Am I wrong for asking for want I want

[ConfusedInNJ]

My boyfriend and I are pretty straight forward with what we want/looking forward to in the future. We've been for 2 1/2 years and recently spoke about getting married at a court house since we're already living together. We go 50 % on everything financially. I must say I'm pretty much happy with him and the accomplishments we've made as a whole. But recently he's been hinting about what my preferences are in the engagement ring I want and sort of trying to convince me of choosing a cubic zirconia vs a diamond because someone he knows suggested it. Am I wrong for wanting a diamond, which he makes more than enough currently to afford one. I've always been the type of woman that doesn't settle, I work very hard for the things I have never received any handouts but now I feel like why should I settle for less if I do everything in my power to make him happy. Please advise

I suspected it was sign of a bigger issue and with the comment that you always have to be compromising, i would be really Cautious.

First of all, 50/50 on household when he earns more than you isnt acceptable. That needs discussing and changing. Otherwise he is getting more disposable income. Is he saving for the wedding?

Have you discussed if you will have children? how long you expect to take mat leave? How he will support you through mat leave fairly?

I agree with this, OP.

I know you asked about the ring issue, but it is a symptom of bigger things in the relationship.

Don't have DC until you are married, if you decide to stick with him.

But really, I think this relationship isn't worth it. You see, he's already showing cheapskate tendencies. And once you're pregnant and at home with the DC, it'll get worse. I know, my ex is like this. Always bleeding me dry of money even though he was at the time the higher earner.

I appreciate all of you insights and valid key points thank you

If CZ was all he could afford then that's fine, but pushing you towards one because it's cheap (and it really is Claire's accessories cheap) is quite annoying actually.

It's about the marriage not the ring but being stingy

I think you need to think about how often you wear the ring. When my hasband brought it up years ago I said he couldn't spend more than 100 on a ring becuse I wouldn't wear it after the wedding and I've always felt that the ring dosent matter whether it's big small gold sliver diamond or not. At the end of the day it's just a ring I wanted to make shure the person who gave me the ring was the right guy. I've now been married 12 years and I'm still very happy with my 100 ring

You’re more than welcome to want a diamond, he is more than welcome not buy one.

How much are you spending on his engagement ring?

Just say no and be adamant about what you want. Because if you want a diamond now you'll most definitely feel resentful whenever the cubic zirconia monstrosity catches your eye years down the line.

So you live together, have decided where to hold the wedding and now you are talking about an engagement ring. It's so backwards that 'tradition' really doesn't come into it! What next? He asks you to be his girlfriend?

@SimonJT Men don't wear engagement rings they wear wedding bands which he will pick out for himself and I will pay and I am going to buy him an engagement gift as well. But he's not a flashy person so most likely get a wedding back for work and one for going out since he works outdoors doing strenuous work.

Lots of men wear engagement rings.

@Lexplorer It's obvious that you're here as a comedian because no where on there was advice you gave, so maybe this isn't the place for you. It's not a critic page it's vastly for giving and receiving advise. If you read correctly I never said in what order and if so what is it to you what Order I choose as that is my personal choice. Take care

@SimonJT Not where I'm from

What else do you feel you are compromising on?

I think the compromise of buying secondhand is really sensible. I've seen friends trying to sell rings and they get nowhere near what they paid for, which is sad for them but good for the buyer.

And no, you're absolutely not being unreasonable - you have to wear this forever, and you want to feel love and happiness when you look at it, not disappointment!

Thanks for putting me right op.

I feel like I'm alway the one compromising on a lot of things and he's always trying to find the easy way around it.

That's your issue here. Not the ring or the diamond but the fact there is and has been many other (smaller) instances where you know you comprise but he doesnt.
I'd tackle that and have a look if this is something you are ready to compromise on live with before you get married

Get what ring you want. I helped my fiance choose mine as 1. I didn't even really know what I wanted and 2. I'm wearing that thing for the rest of my life, no way am I looking at something ugly every day.

Mine isn't a diamond though, it's my birthstone. But I love it and don't care its not a solitaire. But you get what you want, if you want a diamond get a diamond.

Who is the someone he asks advice from about your engagement ring? Do you know and like them? They don't sound as if they like you very much. Will they be advising on your wedding dress as well?

Vintage rings are lovely, and if it's v expensive it will be expensive to insure. You both need rings. Cost up the wedding including rings. That will help the budget unless ' someone' advises a takeaway and a knees up at the pub.

Op, he’s tight.
You will have a miserable life if you marry this man. Trust me

What a horrible thing to be cheap about. Why can't you have a diamond? Huge warning sign right there. Proceed with caution.

Its your engagement ring fgs, he should be wanting you to have the best ring he can afford as you'll be wearing it as a commitment to him. (Even if he doesnt place much importance on what it represents to him, he knows how you feel about it) he should be trying to make you happy. Trying to convince you to get a cubic circonia when he can afford a diamond is tight af. And sorry but just as theres nothing wrong in loving a more inexpensive ring, theres nothing wrong in wanting what for many a diamond engagement ring represents.

Who is the someone he asks advice from about your engagement ring?

Who's to say there even was a someone?

Choose 3 rings. Send him links. He picks the one he wants to give you.

I agree there are issues that need to be considered seriously first.

What other things have you compromised on with him?

Why do you pay 50/50 when he makes 30% more than you do?

Choosing a mate can be beneficial to your life or can be devastating

@RantyAnty Some of the things I've compromised are waiting on buying a house because of a family situation (not on my side) but I'm understanding, prefer not to say. Getting married through court and waiting on a reception wedding. Taking on the responsibility of bills/ utilities due to lack of memory on his part.

@RantyAnty I've brought that up on many occasions and he has been trying to help out in other ways like giving me money to put towards savings and offering to paying for dinner dates. So that has improved drastically