggle this time of year too and I think it amplifies any slight sadness. I was the hugest Xmas fan - like little kid. Unfortunately though me and my exh got married at Xmas for this reason and also split 2 days after Xmas two years ago so I now have very painful memories associated with it and I want to cry at the things I used to love at this time of year. Hopefully that will get easier each year.

Hi all ... @TigerDater belated sympathy about your dear dog . And @TimeTravellingDiamond big hugs for you, but you sound like you are behaving with great dignity and self control. Hope you find someone hot soon - like @Jane1978xx ! Happy for you Jane ... nice to have a success story on here

I am getting very jaded with this ... have loads of irons but am not massively into any of them. Had 5 dates now. MrSexBloke ... was almost tempted into hookup but didn’t much like his personality, Mr Successful (boasted about younger ex), MrBoring (talked about himself for 90 minutes) and last night MrMedia who was funny in messages and nice to get on with and looked like his profile till he opened his mouth and just awful teeth and a bit of a high pitched voice. Oh dear. We had a good laugh but I could never, ever sleep with him. Trying to word a kind rejection message now. How can you say “You are nice but I could never fancy you” without it sounding cruel? Especially as he was very upfront about how he fancied me

Got a couple more lined up but might cancel. Am so busy before Christmas it just seems like more stress, and hate lying to DD about all these “work drinks”.

Mr Personality and I have put things on hold due to a (very genuine and unavoidable) reason of his. Not sure whether he will come back ... it is just the wrong time, he was being considerate not having me hang around. But he is the only one I’ve really liked . Suppose it proves I’m not dead inside as I had started to suspect, but at the moment can’t see it happening again. Shake me out of my apathy, people!

Aw and @Sunshineandflipflops I get sad at Christmas too. Ex was never that into it, remember one Xmas Eve after my mum died putting out Santa sacks, eating the mince pie and carrot and doing reindeer footprints alone while kids slept upstairs and he slept on the couch, miserable git, then weeping into Santa’s sherry looking at other people’s loved up family Facebook posts, and pasting on a brave face spending the next day with awful in laws. And yet this year he wants to spend Xmas Day with us instead of with his girlfriend and her family and I am dreading it. But these lacklustre dates are not making me hopeful of any Love Actually style improvements in future years (actually bad example, hate that film ). I think I need to come to terms with being alone.

@TimeTravellingDiamond. I think the only thing you can do is concentrate on making their Xmas amazing. Last year mine was awful but I had to her thru for my daughter. With crying and drinking gin in the bathroom in between 🤷🏼‍♀️

@UtterSocks I’m hoping it’s a success story depends if we make date 4 😂

I think dating apathy is perfectly normal this time of year, tbh. As my DC gleefully informed me in my bleary state this morning, there are only 20 days til Christmas! And the dead time between Christmas and New Year, too. I reckon it's a struggle for most people to fit dates in around other obligations. Or even want to date at all.

This is our first Christmas as a single parent family - I'm trying to let go of all expectations and just make life as easy as possible for myself. This includes frozen roast potatoes ....

How can you say “You are nice but I could never fancy you” without it sounding cruel? Especially as he was very upfront about how he fancied me

We are looking for different things 👌

@MoreNiceCereal. Our Xmas dinner will be an iceland special 😂.

@Sunshineandflipflops, @UtterSocks thankyou 💐

It's very hard because of how nice he was. And losing all the friendship. And what is sex going to be like with someone else- it was just so good with him etc.

I hope I'm behaving with plenty of dignity. No way will I be contacting him, trying to play some pick me game or being desperate to him about it. I told him in a really classy way how I feel. I've left him as a friend on Snapchat too, and not deleting his number. Is it really bad that I'm hoping if it doesn't work with this girl that he'll get back in touch 😩

I'm trying to move on in the meantime though.

I got Iceland delivery too! Though they didn't send the ham, so I had to actually go into a shop for that. But everything is in the freezer now, waiting. Easy.

I need to clear some fridge space and go iceland 😂

@UtterSocks Mr Ad gave me my very own Love Actually moment this year...

Oops...pic didn't load...

Oh, yes it did.

Christmas is hard for so many of us, I also spent much of last year in a tearful mess in my bedroom while trying to cook the dinner, make small talk to inlaws and trying not to shove the turkey baster up my ex's arse. This year I'll be focusing on making it the best Christmas ever for my dc.

@morenicecereal I'm having frozen roast potatoes and frozen yorkshire puddings. I know yorkshire puddings aren't traditional but I don't give a fuck, dc will love it and mil won't be around to judge my ready made non-traditional food. Without the inlaws or ex we won't be having brussel sprouts, bread sauce, cranberry sauce or her home made so-dry-it-chokes-you 'stuffing'.

@UtterSocks I'm with you on the loads of irons but just can't be arsed. I'm actually relieved when the messaging tails off. Plus still can't find anyone remotely near my age, they're all a good ten years younger at least.

Also I have no time anyway. Which is good. And won't change really after Xmas. I don't know why I'm swiping messaging really. My old FB who popped up is not living in London so he's a bit pointless. I'm visiting a very old friend next week for an overnighter. I used to really fancy him to the point of obsession about 25 years ago. He came to see me in London when I was still with Mr U and it was a bit of a watershed moment as after seeing him I decided that I really wanted to make a go of it with Mr U. We split up less than a week later. So I'm not sure if I fancy him or not. Or what's on the cards really. No idea if he fancies me or not. He turned me down point blank 25 years ago and I went out with his best friend. I'd like to say I feel excited at the prospect of going down but I just feel tired....

@StealthNinjaMum 💐 I hope you and your DC have a fabulous Christmas this year.

@MoreNiceCereal good to be prepared 👍 we are going to stock up the freezer soon too.

@Sunshineandflipflops that made me smile.

Ok. I'm going to try not to talk about him. Want to wipe my mind too! Let's move on to the irons.

There's Mr Local. Went on a few dates with him when FWB was on the scene. He's lovely but can he excite me like FWB? That's what I'm craving, I'm scared no one can.

Then there's Mr Posh. Who claims he isn't posh but so obviously is. I usually go for rough round the edges it seems so don't know how I'd manage!

Then there's Mr Valleys. Oops- matched another from round there. I'm a sucker for that accent.

Then Mr Mature. He's 37. Most of mine always seem to be early/mid twenties 😂

How can you say “You are nice but I could never fancy you” without it sounding cruel? Especially as he was very upfront about how he fancied me

It's not you, it's me.....or as Jane said, not looking for a relationship.

@TimeTravellingDiamond it's certainly hard when you just don't think anyone can live up to someone else...especially when it sounds he was good on all levels.

Well done for being clear about your feelings, but doing it with dignity xx

@sunshineandflipflops - brilliant!

@unambiguousbeard “I’d like to say I feel excited but I just feel tired” - yes, exactly that ...

Also a fan of frozen Yorkshire’s with Christmas dinner. Another reason not to have whining vegetarian ex here, he hates Xmas dinner and I am not cooking something separate for him, bastard. He’s ruined enough of my Christmas Days

Sorry for that random apostrophe. Bloody autocorrect. I’ve unmatched people for less 😂

@bangheadhere40 the thing that gives me hope is I thought this about my horrible neighbour who screwed me around again a couple of weeks ago again. Then FWB came along so it can change. Since doing OLD FWB is the person I've spent the most time around. Nearly 6 months in total. I'm so sad to lose the friendship. I even wish I could be happy just being his friend so I didn't have to lose him but I know I can't be his friend without having sex with him. I think he thinks the same.

I'm proud of how I dealt with it with him. I know he can only have positive thoughts of me after all our time- it was always good. I can't help but hope if it goes wrong with her he will be back in touch and realise how good he had it with me 😂 I know he thinks it in some ways.

Thanks @timetravellingdiamond I know I sound bitter but I'm really quite excited about giving the dc a good time. Like others have said you are acting with dignity. Don't feel like you have to shut up about him here because you're taking up too much space on the thread - only do it if you feel you need to for yourself.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 sorry only just saw your post. 💐 yes I'm totally put off FWB situations. Never again. I'd rather a ONS.

@StealthNinjaMum you don't sound bitter. You sound like someone who had to put up with a shit of an ex and in laws. I know the feeling. I'd happily spew bile about my exh all day tbh but it's a waste of oxygen.

I won't ban myself from speaking about him then but I'm just trying to go careful. I've been dignified but inside I'm just hoping against hope that at some point he will come back, like he did before. I know there's plenty of things he likes about me and I'm hoping he'll realise the other things and remember how classy I can be at times 😂 I know it's foolish but I can't help thinking it.

I'm trying to get as many irons on the go atm 😂