He won't accept we're separated

[cece]

We split nearly three months ago after I found out about an inappropriate relationship with another woman. It's not the first time and I said if it happened again we'd split. So we have.

However, he's still messaging me daily to ask me to talk about saving our marriage. I've told him repeatedly I don't want to talk about this as it's over. I feel trapped. He's just not listening to me.

Stay strong.💐

Not much has happened this week. He's put into writing what he said his solicitor told him. His moving date has been delayed by a week. I've been awake since 4 am.

Lots on my mind!!

Your solicitor needs to be communicating with his solicitor. He doesn't put things in writing, the solicitor does. He could just be making stuff up!

How much equity do you think there is the house?

You can safely ignore anything that comes direct from him; including whatever he writes down. You can ignore anything his solicitor says as your solicitor can deal with it.

KOKO. He’s just angry you mean it this time. Just eat the elephant, one day at a time, one issue at a time.

Yeah completely he just wants to financially intimidate you into staying...

Presumably he has a decent pension pot too

Are you certain that the delay plus writing down what he claims the solicitor said is not his way of making you change your mind.Are you sure there is a new place? Hope so, but he might be bluffing.
Give him your solicitor's details and say all communication needs to go through them.

Stay strong

Honestly, only use the contact me via my solicitor card if you are prepared to pay the £££ it costs, each forwarded letter and your reply can cost over £100.

He's definitely got a flat to move into.

Yes there's enough equity in house for us to both buy somewhere smaller. He also has a large pension pot.

I'm hoping to get advice from solicitor and then try and sort it out using mediation.

I would ask him to get his pension valuation done and you get yours as I think it can take a while?

Wonder if he lie on his financial declaration about his savings, stocks and shares...

I know court order maintenance can be stopped after a year and you have to go back to court to challenge it. Hence better to negotiate a clean break with much higher %age of share, pointing out that DC with SEN will need life long support and how is he intending to provide it if you don't?

Please don't negotiate as if the normal rules apply around him.

Remember you have had to forgo loss of earnings only being able to work in your career 2 days per week and unable to persue promotion and amass savings that he has no access to unlike him.

Thanks @randommess

Court order for child maintenance is only valid for a year. However... within my Court Order we both had "undertakings" that we would not go to CMS. If either of us did the other could taken us back to court where the Judge would likely not be impressed as it had all been agreed previously

How are things going?

He's being a bit off with me but otherwise toddling along I guess.

Take your peace where you find it!

Glad it sounds like he’s finally accepted that you’re not going to take him back and has started to cooperate with plans to divorce.

Progress on the crying!

@FourDecades, problem with that scenario is that unless your ex is paid mostly in kind or dividends, or your kids have particular additional needs, it is unlikely the court will allocate time to hear about a claim as the CMS minimum requirement for maintenance is considered “fair”.

Everyone can try to get a parent back to court to make him pay what was agreed a year before but... it may cost you far more to take him back to court than what you would get in child maintenance.

@TheMotherofAllDilemmas yes totally agree with you. In my case the Court Ordered maintenance for DS1 is for life and not just till 18yrs.

My solicitor said the same in regards to other aspects of the Court Order contents eg XH pays half of sporting and school fees.... in that to enforce me getting it may cost more then what l would have received.

I still get the maintenance currently but have given up asking for the extra. It gets embarrassing asking more then once

It is enforcing the order that is difficult. You can take him back to court but if his salary has gone down or he is paying more than requested by CMS, it will be difficult for the courts to agree to allocate time to hear your case, even if the maintenance was ordered for life, because after a year, either of you are free to contact the CMS whatever the court order says.

Interestingly, my case was in and out of court for literally years, it was not until the very end of the process, when I heard exH could go back to CMS minimum after a year, it was a solicitor who was standing in on behalf of the usual one who told me. My usual solicitor had omitted to mention it, I am convinced she “forgot” to tell me because keeping me in court fighting for a higher child maintenance brought her extra money.

An update.

He's moved out and had his first night in his new place last night. But of course he's back today to get more of his things. I wonder if he's going to drag it out all week? 🤔

Been following & supporting you. This is the start of the battle and you will need your friends and your sense of humour! Have you looked into instructing a direct access barrister to represent you in court? In the meantime, start working out exactly how much your son needs for a comfortable future, be it holidays, days out, bigger car etc. Wishing you peace & happiness in your new wank-badger free home.

Helpfully bag it all up for him by the front door.