Dating Thread 175 - It's not you, it's them. Also: people are weird at Christmas time.

[MoreNiceCereal]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Undecidedsofa I'd wait for him to contact you. This happened to me a couple of times and if they like you, let them contact you

Bang the fear for me is that I would rather try to build a relationship or be alone and there is no middle ground. No complex FWB, no ambiguity over what our status is. I can date people to find out what they want without getting hurt but I’m not going to sleep with them while we figure it out. This probably means I am missing some hot sex 😂

I’ve had 2 proper RS which have messed me up - both were good frequent sex, good connection, exclusive, made me think that we were building something for the future. But neither would tell me they loved me or want to talk about feelings or plans, and I didn’t want to push it, so I carried on knowing my feelings were stronger and over time I became more and more sad and unsure of myself. The first one ghosted me out of the blue after 9 months. The second one went cold and distant after 18 months until I dumped him. I felt so so used. They both took advantage of the fact I am easy going, not pushy and patient. I was a filler girlfriend and they were never honest with me. The second one hurts the most. We did so many romantic and amazing things together but he didn’t want to fight for me.

thank you @Menora and @Amicrazy121
I was disappointed when he went off line, but also really impressed he took the time to message and explain, so fingers crossed (I will sit on my hands and not message him!)

I have an old ex boyfriend (over 20 years) I am still friends/in contact with who tells me he regrets doing the same thing to me. He doesn’t know why he did it. But I did mean something but someone else came along who blew his socks off in a way I never did. He’s unhappy now mind you 😂
I’m just like a very nice friend you feel comfortable shagging. I am just a FWB person never the bride. I’ve never been married, never even been close.

Mr Moving has left it after about 4 messages ‘maybe we will bump into each other in the local shop’ which I take is just him being polite, because what does this mean 😂

Hi all - sorry I’ve not been on here for ages, life got crazy work wise and socially and couldn’t keep up. I am planning to read back tonight but sorry in the meantime for not name checking anyone!

My situation has moved on. Decided not to shag MrSexBloke despite how hot he was because he was coming on really strong and it felt a bit much. Also one of the very few things he said that wasn’t related to shagging when we met made me think that politically I would find him abhorrent (and also showed he hadn’t read my profile which is only 3 lines FFS)

Mr Everyman, who was lovely, benched me so I deleted our WhatsApp then saw him again on Bumble - bit disappointing, but hey!

Got chatting to others on Bumble and Tinder and ended up with about 10 irons at once. One, MrBlonde, was great but took the hump when I couldn’t see him at the weekend despite me saying I was genuinely busy and could he suggest another date. MrBoat who is nice and we got on really well on the phone but lives on a boat miles away. And various others ... some very keen, some just chatters

Mr Beardish and I had a date arranged for Friday which I was looking forward to but he was making noises about man flu earlier in the week so I messaged on Thursday to say ‘it’s Ok if you want to reschedule’. He was all ‘Not at all, looking forward to it’ then cancelled with a crap excuse when I was already in town, had a rare night off when DD out, had left car at home anticipating a drink and it was too late for me to make a backup plan. I was furious and didn’t reply.

So ... went home and had a glass of wine, randomly swiped hot guy on Tinder and we had a Saturday lunch date arranged in minutes. Long story short, he is gorgeous, charming, glamorous job and we had a brilliant time. Totally feel he is out of my league to be fair but he was very polite and kept apologising in case he was boring me (no, the glassy eyed stare is lust, sorry!)

So, let’s call him MrPersonality, said he would love to see me again and I agreed it would be lovely. We had a brief and chaste but soulful kiss and he messaged me after to say he had a wonderful time and I replied to say I did too. Then this morning I sent a short, friendly message to say hope he had a good day with his daughters as a sort of friendly prompt as he hadn’t mentioned meeting up again. Am rather kicking myself now, but also I want him to know I’d definitely see him again and wasn’t just being polite. Ah well, shall have to sit on my hands now and see if he replies. We are both very busy so it will be tricky, but he’s the only one I would seriously move my schedule around for so far. Beginning to realise my ambiguity before was just not liking them all that much. Trying not to get carried away here, talk me down people. Wish I had come on here before sending message today! I know from experiencing it on the other side, if I’m not bothered about someone their friendly messages make no difference and actually just irritate me 😕

Hope all good with you guys. Off to sublimate my sexual frustration in the gym now! I’ll look forward to catching up with all your news later

@uttersocks if you want to see him again just tell him. Did you talk about it when you were out ? If you kissed and he messaged I’m pretty sure he would want to see you again ! I’ve decided I’m not messing about any more if I like or don’t like someone I’ll let them know.

@menora...the local shop? That's mixed messages if I've ever heard it. Either he likes you but doesn't want to be pushy, or he's just being nice.

Yeh Jane that’s sort of what I thought. I’m not into ego or game playing- I’d rather look a bit stupid but know I put my cards on the table than think it might have gone somewhere if I wasn’t playing it cool. Nobody dies from a bruised ego. There is something a bit more complex about it though which is outing but can PM you ...

He did say he wanted to see me again yes and we discussed dates but this week tricky for both of us, and damned Christmas busyness...

@Menora. Say something like if you ever want me to show you the local pub let me know

@uttersocks yes pm me but no point messing about 🤷🏼‍♀️

No guys guess what I said

I said ‘oh I will have to make sure I brush my hair’

YES I DID SAY THAT

I am also chatting to a fairly cute slightly younger guy who I seem to have a lot in common with. He is a police officer. It’s not hard work

Hopefully Mr Personality is just having a busy day!
Not everyone is as dull as me I have to remember 😂

so after hiding my profile, I've gone from lots of irons to 1. mr tennis stop texting when he thought I was talking to someone else. mr local never replied again after arranging a tel call and date!

went on a date on fri with mr builder. hes not my usual type, bit of a bad boy in past but seems to be a reformed character. he stayed over 😊 and in the morning de-iced my car while he was doing his. would I be reading too much in to things If I thought that meant he liked me lol or could he just a nice person?

I'm kinda at the stage of just straight talking too. I hate all the guessing etc.

I think Id mr builder stayed overnight that means he likes you 😂:

Yes to straight talking and none of this whose turn it ia to message or who asked who etc etc

😂😂 @Jane1978xx not always in my experience. but yeah I suppose that's a bigger indicator lol. and he is still talking to me 😊

Both good signs I think!

Good luck with him, @crazycatlady20.

Mr Policeman has asked me out

My darling dog is being put to sleep tomorrow 😥😥😥. Doing the right thing, I invited various family members to come say goodbye, only to have to deal with their bloody feelings about it. What about mine, do they care??? Big fat no. This is why I think it’s best not to expect anyone to have your back. I have my back, I don’t need anyone else. Feel let down as well as bloody sad about my dog 😡😥

Ah @TigerDater hugs from me. The thread can have your back. Was he old? Had you had him long? People really underestimate losing a pet.

@shitwithsugaron how are you and mr B? Things any clearer? Did you see him Thursday?

@tigerdater sorry to hear that xx

@tiger, sorry....x

15.5 years, incredible for a retriever. Still devastated though

Sorry about your dog tiger will be thinking about you tomorrow. I had to do the same this time last year. The vet took a clay paw print for us as a keepsake. Hugs xx