He won't accept we're separated

[cece]

We split nearly three months ago after I found out about an inappropriate relationship with another woman. It's not the first time and I said if it happened again we'd split. So we have.

However, he's still messaging me daily to ask me to talk about saving our marriage. I've told him repeatedly I don't want to talk about this as it's over. I feel trapped. He's just not listening to me.

The next time he pulls a stunt like that, get the Police to do a welfare check on him. A friend's workplace did that to him recently when he was off sick and wouldn't follow their sickness procedure of checking in with his boss...after two weeks of no contact from him and being unable to get hold of his emergency contact they got the Police involved.

Don't put yourself and the children through his attention seeking BS again.

Wow you’re going through it OP!!

I’m really sorry OP I think going to his house was a mistake. I know it’s hard but you need to detach. Hope your mom is doing ok.

I only went because the kids were worried. I didn't want them to go in case he had killed himself. I know, I know!

I nearly called police for a welfare check but thought they'd be busy enough at this current time.

Sorry to hear how worried you all were, but his happiness is not your responsibility. Carry on enjoying life with your DC as best you can in these strange times. He's a big boy, he's got deal with the consequences of his shit behaviour.

I only went because the kids were worried

you must stay safe OP.. do not cave to his emotional blackmail.. remember he was the man who slipped very happily into another womans bed, whilst you and your kids were sat at home... this is who he is...

I don't feel sorry for him at all. I'm just relieved I'm not with him anymore. I'm so much happier now I'm away from him.

Read the script. In different circumstances he'd be wandering around unkempt, unwashed hinting at suicide etc. All part of his attempt to reel you back in to feeling sorry for him. And using his kids too. Pathetic and predictable.

Ignore and detatch.

I also think it was a mistake to go there. Call the police to do a welfare check or let one of his friends know that he needs checking on. He wonder whether he'll take this as a sign you want to get back together.
If he doesn't answer the phone send an email with a deadline for response.

I've been rereading pat Craven book about the dominator to remind myself of his tactics. Thanks everyone.

Others are right, you need to detach. And to find ways to soothe your DC's fears without engaging with him. Point out that he has form for 'needing his space' or whatever.

Frankly, if it happens again I'd request a welfare check, every single time. Maybe having the police show up at his door will stop his shenanigans. He's just seeking attention and feeding off causing worry.

@cece how's it going?

Ok. I've not heard much from him.

I have been messaging the beginning of each week about having the kids on Saturday nights. He ignores me usually till my daughter ends up messaging him on Saturday morning. So this week I've not bothered to ask if he wants them. So far no contact, so I'll see if he contacts me today about having them tonight or not I guess. I refuse to chase him about it.

No point chasing him, the man that wanted 50:50 soon showed his true colours!! I'm sure he likes trying to keep your attention on him by wondering if he's going to have the DC.

Exactly

Actually probably trying to get you to rush around again...

How is the divorce progressing?

Mine did this after he moved out. Slightly different situation, since DDs were no contact and much older, but he had asked to be kept up to date so I did. Never any answer. Including when they each ended up in hospital on separate occasions. He claimed he 'couldn't face it'.

He couldn't face anything, really.

So, he messaged about 12.30 to ask if the kids were coming over.

So I said I'd drop them off about 3pm. My eldest took a box of ex's books with him to get them out of the house. exH then shouted at him so he walked out and came back home with me. Then about 2 hours later exh massaged him to a[polgised for shouting so I have now dropped ds back to the flat....

I'd have made him collect tbh...

Urgh was he ever not a waste of space as a Dad?

He told DS that because he was paying the mortgage he was allowed to keep his stuff in the house.

In fact he is paying half the mortgage. He has plenty of space in his flat. He is the one delaying the sale. I'd happily move and get my own mortgage that he doesn't have to pay. I think he wants to keep it here to have an element of control in some way.

Complete arse isn't he?
"House needs clearing to get the best price."

I think he wants to keep it here to have an element of control in some way.

Or an excuse to demand entry to collect random belongings.

Hope things are still ok @cece

Thanks for thinking of me @RandomMess

Not much as changed here. Just ticking along at home. No development on divorce though and he's having dc one night a week.

So not 50:50 then🙄

I guess just keep pressing on forcing the divorce through, courts are still running.

I hope it's all going ok with homeschooling? I guess my 17 year old won't have a job to go back to which is a worry for her - too young to do the courses for over 19s, I will mention going back to college in September but she hated it first time around, don't think that will have changed!

Hopefully the roads haven't returned to chaos around there yet with the "return to work" starting today?