He won't accept we're separated

[cece]

We split nearly three months ago after I found out about an inappropriate relationship with another woman. It's not the first time and I said if it happened again we'd split. So we have.

However, he's still messaging me daily to ask me to talk about saving our marriage. I've told him repeatedly I don't want to talk about this as it's over. I feel trapped. He's just not listening to me.

I've bought a new lockable filing cabinet

Good. Has he been behaving any better?

Lockable filing cabinet is a good idea! It can also hold valuables or sentimental items!

But still a better idea to change the locks. I know you aren't supposed to, but is he really vindictive enough to raise a huge stink and cause you legal trouble? I'd think the worse that might happen is he'd fuss and blather and you give him a key to the new lock.

I had an occupation order- it was years ago so I can’t remember all the details but basically my ex kept coming in/out of house when I wasn’t in etc etc etc. I was able to change the locks and not provide him with a key and he wasn’t allowed to enter the house unless it was at my request. The children had to be dropped off/collected from driveway.
I really feel for you. My ex did a lot of shit, hid money, didn’t pay court ordered mortgage payments etc so I lost the house.
My advice.. stay strong, don’t listen to a word he says, every time he sends a ‘I’m so sorry message’ ignore but save the messages. If he ramps it up then go for a non- mol ( I didn’t against my solicitor advice and I regret it) Be careful who you talk too and take very very good care of yourself. He is not your friend anymore- sadly he is now the enemy and as soon as he realises that you aren’t going back he is very likely to transfer his energies from trying to win you back to trying to ‘beat you at the divorce’.

He's been better this week. We're having a school application crisis with one of our dc so having to communicate as we are making a complaint and also appealing against the local authorities decision.

We are touring a school together on Friday and then need to meet to fill in the appeal paperwork. I think I'm going to suggest neutral territory for our meeting.

Neutral territory is a good idea. Nice and public too like a coffee shop.

Update. He's refused mediation and I won't be surprised when he doesn't sign the resent divorce paperwork.

Apparently we need to talk so we can get back together 😡

What a selfish cock.

Do you know how to force the divorce through?

How bloody maddening for you. You are doing brilliantly with your strength against such insurmountable idiocy x

He refused mediation but he wants to talk so you can get back together?

I translate that as he isn't really interested in resolving your differences or in what YOU want, he just wants to get you in a room alone so he can manipulate you into getting back together because that's far better than his currently shitty living situation.

If he tells you he's sorry and he made a mistake and he loves you then he's lying. If he really cared about your relationship he wouldn't turn down mediation even if it was something he felt uncomfortable about.

Don't fall for this shit.

Surely the mediation would show you how fantastic he is...

What a knob

He doesn't want to have to disclose his finances and lose some of his money.

Told you the patio was the best option!!!

Blimey - I've just caught up with this.
Well done OP.
It might not feel like it, but you have come a long way.
Stay strong - you got this!!!

Yeah, the patio option is looking like the best bet. I've just bought a new spade 😉

Thanks everyone.

I'm feeling low today. This plus my sons school place drama is getting to me. I was tempted to have a duvet day today and phone in sick.

Every time he whines tell him "I am not prepared to spend the rest of my life wondering who you are texting, meeting up with or shagging. You had your chance and blew it."

Which school did you want for DS and where has he been offered? I should be able to work it out from initials!

@RandomMess I'll pm you

Needing a duvet day is not unreasonable btw especially when I assume weekends aren't restful for you

Not sure how to pm using the app but as they're special schools I'm not sure you'd know them

It's his weekend with the kids this weekend but he's only having them one night due to social event and a sporting event he's managed to book.

I've only agreed to cover children as I'm taking one of the dc on rugby tour in a few weekends time and he'll need to cover my weekend.

Arghhhhhh but he wants them 50:50, actually the objection to divorce is likely the impact on his social life as well as his money...

Have you been offered PS or The P?

No he doesn't want them 50:50 at all!!

We've been given WC school