He won't accept we're separated

[cece]

We split nearly three months ago after I found out about an inappropriate relationship with another woman. It's not the first time and I said if it happened again we'd split. So we have.

However, he's still messaging me daily to ask me to talk about saving our marriage. I've told him repeatedly I don't want to talk about this as it's over. I feel trapped. He's just not listening to me.

I would have a lock on the bedroom door. if he enters tell him firmly no entry this is your space and make sure you have your phone ready in case he kicks off as I think he might.

have you spilt everything down so he has to do his own cleaning and shopping etc. You do only for you and the kids. Plus does he get to have the kids at all without you there as I'd be setting this up now. Yes I know you said he can't cope with your sen child but making a meal should be ok and he does that twice a week. he doesn't get to be let of the hook here

does he have a mental health worker if signed off work and thats a long time too. Is he engaging in services if not why not. Every time he mentions suicide tell him you're phoning the police and do so every time.

As someone else said above he chose this not you. Time to pay the price

grey rock him on the messages that is ignore as they are not child related.

get the CMS sorted too

You can do this cece 💪

Phone womens aid for advice. You must make sure you keep your rights to your half of the house or whatever if you move out but you can’t live like this. It’s mental torture. Surely there has to be a way. Are kids involved, hearing him moaning and crying? That can’t be good for their mental health. He’s a manipulative arse. He’s not mentally ill he just fancied a bit of extra marital shagging. Hope the sex was good as he’s lost you because of it. Arse. Feel free to buy headphones and if you hear him coming towards you just put them on and refuse to remove them. If he touches you to take them off them it’s assault surely. That may give you more leverage to get him out.

I feel for you, I was In a similar situation. Had to endure it for nearly 3 years, I couldn't make him leave as we were joint tenants.

When he found out I went to seek legal advice he went mad, his behaviour was getting more and more worrying, the suicide threats, the aggression, the trying to arrange 'family days out' and making me feel guilty if I didn't go.
He would be nice and helpful one day and argumentative and aggressive the next.
The guilt tripping was awful
I called women's aid who made sure I had an escape plan if it come to it. They said he was very likely to lash out eventually,. The legal advice was to find a means to move out myself, which I was trying to do, though impossible in London with high rents, part time job and two kids.
Anyway luckily he eventually met someone else and moved out.
I honestly don't know what would of happened if he didn't, though we were at a severe breaking point. It probably had a lasting effect on the kids as well, maybe he should consider that, and think of them.
My ex wouldn't listen to that, it was my fault the family was breaking up because I wasn't trying (he cheated and lied several times and wouldn't pay bills, got us into debt etc, I'd given him plenty of chances)

Sounds like you are getting some good advice and you sound stronger than I was. I hope you manage to find a way out of this sooner rather than later, as he will try and wear you down.

I really feel for you right now as my x was similarly manipulative and hoovered with airforce fuel as well.

Can you leave the house and tell social services that you have had to leave as he wont.

I agree, tell womens aid he wont go.

Stay strong. 👊 you have all of my respect, sympathy and i am sending you strength. ☕

Send back “Never Gonna Happen” 11 times

How are you @cece
Hope you're holding firm and staying sane 🍷

I'm definitely feeling stressed as had heartburn today. Not seen much of him today as I've been at work and now out at one of the kid's clubs.

Are you managing to detach mentally?

Reply to his messages that you do not want him to contact you again and if he does you consider it harassment. Please contact the police (101) and ask to speak to someone, explain he is manipulative and you are afraid he will escalate. Also explain you have children and one with SEN. He's tried pity and being nice, my worry is his next move may be aggression. Also try women's aid again, they can at least offer advice. If things do escalate it will be good to have it all on record. Be aware if you do leave the house it will be difficult to get it back. Legally neither of you can change the locks. It's very tough!! Stay strong and hang in there! 💐

No point replying or communicating. It just opens up and prolongs the dialogue.

This period, the run up to leaving my x was the hardest thing I ever went through.

If you have a friend or relative who can come and stay with you indefinitely so that knows ur not going to sweep under the carpet and forget and give up, that would spell it out to him..

Everything OK OP?

Yes, not much to report.

He's been back at work tho week so hoping it'll give him something else to focus on.

Hope so. Hope you are feeling optimistic that eventually it will be resolved. It is so hard, getting away from these types.

Have you spoken with a solictor about an occupation order on the basis of his intimidating behaviour?

💐

So he's 6 days late with his cm payment. Partly my fault due to changing bank accounts but he's had 24 hours to transfer it but still not done so. 😡

Has he paid yet?

No

You so need to see a solicitor for advice and action.

Phone CMS and start a claim via them.

I think he's withholding it because he says I owe him half of the mortgage for last 2 months. I already pay all the household bills. He earns 4 x more than me. 🤬

Just go through CMS they aren't interested in who pays for what.

Can you transfer as many bills as possible into his name

Get the divorce started - infidelity and financial abuse can go straight on your list of reasons why you want a divorce.
Get in touch with DWP asap and let them know you are legally separating and see if you can claim any help.
Tell him if he is to live under the same roof he has to live totally apart - he buys and cooks his own food, does his own washing/washing up, has specific days where he takes the children out.
Get some counselling/ some safe space to talk to someone professional.

I was in this position and had to endure 4 months of this behaviour, intensely as lived under same roof until I moved out. He dragged his heels and the divorce took 4.5yrs.

Above all STAY SAFE!