Dating Thread 175 - It's not you, it's them. Also: people are weird at Christmas time.

[MoreNiceCereal]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I think my problem is my FWB has completely ruined me for anyone else cos he's just so bloody gorgeous 😂 I used to watch him when he was asleep just cos he was so fit. Big big sigh...

@TimeTravellingDiamond My kids are 12 and 13 and I still pack everythign they need when going to their dad's fro the weekend. It always comes back unwashed too. It did annoy me but actually, at least if I get it back and wash it, it's done and they have the clothes they need at home rather than at the bottom of ex's washing pile for weeks on end.

If they have to do specific homework, need stuff for school when they are at his, etc I make sure i leave detailed instructions with him and then end up texting again because 13 years of marriage to him tells me it will just be the kids who suffer when he forgets.

I get annoyed sometimes as it's always me that has to think of everything they need all the time and make sure everything is ready, whereas he just 'has' them. I remind myself that I do it for them though, not him.

Hey, I'm still lurking and reading all of your experiences and brilliant advice. I've not had a date since the love bombing incident. I've not matched with many men and those I have matched with the conversation has just drifted and stopped. Or a date is arranged but because they haven't happened quickly they fall off the face of the earth!

Still addicted to swiping, must learn to control it! @UtterSocks agree with the university of life description! Also men who comment that OLD is rubbish and no one ever talks. I wonder why that could be with your passive aggressive comment?! 🤔

@Sunshineandflipflops I don't mind packing some stuff of course but don't see why he can't keep pjs, a hairbrush, wellies etc at his place. But I know exactly what you mean. I don't put their better clothes and things in as don't trust him to look after it properly.

Is it really tragic that I'm spending ages this morning taking new selfies for my profiles 😂

@TimeTravellingDiamond Yes, when exh first moved out into his own place, I sent the kids with a pair of pj's each and a toothbrush as I didn't think it was fair that they didn't even have those things to keep at his.

When my stbx first started having the DC to stay a few months after he moved out, I sent them over with clothes, toys, PJs, hair brushes, tooth brushes etc. etc. for him to keep at his place to get set up, all in a storage box for each of the DC to have some private space at their Dad's. I'm clearly a pushover!

I'm struggling today with how tolerant and accepting MrN is. I keep thinking it must be mind games. My stbx was passive aggressive and EA, and I've realised I'm very anxious that Mean is only saying nice things so he can use them against me later. I'm much less ready to be dating than I thought I was.

I’ve sent tooth brush , pjs, hair brush etc etc. But That’s it as clothes will go missing. And uniforms expensive and she’ll only wear branded sports gear little madam 😂.

I’m really nervous / excited about this date / stay over Tomrrow. It’s been a longggg time. And 15 years since anyone new when I was 25. Part of me is like I really want this then the other is like shit what am I doing 😂. But I guess I can still back out or postpone the over night at any stage.

@wontbefooledagain. Some of the profiles are awful going on about how bad women are. And others of these men saying don’t ask for my dick pics - and by that they mean do 😂

@jane1978xxx that's exactly how I felt (and possibly still feel). I was 18 and it was over 20 years ago!

But I surprised myself by really enjoying it and not wanting to back out in the end.

Just popping in. Sorry to hear you've lost your doggy friend @TigerDater.

You've all become unrecognisable to me but the dudes seem familiar

Oh and just to counterbalance the lameness you're all railing against in profile blurb my favourite one said, simply: "I'm looking for some truth".

If that was anyone on the thread, I would doff my cap, if I had one. So I doff my beanie instead.

But they can't handle the truth!

@UncorrectedDoormat i feel like some crazy horny person 😂😂

Hi @HairyArsedMan - I'm recognisable! How are things with you?

@Jane1978xx I'm the opposite. My libido still hasn't really woken up, but it's getting there. Years of a sexless marriage have reprogrammed me not to expect any kind of affection or sensual/sexual contact in my life.

@UncorrectedDoormat snap! I have dated men who ask me questions and ask how I am. At first I found it really odd (almost overwhelming in fact) that they would be interested in me, after years of a husband who didn't give a shit.

@Jane1978xx Mr R was my first new man in 20 years and it was really lovely. He was very considerate and made it clear I could change my mind at any point. I hope your night goes well.

@uncorrected doorman mine has . I don’t know what to do with myself 😂. Its also supposed to be a pre-menopausal thing how old are you ?

Well he seems to think it’s going to go very well with some descriptive how’s and whys so we will see 😂

jane I’m excited for you! I was like that: at the age of 55 I thought I had no interest in sex but then bam! it came back like a tiger with the first new man I DTD with since the age of 22, and has continued since. He and I were clear with each other that it was my first time, as it were, and it was just sex, but he was amazingly considerate and checked at every point that I was ok. I knew very well that I could call a halt at any stage. I literally couldn’t have hoped for a better man at that point. Really hope it is the same for you 😊

Haha! I'm not menopausal yet. Still in my 30s.

I'm not sure MrN is the nicest or most considerate person out there, but I find it hard to judge. He's definitely a bit more keen on sex than I am, but then I guess with an EOW arrangement that's still not a lot of sex. And we do still date without going home together sometimes as week. Maybe I'm misjudging him.

@tigerdater that sounds amazing , yes I hope so. I said I don’t need anything fancy the basics are ok for now 😂😂

I’m 41 and pre Menopause can start apparently.

What’s EOW ?

Every other weekend. As in not very often!

Out of interest, do any of you manage to date when you have the DC with you during the week?

Ahh I see. My daughter goes to her dads one night a week. Also I swap baby sitting with friends a lot but I’ve not used this for a date . I’ve done first meetings with people at lunch as well