Dating Thread 175 - It's not you, it's them. Also: people are weird at Christmas time.

[MoreNiceCereal]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Hmm, yes. I have 3 DC at primary school and two have additional needs, one with a sleep disorder. Only my DSis or mum can really do bed times for me. I think I'm going to be limited to EOW dating for a few years to come.

So friends with partners I’ll baby sit on the weekend so they can have a date night and then they’ll baby sit for me in the week if needed.

As a first meeting could you do a coffee or quick lunch ? Depends how it works for you but it takes me 5 mins in person to know if I like someone or not.

I have my daughter all week, ex only takes her overnight or even during the day on adhoc basis. I can ask my parents to babysit on occasions tho.

I think I'm going to struggle. part of me feels like I'm trying to get rid of her at times but also feel I need some me time.

ex only takes her at the weekend (if he does). most guys I've spoken to have their children most of the weekend.

I think I'm struggling with feeling like I'm ditching my children if I want to go out on a date. And because stbx is always agitating for more contact (he's not capable of weeknight/school mornings) I'm wary of going out and him finding out that the DC were with someone else.

I wanted to book a babysitter for something this week, but then had a doctor's appointment with one DC that made it tricky. Not impossible, but I just wimped out.

@Jane1978xx I'm not meeting any more people at the moment. I don't think MrN is either, but I haven't asked because I'm a bit insecure and don't really want to know if he is.

When my dd goes her dads in the week it’s after tea and she comes home in her pjs at8 am. It’s just a csa tick in the box so he doesn’t pay maintenance.

@uncorrecteddoormat. Can you tell from convos about what he is doing ? Like at weekends etc

Yes, I'm trying to avoid CSA tick box nights! Stbx tried for his weekend to start at 4pm on Sat and end at 5pm on Sun. I told him to jog on...

MrN does not appear to be dating anyone else. He keeps extending invitation to go out in the week and even sometimes on weekends he knows I have my DC. He also has a few hobbies that take up evenings.

I think I'm just feeling insecure about controlling how/when we see each other and it's not very often. He might get bored and move on.

Yes the dad weekends are often very short ! Depends on football ! How far away is mr N could you do quick meet ups ?

Same city, but quite far apart and we don't drive. We could do dinner or a movie, but it would be as much travel time as time together.

I think I need to stop worrying. If he can't deal with the other commitments in my life, then we aren't going to be well suited in the long run. And I will give dating a break until I get a few more parts of my life in line 😂🤣😂

Sounds like a good plan. I’m down to my last iron and if this doesn’t work out it’s take a break time

@Sunshineandflipflops Yeah I recognise you ! And glad it's all still going well. I am good, had an extended spell of parenting, while ex- mourned loss of a parent, which was good for all of us. On top of my sport at the moment and dipping in the dating pool again. I can't post on here about some of the things I've encountered in the past fortnight - too outing and also there's more of you than me !

I did get ghosted and un-ghosted during which time she blithely said she had loads of rubbish dates with no butterflies. Also discovered I am sharing dating pool rather closely with another bloke who has dated some of my previous dates. That was weird, considering I don't have many previous dates.

@UncorrectedDoormat During the week evening dates require a paid babysitter which I am loathe to do unless I think there's something blossoming. I won't use babysitter for first and second dates, and try to avoid as much as possible, but it feels like two weeks between meets puts you in a bit of a limbo in terms of discovery and having to drive the thing through messaging and phone calls. Fortunately DS likes babysitter and whoops when he knows she's coming around so parenting guilt is lightened.

Lunch coffee screenings are alright, but not enough time. Mind you had one today which was far too long. Arrived and did not recognise from pics: an age fibber, I think, and not by a little bit. Then loud swearing and yellow teeth. Probably a smoking fibber too. Reminded me that sometimes, it's probably best not go for the meet up quite so quickly !

Hi hairyarsedman. I remember you though this is my second incarnation so i might be a stranger to you.

I haven't had to use a babysitter yet and like HAM said i wouldn't for an early date. I an fortubate that currently the ex is pulling his weight so I get a fair amount of time for merry making.
Tomorrow i have second date with Mr Fast Work who, i suspect, was staring at my phone waiting for me to msg him judging by the speed at which he replied.

We've also earmarked a day for date 3 which is good going when you consider our first date got interrupted after about 20 minutes.
Sadly he's living with parents to save money for deposit so it's gonna be a while before dirty deeds can be done.... unless we get a hotel. Which I am tempted by....

Hey Hairyarsed remember me? I took a break and everyone changed their name so I am still trying to work out who is who! Oh age fibbers are so annoying!

So Mr Foot has cancelled so he can see his friend. He asked when can he see me instead errrrr not for 3 weeks! I dont get baby sitters for first dates and have loads on in the run up to Xmas.

Mr Tredgy has lost interest as I wont sext him. Such a shame as I thought he was nice but I dont sext people I have not met....anymore!

Back to zero irons and fed up of it all again...bring out the tiny violins

@HairyArsedMan I am intrigued as to your past two week's adventures!

When you say you are sharing a dating pool, do you mean with someone from on here?

I have to say, I don't miss OLD one bit and although I don't for one minute think I won't be back there at some point, I am quite happy to have escaped for now 😂

hairyarsed I used to be a fan of outdated recording technology, if it helps...

Thanks again to everyone re my darling dog, you are a wonderful bunch of people 💐

Had a text from Mr Caribbean today saying that I could go round his later if I was free and just had a call from him which I ignored. What part of I have a boyfriend doesn't he understand. Going to have to block him.

Hi Hairy I don't post much here as am on the loved up bench. I have a friend who lives near me doing OLD and some of her irons are people I've chatted to or met 😂 We seem to attract the same men - we're both small and blonde, so these men have a type lol

Help me out you lot.

FWB has just messaged, he's met someone he likes 😞 I knew this would happen. We are breaking it off in a nice way but fucking hell it hurts, it really hurts.

I need this, I need to be free cos I could never move on from him. But I'm so sad right now.

@Sunshineandflipflops Oh no, not sharing with @Ant330 or anyone on here as far as I know. Just that some past dates re-emerged from the mists to 'chat' and turned out they had been dumped in the same way and it turned out to be the same bloke. So it was kind of like the scenario that @BatshitCrazyWoman describes (though I don't have a type, I think).

@TigerDater Got ya ! @NoMoreWeepingAndWanking @Marlboroandmalbec34 I remember you well, I'm now practicing self restraint on all those fronts Ok maybe just a glass of Malbec occasionally.

Oh, Time, I'm sorry.

I knew it was gonna happen but fuck fuck fuck it's stinging like a bitch right now.

I'm just having a self indulgent moment of self pity as it's been such a rubbish rubbish couple of years. I just wanted a bit of happiness for once. It's harder because he was so lovely and because we were genuine friends it hurts. He even said the reason he can't talk to me anymore is because we're so close. Thing is we don't live near eachother and I bet she ain't a single mum in her 30s.

I'll be ok but needed to vent.

time I’m so sorry, however inevitable it’s got to hurt when a FWB goes off all loved up, and I know you kind of wanted more anyway. Indulge your sorrow today in full and end the day as soon as possible. Tomorrow hopefully the sting at least will have faded just a bit. And, as soon as you feel able, delete convos and number, unfriend etc. 💐

Thankyou @TigerDater. I've already deleted conversations and pics, I've deleted the conversation on Snapchat so I can't see his snaps and wha he's up to. I don't want to delete his number just yet. I never really re-read our conversations anyway but I wanted them off my phone and didn't want to look at our pics.

I'm trying not to wallow. Fuck it best way to get over a man, get under another