Am I wrong for asking for want I want

[ConfusedInNJ]

My boyfriend and I are pretty straight forward with what we want/looking forward to in the future. We've been for 2 1/2 years and recently spoke about getting married at a court house since we're already living together. We go 50 % on everything financially. I must say I'm pretty much happy with him and the accomplishments we've made as a whole. But recently he's been hinting about what my preferences are in the engagement ring I want and sort of trying to convince me of choosing a cubic zirconia vs a diamond because someone he knows suggested it. Am I wrong for wanting a diamond, which he makes more than enough currently to afford one. I've always been the type of woman that doesn't settle, I work very hard for the things I have never received any handouts but now I feel like why should I settle for less if I do everything in my power to make him happy. Please advise

Of course you're not wrong to want what you want. It's not an unreasonable expectation that you should receive a diamond ring upon engagement. This is not the time to be cheap- you'll wear this (hopefully) for the rest of your life. You should love it. He has a lifetime to be frugal, if that's what he wants.

Chose whatever the hell you want lady!! It’s your engagement ring and if you only plan on doing it once you may as well get what you want!

Sod the person with the suggestions, they don’t have to wear the ring and if you are able to afford them why shouldn’t you splash out for this special occasion.

Absolutely not OP.. you're wearing this beautiful ring forever, it has to be one you love ...

As someone who didn't go for a diamond why does it really matter?

Hmm how generous is he normally? Does he treat you at all? My dh is very generous with gifts we can both enjoy, like weekends aways etc, but not for things that would just benefit me. Eg ive wanted a dressing table for years. Nope.

@Dazedandconfused10 because that is nit what the op wants.

@calleighDoodle I get that I'm just saying what if he went and got one without asking which does happen

@CalleighDoodle He usually doesn't mind getting me what I want around Xmas when we give each other a list so that's it's easier for him to know. But I must say I've notice some cheap tendencies from time to time. And I'm in no way like that I buy him things without letting the price get in the way of it, but I am a smart/bargain shopper as well so I wait for the right opportunity to do so.

That might bevin to annoy you down the line

Begin

@CalleighDoodle I hope not because he's a great guy but I feel like I'm alway the one compromising on a lot of things and he's always trying to find the easy way around it. When it doesn't have to be that complicated

Compromise on a ring from ebay or vintage / 2nd hand.. but diamond and that you like.

Diamond rings from stores typically arent 'worth' the price tag (I can tell you from experience of going with exDP to buy ring, then selling it on after we broke up and he didnt want it back).

He should see the ring as a financial investment, if you buy smart (good quality stone, secondhand from a good dealer) itll always be worth what was paid and could be sold later if things get tight.

Just an alternative view!

Sorry that probably came across as cold and detached, but it is just another large financial investment!

For context my 1/3 carat solitare 18ct white gold ring cost £600 new (A long while ago) and i sold it, after shopping it to a number of stores, on ebay to a private buyer for £70. Dealers didnt want it as the diamond wasnt high enough quality.

You just need to agree to play it smart!

I think you need to look really hard at your relationship. Your life will be hell if you live with a tight man and have children with him. You've noticed things go his way more than yours already. The way he's trying to palm you off with a cheaper ring just shows his priority is himself.

Think about it.

DO NOT marry a man so financially controlling and cheap because your life will be a nightmare. Being financially responsible is good, being a skin flint at your expense is not.

Just tell him no thank you, very clearly. You don't want a cubic zirconia so tell him in a way that cannot be misinterpreted. If he chooses not to buy you a ring at all or to ignore what you've requested then you'll have to have a conversation afterwards about why that is. You have to wear it not him, he should be buying it for you not for his own preferences. You've said it's not a budget issue so it's more of a 'how much does this mean to you' issue.

I'm a fan of antique jewellery. Excellent quality stones, the cuts vary so you can fine one to suit every hand, some beautiful coloured stones and the price is so different from a high street type.

Hint: When I was last in Brighton in the Lanes, I went into a shop and said I had x amount of time and x amount of $ and we looked at a couple of things from the window. Then I asked if she had anything out the back in a box and, no joke, she came back with a shoebox full of pretties for me to look at and buy.

Cubic zirconia isn't necessary.

It doesn’t sound like romance of the century does it?

Surely if you go 50/50 on everything else you should be doing the same with an engagement ring. This is 2019, and things are supposedly a little more equal now. Most people go dutch dating, and also when they live together. I just don't get why a man is supposed to still be paying for an engagement ring.

Can I suggest if you are planning a family with this man you discuss how he will support you through maternity leave .

I am shocked how often I read on here women using their savings to cope throughout maternity leave

@NoWeAreNotNearlyThereYet I disagree with the 50/50 on the engagement ring, First if all he makes 30% more money than me so I don't get what time were living in has to do with it. It's about tradition.

Absolutely ask for and get the engagement ring you want.
I agree completely that vintage or antique will get you a much nicer ring.
DH and I went shopping together, he said he wasn't that keen on the first ring I chose. In the end I fell in love with another. ( both vintage)
Years later he confessed that the cost of the first ring was all that put him off, ironically the one we finally chose was three times the price.
I'm not sure all blokes understand the cost of engagement rings.

Cubic zirconia is fake diamond, to my mind. If you feel the same, tell him so, clearly. If you want to be involved in the choice, and you should be as you'll be wearing it, tell him that clearly, too.

Fake diamonds are for flashy show-offs and you might feel you had to tell everyone who oohed and ahe'd over it that it was fake or feel icky keeping quiet when they commented how that must have cost him three months' salary.

If his love isn't fake and just for show, the ring shouldn't be either. Antique, precious, pre-loved can all be fine as a PP wisely said, but fake never is.

Better to do without than wear fake anything except fur.

Well, you sound like the kind of person,who will eventually have the ring that you desire, otherwise, you may become resentful if you don't. Some men don't get this thing,about wanting to spend big on a ring with expensive diamonds etc.

My engagement ring was from an auntie, given to me after she had died. I imagine it was very cheap,as she had been married in the last war,just before her husband went in the army, and money was very scarce for such things. I still have it, despite me being divorced for about 34 years now.

I normally disagree with posters who call men out for being cheap but in this instance I agree.

He earns 30% more than you and has ruined the idea of a surprise proposal by trying to convince you to accept a cheap ring that you won't like.

If he'd have proposed without talking to you about the tiny that'd be different but he's actively asked for your permission to be a cheap skate.
Stick to your guns on this one.