Dating Thread 175 - It's not you, it's them. Also: people are weird at Christmas time.

[MoreNiceCereal]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

...Putting on me
My sister, my friends, co-workers - even my boss text me asking about how my date was last night (no date)

Other people obviously seem to think I am lonely and they want me to have the fairytale ending so they are investing all this energy in encouraging me to meet someone

That sounds way too intense! You are perfectly whole as you are, and shouldn't be getting pressured like that. Maybe for now just tell them it's too busy this time of year to date?

It’s rock and hard place - I am feeling a bit lonely - DC are older now and I spend most evenings alone, bored. But on the other hand I like to go to bed early I don’t like going out very much.

menora it’s December, a really weird time of year for dating and a cold time of year for going out. As others said, you don’t have to date and you also don’t have to tell anyone else whether you are dating or not. I suggest really focusing on what you want and like, forget other people and their expectations.

@menora what you are describing is just like how I feel most of the time x

@bangheadhere40

Is it just a fear? I’m not sure whether it’s like the whole keep getting back up on the horse analogy

Thing is, I can go back to being alone and not dating because that is the safe option. I can plod along ignoring other people and avoiding thinking about feeling lonely by justifying how people can hurt you... OR I can keep trying and take some risks and put myself out there and face my fears!

@NoMoreWeepingAndWanking I love Dua Lipa- was playing her a lot yesterday. However I also give you Thinking Bout You and that one she did with Chris Martin that I can't remember the name of 😂

In all seriousness, I have been moving on from him a lot in my head- I have complete acceptance that it's not going to be what I want. I just miss him and as we've been saying, it's a strange time of year for dating. So I start thinking maybe he'd be up for meeting for sex at least.

@Menora I also feel like you a lot of the time. I'm alright being single, albeit a bit lonely. I've just been struggling with having feelings for someone who I really want to be with but it's not reciprocated.

To sum it up articulately, life sucks! 😂

I think I'm also overly single. I was alone in my marriage. Mr U was basically unavailable in every way which is why I fell for him. I cannot imagine being in a relationship with someone. I've been emotionally alone for years. It's easier than getting hurt.

I’ve felt a lot like this I’ve the last two years, and I’ve found it difficult to see my way through re date/not date, and seek LTR/stick to FWB. I must say I’ve found a few sessions of counselling have really helped me with these choices. It’s not cheap and it’s not for everyone, but I don’t think I’m alone on this thread in finding it to have been helpful 🤷‍♀️

It would be nice to have something to feel enthusiastic about. There is nothing left to clean in my house and I have done all my Xmas shopping 😂

I think this is like any fear, I have to face it not ignore it. I didn’t fly for 15 years as I was scared of flying. Then when I flew I was ok

I’m out of my misery patch. A fittie in bumble has been messaging me, initially he was 10 miles away and said he is moving house today. His location is now 1 mile away. I live rural, so he’s probably close by 😂 Maybe if I take the dog out I can spot the moving van and check him out

@Menora go for it! Go and have some fun!

😂 go for that dog walk 😂😂

@unambiguousbeard alone in a marriage that was me. And also for anything to happen it was always me who initiated it. From sex, days out, hols, house stuff anything. Then one day I stopped and he left

I was lonely in a miserable marriage too. Was frightened to leave it and thought I'd be stuck with him forever. I'm free at least! Will have to be someone special to make me part with that.

Yeah I think that's it @TimeTravellingDiamond it would have to be someone really special to let them in. I think of a relationship as being limiting and constructive. It took years to leave. I'm wary of that happening again.

It makes me upset and angry I wasted my time. And that I let him make me feel the way he did. But onwards and upwards now.

The anger is real about time wasting, I get it

Someone on bumble put that Marilyn Monroe is their ideal dinner date with 2 others I am big fans of. He matched with me and I said I disliked Marilyn Monroe now he thinks I am some kind of nutter 😂

@ menorah I think it's a fear. I can plod along happily on my own too, it's when we are forced to deal with our feelings it gets worse, it's easier to ignore them.

We sound similar and I could have written everything you said x

It hurts me a lot more to be honest and get rejected, than just carry on not thinking about stuff. It's a lot easier that way..and I have got hurt in this last week or so. I don't think I can get close to anyone, maybe it's previous issues coming back but i think i will ruin anything that I want.

I think I need a therapist, not a boyfriend!

@jane how is it going with the car park snogger?

@bangheadhere40. Car park snogger is away at family for the weekend , defo meeting Wednesday and it’s been getting a little heated 😂. I don’t know where it will go but he’s lovely and I was very physically attracted to him

I was alone in my marriage, too..I sometimes think I am too set in my ways for someone else - I know I am not, I am just so used to my own way of doing things, and my own company.

Please may I have some advice - again -
So, I was chatting with someone about a month ago, including a 1 am tipsy phone call which was hysterical and a potential date. He then deleted his profile + messaged me to say he had been on a second date with someone in the interim and they were going to see each other again, which was fair enough - he was honest + respectful etc.
Anyway, I'm online this morning + he is back, and has viewed my profile; I viewed him back ..
Do I message him? Should I wait to see if he messes me? He was lovely, I would have liked to have met him.
Does it look a bi desperate to message him saying 'hello, I remember you, good to see you' kind of thing? Bit of an odd situation...
Thank you wise people; I am still (obviously) crap at this!!

I would wait for him to message you

But it sounds like he is an honest guy, I hope he does!