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Am I wrong for asking for want I want

129 replies

ConfusedInNJ · 26/11/2019 22:46

My boyfriend and I are pretty straight forward with what we want/looking forward to in the future. We've been for 2 1/2 years and recently spoke about getting married at a court house since we're already living together. We go 50 % on everything financially. I must say I'm pretty much happy with him and the accomplishments we've made as a whole. But recently he's been hinting about what my preferences are in the engagement ring I want and sort of trying to convince me of choosing a cubic zirconia vs a diamond because someone he knows suggested it. Am I wrong for wanting a diamond, which he makes more than enough currently to afford one. I've always been the type of woman that doesn't settle, I work very hard for the things I have never received any handouts but now I feel like why should I settle for less if I do everything in my power to make him happy. Please advise

OP posts:
Whathewhatnow · 29/11/2019 08:21

Well that turned quite nasty. It's great you found your second Mr Lovely, grobagsforever and of course you are absolutely right about everything, in my opinion.

VolcanionSteamArtillery · 29/11/2019 09:38

Hang on. The not wanting to buy a house together is because of a "family situation". Not because he doesnt want to presumably? If thats right is it really compromising or having to wait for the right time

I don't get the forgetting about bills either. You put them all onto direct debit and set them to come out as close together as possible (1st ofthe month). You (as a collective entity) put aside (in separate easy access savings maybe) enough to cover the bills on pay day. He cant "forget" them your not "wifeworking", it all happens automatically! 30% more salary doesnt necessarily equate to more unallocated funds. It depends on pension, travel costs, what else he's spending on. If hes marrying you, you will benefit from his pension savings (makes sure you know what they are) etc

As someone who was very keen on tradition and had a very very beautiful engagement ring, i can absolutely confirm having an expensive very beautiful engagement ring doesn't guarantee his commitment in any way shape or form.

Giving you money to put into savings presumably in your name however, thats something. Having been divorced, Id take the cz ring, the savings and the trust over a diamond ring any day. Thrifty doesn't necessarily mean tight sometimes it means spending money sensibly to build a better tomorrow.

It doesn't necessarily mean compatibility either. If youre more a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush kind of person, then you may well end up rubbing each other the wrong way.

I do think you need a bit of pause for thought. One way or the other its clear you are both not singing from the same hymn sheet on this. Whilst i dont think either of you are necessarily unreasonable, im not sure how compatible your approaches to life are either

Newschapter · 29/11/2019 10:46

Maybe a cubic zirconia is appropriate.

Nice to look at but not all it's made out to be...

A bit like @ConfusedInNJ when she turned on @Grobagsforever in such a nasty way.

What an ugly attitude.

Newschapter · 29/11/2019 10:49

FWIW my ring was £129 in H Samuel 25 years ago

I wore it with such pride as I was so delighted my fella had asked me to marry him (after 8 months together)

I was only 18 and I know people wer sniggering and saying it would never last.

But we have lasted. And I still adore him and he adores me.

I broke my original engagement ring on a shopping trolley not so long ago and he offered to buy me a modern fancy one.

I chose one almost the same as my first one because I loved it.

My wedding ring was more expensive that either engagement ring and I wear it all the time.

So it's not all about the ring.

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